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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about this?

59 replies

QuestionableMouse · 25/05/2016 19:39

Friend and I are going on holiday this weekend. She's just told me that she's working on the same day we're coming back. (So coming back on Wednesday, she's at work Wed night.) She's just dropped this on me and I'm now worrying about getting back on time (she starts at 7 and I'd been planning to leave at 1ish). It's a 300 mile trip! Am I being unreasonable to think shes not being very fair?

OP posts:
MurphysChild · 26/05/2016 05:54

Is this the friend who is really tight, the one who wanted to book the room at the last minute and share to save money? I kind of remember this one.

She is a very unreasonable woman, seriously it would be the very last holiday with her.

Janecc · 26/05/2016 06:12

Ahhh. There is a history, I'm unaware of this. She sounds like she may be a bit of a bully Mouse. You sound sad. Holidays should be happy. I really think you should read up about emotional boundaries. There are some books on the subject - I've done the work with a counsellor so haven't read any to recommend. I used to have the same feelings as you - still do and then I realise that what you are describing is her problem, not yours. If she blames you, she's deflecting. I would perhaps send her your concerns in a text or email and when she gets annoyed, you can refer back to that as it'll be in writing.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 10:16

Yes, Murphyschild. That's the one.

I'm not sad, just a bit fed up with her!

OP posts:
Hodooooooooor · 26/05/2016 11:42

Honestly I feel like she doesn't really want to come

She doesn't, it would seem. Why are you cajoling her into booking hotels, telling her to take holidays, etc etc? You seem like you are forcing her to go on holiday with you. Where's the fun in that?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 11:55

I'm not forcing her to do anything. I asked if she wanted to come and she said yes. I think the problem is she's a bit tight and hates spending money if she can get someone else to pay for her.

OP posts:
Hodooooooooor · 26/05/2016 11:59

She said yes but she didn't book a room until you nagged her, didn't book any holidays off, and doesn't have an opinion on anything at all.
Didn't exactly rip your arm off did she? Why do you want to go on holiday with this person?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 13:11

Because when I asked her I didn't think she'd be like this. I thought it would be fun.

OP posts:
Janecc · 26/05/2016 14:38

Just read the other thread. She sounds a bit like someone in my family tbh. We agreed to go away with them for the weekend and she offered to look at hotels - it was to go and see Santa with the children. It was their suggestion so this is just disorganisation, I like to have stuff organised. In the event as nothing got done so I found a house to rent as it was cheaper and booked to see Santa and a panto with the children. It took me around 6 hours to find a nice cottage at a reasonable price accepting dogs as most nice places by then were already booked up.

I think she sounds really disorganised. I'm not sure this is malicious or that she doesn't want to go with you.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 26/05/2016 14:57

I'd probably tell her about my experience of leaving a holiday to go to work. A drive that should have taken 6 hours didn't. I had a very short shift due tp start at 5pm so I left at 7am to give me plenty of time... I missed work completely and didn't get home until 8pm due to traffic and a fatal accident. Not only did I miss work but the fatal accident was pretty close to work so I wasn't the only one stuck in standstill traffic for so long. About 10 of my colleagues were too. There was no way to avoid the motorway to get to some of the places we needed to be and our office were suffering quite badly. Obviously it's an extreme example but she may want to try and get the evening off so she doesnt worry about it but you don't need to worry, it's her job, not yours.

Only1scoop · 26/05/2016 15:05

Took her ages to book hotel etc....

I don't think she really wants to go.

Don't see the problem with driving back on a Wednesday....should be quietish unless accidents etc.

Presumably she will need a sleep if she's working through the night

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 15:26

It's the unless accidents bits I'm worried about.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/05/2016 15:41

Well I suppose she's mentioned it now, not the night before, but she should have let you take this into account sooner. I'd say to her you will start off sooner than 1pm but it's not your responsibility to get her to work on time. If you need breaks or there's high density of traffic thanks to an accident or roadworks, then so be it. (Assuming you aren't in the habit of popping a blue flashing light on your car roof). If she wants to shell out for a train or coach back a day early, that's up to her.

Would I be mean to predict that she'll quibble about sharing fuel costs anyway? Wink

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/05/2016 15:55

Btw having looked at the earlier thread it occurs to me that for a person who comes over as 'wishy washy', she has a knack of putting her own view forward which is contrary to yours? After 15 years you must have some solid ties and keep each other on your toes, which isn't to say that's a bad thing. Don't let her apparent lack of confidence bamboozle you.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 16:31

I don't even know what time we're meeting tomorrow because she's not answering my texts now. FFS... I wish I hadn't suggested this holiday now.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 26/05/2016 16:34

Come on Op

Glass half full and owt

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 26/05/2016 17:44

I know, I know. I'm trying.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 02/06/2016 10:34

Just wanted to update on this- we made it back about two hours before she had to start even though we left early due to a nasty accident, and just general traffic.

To the poster who predicted she'd quibble over sharing petrol, she did. We had this real awkward moment in the (packed) petrol station- I'd filled up, stuck my head into the car to tell her the cost and she just sat there and didn't say a word. Because the station was so busy I didn't get chance to have it out with her. Came home and she went off to work and I haven't heard from her since. I'm not expecting any money from her.

OP posts:
Janecc · 02/06/2016 10:40

I think it would have been good to preempt this conversation. Did you have a nice time though?

angelos02 · 02/06/2016 10:40

Re the petrol - cheeky mare. If I'd have been you I'd like to think I would have pretended not to have enough money so she'd have to cough up there and then.

Squeegle · 02/06/2016 10:44

Hmm, how was the holiday? Still friends?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 02/06/2016 11:13

I did make my expectations about petrol money very clear- I would have forced the issue if the station hadn't been so busy but I didn't want to hold everyone else up.

I had a really good time! Had a really funny/awkward moment- on the Monday night it pissed down so we decided to stay in and watch a movie/chat. Well, she's pretty quiet to start with but I thought she was enjoying the movie until I looked properly and realised that she was asleep and had been for a while. I'd been watching the movie but interacting iyswim but hadn't realised she was asleep! I got the giggles so badly that I had to go outside. :)

OP posts:
Squeegle · 02/06/2016 11:18

Glad you had a good time. She sounds a bit hard work re money though

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 02/06/2016 11:22

Oh she is! I'm not sure if I should text her and ask why she didn't stump up or just leave it be.

OP posts:
Janecc · 02/06/2016 11:23

Some people are so tight they think everyone else owes them something. Glass half full. We've distanced ourselves from so many piss taking "friends"

blueskyinmarch · 02/06/2016 11:33

Why didn’t you talk to her about the petrol costs once you were back in the car after filling up? Or when you dropped her off? I would text her and say she still owes you £xx for petrol and add your bank details so she can transfer the money.