Aibu about this?

[QuestionableMouse]

Friend and I are going on holiday this weekend. She's just told me that she's working on the same day we're coming back. (So coming back on Wednesday, she's at work Wed night.) She's just dropped this on me and I'm now worrying about getting back on time (she starts at 7 and I'd been planning to leave at 1ish). It's a 300 mile trip! Am I being unreasonable to think shes not being very fair?

How are you travelling?

It's her problem, not yours. If she's late for work why should it bother you?

If she's not worried then why should you be?

Yanbu - are you sharing the drive?
Any chance of leaving mid morning and still getting back on time?
I think you should prepare her for being late /not making it as you never know what traffic can be like.

Communicate with her more about this. It's not an either or situation, either she's happy or you're happy. Talk with her. If she needs to be absolutely certain of being back on time then she needs to find out the specifics of her travel plans and adjust them. Likewise you can work out how/when you'd be best travelling and do that. If it's together and that's what you want then that's great and if it isn't then that's fine too.

Well it depends on what travel arrangements had been made surely?

300 miles driving is about 5 hours so no problem, if you all need to leave earlier to allow for long meal breaks then surely you can all make a decision that suits you all. Most hotels will want you out before 11:00 so you could leave any time after that.

We're driving. Well, I am.

Check out is 11 yes but I'd planned to do a bit of shopping or sightseeing before we left. Coming back last year took almost 8 hours because of traffic and an accident.

"300 miles driving is about 5 hours so no problem,"

That is being massively optimistic. If I had to be at work for 7pm I would be leaving in the morning, Last time we drove 300 miles it took nine and a half hours because of traffic hold ups and accidents.

I'm a bit annoyed because she's just sprung this on me. She's making this whole holiday much harder work than it needs to be.

Had you told her you were planning on sightseeing and shopping?

Yes she knew I planned to spend half a day shopping or whatever.

Could she get a train home early in the day and you drive home when you feel ready?

I'll suggest that to her but i'm not sure she will go for it.

That would piss me off too. Tell her she should consider getting the night of as you don't anticipate being back in time given you had already made plans for your last day

Well if she won't go for it that's her problem, not yours! Totally unfair of her to mess up your plans like that.

Honestly she's been difficult about this whole holiday. She wasn't going to book the hotel room until until closer to the holiday until I nagged her into it. (Thank god she did because the rooms are sold out now.)

Everything I suggest is met with apathy... She doesn't seem to have an opinion of her own about anything and it's just like her to spring this on me. She only told me because I asked when she was back at work. (Because despite the fact she's entitled to holiday she decided not to use it and just get her shifts covered.)

I'm aware that I'm probably coming across as a bitch but I just want her to buck her ideas up and actually make a decision for a change.

maybe she didn't have a choice about her work shift???? (can see that's unlikely from your later posts). Agree with PP who said she leave early on train and you get home at your leisure.

Either way, you're not responsible for her. It's your holiday too. Leave when you're ready. Her job is not your problem.

I hope you have a lovely break!

Is she usually indecisive? Your posts remind me of the time I went on holiday with a friend who had so much trouble with every single decision that ultimately I decided I would actually be doing her a favour by deciding for her, and if that meant we only went to places I liked, so be it. At the time it was almost a joke; but three years later under pressure of working in a fairly pressured environment she had a serious breakdown. Suddenly it all tied in with her previous difficulty in making decisions. Might anything like that be going on?

Stick with your plan, pick the time it suits you to leave and tell her that.

Use a 'planning to do a,b and c as discussed probably leave about x time, do you think that we'd be back in time for your work or should you arrange cover?
That way she knows it's her problem and you won't be leaving early doors to suit this.

Why would anyone pack up, travel all day and work that evening/night if they didn't have to? She sounds terribly disorganised. I don't think she's able to plan to the level of detail you clearly are otherwise she would have worked out an evening shift wouldn't work on this schedule. As she knew your plans, I would be advising her you may not get back in time for the start of her shift and let her worry about the rest. This is not your concern. Do you know about boundaries?

Do I know about boundaries? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking me.

I'm worried about getting back on time because I'm the one who's going to be stuck in a car with her if we're running late.

Yes, she's always been like this, ever since school. It's an overnight shift so I'm really not sure what she's thinking. I don't understand why she didn't use some holiday allowance.

Honestly I feel like she doesn't really want to come.

I was meaning about emotional boundaries. There's s lot of stuff online about them. Im working on mine and it's been very helpful for me.

Are you concerned about being stuck in a car with someone panicking about being late? How will she react? Why do you think she doesn't want to come?

I'm honestly not sure how she's going to react if she's late. I'm worried because I think she'll blame me.