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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited on pricey stag weekend but not to the wedding? AIBU?

143 replies

Remm89 · 30/05/2016 08:55

Morning All!

Need some advice about stag/wedding invites …….

A couple, that both my fiancé and I went to school with and know fairly well, are getting married in Autumn.

We knew from mutual friends that save-the-dates went out earlier this year and neither of us were surprised to not make the short list - weddings are expensive and they aren't close friends.

This weekend however the groom has invited my fiancé on the stag weekend for October half term.

The stag is a 5 day trip to Germany (I believe Berlin)!!

My fiancé mentioned it on Saturday night to me and both agreed that we can't afford it as we are saving for our own wedding in 2017.

Anyway, fiancé has just woken up to an email from the best man which reads…

"Hey X,
Good to catch up yesterday. Know things might be tight at the moment so hope this will help. I will be EPIC! "

And attached is the receipt for EasyJet flights in my fiancé's name! He had no idea!!!

My fiancé is mortified but doesn't know what to do?

AIBU? This is ridiculous right?!?!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/05/2016 14:30

It'll be interesting to see what the best man comes back with.

monkeywithacowface · 30/05/2016 14:33

It's just so odd why would you not invite someone to the wedding but then pay for their flight to the stag do?

Roystonv · 30/05/2016 14:47

My son is a best man soon, flights are not always cheap to stag do places so it might be more of a gesture than you think also, best men can be placed in very difficult situations so it might genuinely be a kind thought just not a very well thought through one.

GingerIvy · 30/05/2016 14:51

It does sound like they're using him to make up numbers to help pay for the groom.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2016 15:30

'Therefore it is a no brainier to accept.'

It is if your idea of celebrating doesn't involve using annual leave to get pissed for days on end like a group of 18-year-olds.

diddl · 30/05/2016 15:37

'Therefore it is a no brainier to accept.'

There's still accommodation, drinks & annual leave to take into account!

PinkSnowAndStars · 30/05/2016 15:52

Omg. How cheeky!! Any reply yet?

Alconleigh · 30/05/2016 19:50

Off core topic, but do men who aren't close friends really sign off texts to each other with a kiss?!

MintyChops · 30/05/2016 19:59

The whole "not invited to the wedding but invited on the stag" thing is really odd. However, just to give a different slant on it, I just told my DH about this thread and and his response was " that was decent of the BM, perhaps Op's DP could change the flights and just go for one night?". He says it is what he would do, oddness notwithstanding.....

Aeroflotgirl · 30/05/2016 20:01

Why tge hell is your dh invited to the stag, if he not invited to the wedding. Very rude, and presumptuous. Good on your dh with the reply.

leelu66 · 30/05/2016 20:05

Maybe the best man is offering to pay for your DP's accommodation too? In that case, it's a cheap trip to Berlin Grin

ToDuk · 30/05/2016 20:16

If there is a reply and an attempt at any pressure to go then maybe your dp needs to just let bm know that he's not invited to the wedding so it would be a bit odd to go to the stag.

Original poster
Remm89 · 30/05/2016 20:55

The text was to the Best Man (who is a close mate of my OH) - not the Groom as we don't actually have his number!

I think the whole thing is really weird - we are planning our wedding atm and both think the idea of stag/hen parties to have your close friends around before they come to the big day.

Still no response to the text from the best man…..

OP posts:
Basicbrown · 30/05/2016 20:58

It is ridiculous to expect him to go on holiday for 5 days whether he is invited to the wedding or not. When a stag do was a night out it was probably perfectly reasonable again whether you invited people to the wedding or not.....

AdrenalineFudge · 30/05/2016 21:00

This is just ludicrous. On what planet would anyone think it acceptable to ask someone to go on a 5 day jolly when they aren't even invited to the wedding itself.

ForalltheSaints · 30/05/2016 21:02

Decline politely. Pity as it is Berlin.

camelfinger · 30/05/2016 21:22

What a twat. Even if the best man had paid for flights, accommodation and provided £500 spending money this would still be unreasonable. I think your OH did the right thing with the text. Even if you were invited to the wedding he shouldn't have to give up precious time for something that he doesn't want to do.

MyAmDeryCross · 30/05/2016 21:35

"Thanks BM, but I've already allocated all of my annual leave and stag spending. If they'd sent save the dates I may have been able to arrange it. Have a drink for me mate"

PinkSnowAndStars · 31/05/2016 16:49

Has he not replied yet? I need an update!!

ridingsixwhitehorses · 31/05/2016 17:45

Following!

SparkleSoiree · 31/05/2016 17:47

Does the groom realise neither of you are on the day list? Perhaps he thinks you are for some reason...?

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 31/05/2016 18:15

Ego driven nonsense. 5 days! Why do people think anyone would want to spend that much time / money on these things. It's just ridiculous.

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 31/05/2016 18:40

Did he really put a kiss at the end of his text Hmm
Maybe that's why he hasn't had a reply yet!!

Crispbutty · 31/05/2016 18:45

Was the x not in place of a name for posting purposes maybe

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