To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

LH - you know I'm an idiot! Does mn not have the site set up for blind potential users then? What other ways is it inaccessible?

Bishop - yes I lived in Germany and Netherlands and have visited France Spain and Belgium. Not perfect but yes a lot of the time much better than uk attitudes much better too.

Stigma - social life etc yes, because one of my things is depression - according to some this means I'm not allowed to smile let alone laugh ever!

Bizarre looks at my friend with cp if we went clubbing (cos clearly she's not allowed a social life either!)

Am appalled by these stories. I've had cousins in wheel chairs/ with impaired mobility all my life, including my guardian, and when I've needed yo organise things, like them coming to my wedding / degree ceremony we've had nothing but help. My darling aunt used to do wheelies in her electric wheelchair with DS hanging on at the back.

I do recall one cousin, a senior banker, who had Ménière's disease and couldn't walk straight after flying, and people thought he was drunk, which was a particular injustice as he loathed alcohol.

The best place I've been was Lourdes. I'm not a catholic but went with friends to help in the baths, a huge privilege that changed my life. The cafes there are brilliant. Outside There are chairs next to the walls, with tables in front of them but no chairs the other side, so that there is space for wheel chairs. Most cafes have double doors as well as a ramp, so that you can get a wheel chair or stretcher in. There is a basic assumption that everyone there will want what everyone else does, a coffee, red wine, company, food, to be in the evening processions , whatever, just that some people need a little more help than others getting there. The French don't care, the money is the same! I've taken friends and family there who don't initially see the adjustments because it looks normal and then are hugely impressed.

The school I'm involved in has several kids with severe physical impairments and the kids are brilliant, all of them, really inclusive and so successful, so proud of what they jointly achieve. I'd out myself if I told our latest sporting success but I think there could be two young people we shall see more of. Perhaps the younger generation is a bit more tolerant. I hope so.

I tried to go to my local John Lewis/Waitrose store using the footpath and was met with the situation pictured below. I tweeted JL and their response was to access the store via the (upstairs) blue badge car park. In a car.

Which considering I didn't have my car was a bit

Store only built last year in case you're wondering.

Bloody hell, this is appalling! I had no idea how bad people's attitudes are. I want to go out and thump people right now! As a non-wheelchair user, is there anything I can do to help/raise awareness/etc?

Whosebadger

Facebook/twitter
Petitions
Your mp
Your councillors
Local businesses who could do more

I hope having read this thread when you are out and about in your locale you'll be more aware of the issues.

But I warn you you'll hear some ridiculous excuses and prejudice.

LH - you know I'm an idiot! Does mn not have the site set up for blind potential users then? What other ways is it inaccessible?

Website design should follow various recommended practices. If they do, then screen readers and accessibility aids can do a pretty good job of rendering the content.

(A small example is the use of a meaningful "alt" tag on images. So when a mouse hovers over, a textual description appears - check out the BBC).

There are plenty of tools available to help get a website "accessibilty friendly" so really there's not excuse (apart from ignorance).

I have no idea how accessible Mumsnet is. Neither does anyone else, as there is no stated policy from MNHQ as to whether they intend the site to be accessible, and - if they do - what guidelines they are working to.

running achecker.ca/checker/index.php on www.mumsnet.com

seems to suggest :

59 known problems and over 400 potential ones - and that's just the front page.

So that's what we're up against. I'm sure MNHQ aren't insensitive to accessibility issues. Just never considered it.

I used to email companies pointing out accessibility issues. I got fed up of replies suggesting I fix them for free.

Oh hai BishopBrennansArse. I know who you are now. We're friends on the Book of Face.

Bacon - best one I've heard is "your sort wanted equality so have it".
(Referring to prays/wheelchairs on buses)

Jesus! Equal is not 'the same'

MNHQ WHY ISN'T MN ACCESSIBLE?

Young people are great, it is the (40-90's) who are the most unpleasant. I have been all over Europe in my wheel chair. In these countries, when I get into difficulties, someone always rushes to help. On the rare occasions I have been offered assistance in the UK, it is always a young person and usually under 16 years old.

I also have a mobility scooter that looks like a motorbike with high hand grips. I intend to grow old disgracefully!! LOL Adults just glance and look away or shake their heads or tut, as if a disabled person should not be able to afford the trike or be allowed to enjoy themselves.

Most disabled people I know accept their disability and realise there are people more disadvantaged than them. It is a shame that my generation cannot show the same level of tolerance and understanding.

Baconyum - thanks! I already rant all over Facebook about cuts to disability benefits etc, and will continue to do so :)

I will definitely be more aware now that I have read this thread - thank you all for that!

Lol. I'm a Facebook ranter too, particularly about invisible disabilities.

I think my facebook is about 90% rant :)

Whosebadger me too I also bug the life outta my mp (to be fair he's pretty good - SNP), my town is much more accessible now than it was.

Glad some have had good experiences with youngsters on this. As I said up thread my dd has had some horrible ones (but they are the minority).

LurkingHusband
I assumed all major websites like MN were accessible. I had no idea the situation was this bad,
Please post this as an AIBU and lets get it fixed.

I assumed all major websites like MN were accessible. I had no idea the situation was this bad,

On MrsLHs behalf, I've always tried to insist every website I've managed or designed is W3CAG 2.0 accessible.

However, given that most designs started bad, the amount of work is prohibitive (boss won't pay for it).

Now going back in the day, it was less surprising. But the internet is hardly new anymore. And (shamefully) website accessibility was considered very early on - before 1993.

Generally it's all shit. Sometimes it's really shit. Other times less shit. But the baseline is shit, and you move from there.

Just from this morning - ticket booking websites which don't let you choose your seats (which is a GODSEND for a wheelchair user). True, they palm accessibility off to a "call here" number. Just to emphasize the second-class nature of being unfortunate.

MNHQ im shocked.

I hate the well you have to call for your tickets

I've not read the other replies, so forgive me if i'm repeating. I am a wheelchair user too and i've found that i've gone from being a regular person to being invisible.

As for the till thing, my husband won't come to the till with me anymore as he gets so annoyed at people ignoring me. I go myself so they have no choice but to deal with me. Could you do that maybe? It's so wrong that we get ignored/treated as second class citizens because we are wheelchair users.

It's unfair that these kind of attitudes upset so many of us, thank you Mummy for your post. It can feel like you're alone in a battle sometimes can't it?

I'm young-ish (if 40 is young), I drive as my car is adapted, and when I pull into a parking space I get the stares, evil looks, and comments. I really do feel for you.

I have a 9 year old DD and you can almost see people thinking 'that means she must have had sex'......... God forbid we could be seen as attractive enough for someone to want to shag us. And not even just that, but to MARRY us as well

I have had people move me out of the way, if I was able bodied that would be like pushing me out of the way. It's only happened twice (2 times too many), but I was really dumbfounded, just speechless.

I was in a shop last week and was waiting at the till. They were raised up high, so that if you were standing the cashiers would be above you. I didn't hear the woman say next and someone indicated me to move forwards. I did, but the woman keep shouting next, I said i'm here (hidden behind displays of cards, teddies, and balloons), but she didn't hear me.
My friend who was standing away pointed me out to her and she reached down for my things, gave no acknowledgement at all, said how much it was (to my friend), I was leaning up trying to hear but couldn't. I reached up and gave her the right money, and she said thanks and goodbye to my friend.

I've lost count of the amount of times in Supermarkets when people have stepped back without checking first and nearly ended up sitting on my lap/knocking me over.

Yes Hush it can feel very like you are alone in this fight. The feeling of solidarity from this thread is great though.

Maybe we could keep this thread going for moral support and daily rants! Shop assistant once told me I was being ridiculous for not telling her my PIN number because card reader wouldn't come off 6 foot high holder. When I refused , in packet shop she seemed to think was strange! it's gone I spend my money where it's accessible thanks.

I also put my hand out when passing people because they do step back even if you are stationary then scream at you its your fault! Least they don't end up on your lap

Akire - what a nice idea to keep the thread going. Life can feel very lonely sometimes, so to be able to get moral support/vent here would make me (obviously I don't speak for everyone), less lonely.

Out of interest how many disabled accessible toilets do wheelchair users find with foot operated bins in them? I can think of 4 instances that i've used a disabled toilet over the last 9 years, where there has been any other sort of bin. Even in hospitals (well, ones near me at least), they have them. Out of all the places you would think that there might be some thought given, it would be a hospital. Every time I have to leave used/wet hand towels on top of the bin. I've mentioned in to nurses when in hospital (as I had to ask them to put said paper towels in the bin), and all of them have been genuinely shocked to find that is the case.

I have a 9 year old DD and you can almost see people thinking 'that means she must have had sex'..

When MrsLH fell pregnant, the immediate medical advice was to have a termination. (Bear in mind, a senior physician in 1995 may have started work in the 1950s).

Then she was booked in for a caesarean, because it was what was expected . No birthing plans for the disabled, donchaknow ?

So the natural, drug-free birth was clearly a surprise.

To some.,

However, at the same time, God bless all the staff who did have faith and worked to ensure MrsLH was treated as an individual. They know who they are are .

Oh yes yes to peddle bins, you can do the open throw in towel pull hand away before it chops off if you are lucky. But yes hospital ones crap because much higher up and heavier. I have been known to stick paper bag in there and use that.

Mind you I find most of time sinks in "accesable" loos are to small to wash hands in least without having to touch sink with hand even if you wash one at a time. It's fine if you can stand and move angles but when you are in chair or stick in a fixed position you can't. The water is 99% freezing occasionally take skin off hot. Why oh why in generous disabled loos can't we have proper sink with you know 2 working taps! Sometimes the bathroom is bigger than my entire living room and have worlds smallest sink in it. Oh my personal favorite tap not working at all until you put soap on hand then try to turn it on.

Don't get me started on toilet flush handles that are opposite side of loo. So you can't flush while on loo unless you are mr tickle and who wants free wash with toilet dirt? Then when you get back and into chair the flush is now least metre away and unless you put hands on loo seat and try lean over /fall down loo you can't flush it. Surely you put flush to the side that has space not the wall side!