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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to prefer a homemade costume and get upset about this

58 replies

IamAporcupine · 29/05/2016 13:01

DS (4) loves dressing up for parties. I love making his costumes. We spend time thinking what we could use, designing it and building it together. So far we have done a batman, a ghost, a mouse and a chick.
He has a queen and kings party soon and wants to be a dragon. Big challenge but I really want to do it (or at least try!)
DH went shopping with MIL and has just called me saying they found a dragon costume in the shop. MIL wants to buy it and they asked if it was ok. I said yes as I do not want to be difficult, but I am upset.
AIBU to not want an already made one? Of course it will look better than what I could make...but it will be half the fun Sad

OP posts:
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Birdsgottafly · 29/05/2016 13:07

Perhaps keep the receipt, have a look at it and see how your DS reacts to it?

If it's what he wants, could you do some other craft activity, around the theme?

PixieMiss · 29/05/2016 13:08

Though I do understand your disappointment, I would grin and bear it just this once, mostly for an easy ride!

At least he will have a spare if this occasion doesn't go to plan or for a 'surprise' fancy dress occasion sprung on you Flowers

Witchend · 29/05/2016 13:10

I agree. And I also think it's silly when there is a fancy dress competition and you have 10 children all wearing a bought (Disney princess) costume. You can't judge between them, or if you can it's basically who paid the most.

Woodenmouse · 29/05/2016 13:10

You could have explained nicely that you enjoy the time making the costumes with ds etc and said thank you for the offerbut you will be making it.

Sofabitch · 29/05/2016 13:10

He's 4 .. You'll have about a thousand other costumes to make before he leaves primary school. I wouldn't be too bothered about it.

Make some let mil buy some. Win win situation.

SeaCabbage · 29/05/2016 13:11

It's great that they phoned you to ask you first.

why did you say yes? Caught on the hop?

As your DH and MIL must know you like making costumes it seems a bit mean of them to take over.

Maybe this will be a lesson on being more assertive next time and saying, actually no, I'm going to make the costume. You wouldn't have been being difficult, after all it was them who changed your plans, not the other way round.

Whosthemummy16 · 29/05/2016 13:12

Could you maybe buy some face paints and have fun doing a dragon face. I think if you sponge face paint over fish net tights it makes scales?
You are not being unreasonable but I don't think its worth saying anything x

Helenluvsrob · 29/05/2016 13:13

A dragon ! You've dodged a bullet there op. Tuck your maternal guilt away. Let granny indulge and make the next one :)

KindDogsTail · 29/05/2016 13:14

I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to make it at all. I think you are right.

But neither are your husband and MIL being unreasonable by trying to help, by buying one they saw ready and waiting and saving you work (perhaps they thought)!

I am confused as to why you were not able to say before hand - but perhaps it all just moved too fast and was a fait accompli before you got the chance.
If that is the case, could you explain that you love doing this sort of thing and had really hoped to make it yourself?

You could go on to say that you would like to set your child the example that we do not just need to buy everything - life is not just about money and buying but about creativity/invention/making something out of nothing etc

Explain that you and your child need to be artistic together and that is an important part of your role as his mother as you see it.

So "Please would you take the costume back, MIL & H?"

If it is really too late for some reason, explain that you want to do it in the future.

nanetterose · 29/05/2016 13:16

Wow! I've never met anyone who prefers making costumes.
I'm impressed.
No idea what to do with your shop bought one though? I guess you could remind them you just like making them?

KindDogsTail · 29/05/2016 13:17

I was wondering OP, as an aside, do you have difficulty being assertive as SeaCabbage suggested? That is another subject though.

Bearbehind · 29/05/2016 13:17

Unless your MIL has form for trying to take over i'd consider the possibility she's trying to subtly tell you your costumes aren't great.

Of course this might not be the case but I have a friend who always makes her kids costumes and they are always a bit shit. They probably cost more to make than buy in the long run but the kids always look embarrassed wearing them.

ArmySal · 29/05/2016 13:17

I don't think you're BU, no.

I've always enjoyed making them rather than buying them.

Lweji · 29/05/2016 13:20

If you make lots of costumes and it's a one off thing, and one that presumably MIL and DH are happy to do for DS, thus giving them some input as well, I'd be happy to say yes.

Maybe you can customise it or improve it?

Brainnotbrawn · 29/05/2016 13:20

We do the same with our 3 and we and they love it. I understand your view. However you missed your opportunity to say no. Make the next one. There are a lifetime of them ahead of you.

MackerelOfFact · 29/05/2016 13:21

I think it's nice of them to want to buy the costume for DS. You can still modify it or have fun with facepaints and accessories for the party. Maybe for another party you can destroy adapt it as a lizard or a dinosaur or something.

Plus, you don't need a party to make a costume! Make a new costume for the dressing-up box instead if you both enjoy it. :)

ArmySal · 29/05/2016 13:21

Would be a seriously embarrassing x-post if I am Bearbehind's friend Grin

Bearbehind · 29/05/2016 13:23

Lol! Grin

allowlsthinkalot · 29/05/2016 13:30

I'm not sure why you said yes. I'd just have said "thanks but ds and I were looking forward to making one". I'm not sure why that was hard. Now that you've said yes there's not really much you can do except look forward to the next one!

Ameliablue · 29/05/2016 13:34

You should have just said no, that you were looking forward to making it.

ClashCityRocker · 29/05/2016 13:39

I was amazed at Halloween to see all the shop bought costumes.

When I was a nipper, if you were a girl you got a tunic fashioned out of a bin bag, a cloak fashioned out of a bin bag, some green face paint and a hat and hey presto, you were a witch! None of these black and purple tutu concoctions that make your child look like the worlds smallest goth stripper.

Still, a dragon sounds tricky. As a one off, I'd let it go. If it happens again just say 'no, I've got a great idea for making one...'

By the time he gets to the end of primary school you will be heartily sick of fancy dress I'm sure.

paxillin · 29/05/2016 13:43

Well, he's either about to enter school or in reception? You will have a million chances. Let her buy the costume.

Primary school requirements so far: Victorian street urchin, insect, wild animal for Charles Darwin day, something biblical for the nativity, national costume for international day, athlete for the Olympics, plant, Roman soldier, something Caribbean, WW2 child, 80s disco, dinosaur or other extinct animal, magical woodland creature, character from book for World Book Day, Santa. I probably forgot half of them.

Nataleejah · 29/05/2016 13:57

YABU
Let him have a shop one for a change

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/05/2016 14:04

I would say choose your battles. It doesn't seem a big issue to me. But then, the thought of finding the time and desire to make a home made costume fills me with horror so I'm probably the wrong person to listen to!

Unicorntrainer · 29/05/2016 14:11

If the shop bought one is a bit basic maybe you and ds could add things to it to embellish it? Best of both worlds?

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