to cut my ex wife's hedge without asking

[EyepatchOfTravis]

My ex wife still lives in the house we used to own together. She rents it now and lives there with our DD. DD stays with me a couple of nights a week.

The house is always a tip, though she hasn't let me in the house for a couple of years now because she didn't like me commenting about it.

The front garden is overgrown and I was sick of the hedges making my coat wet when I walked down her front path, so last night when I came to pick up DD, I brought my shears and cut the hedge right back along the pathway. She opened the door and was really annoyed when she saw I had done it and said it wasn't my place as it's not my home anymore and I hadn't asked her first.

It needed doing anyway, and she let me fix her front gate a few months ago when it was broken.

AIBU?

*seriously... :)

OnYerBikePan Are you for real? Doing her a service? No, a service you ask for. He's an interfering busy body who for some reason can't quite grasp that now he and the OP are finished he gets no say in what state her garden is in, and absolutely no right to trespass onto her property that she pays rent for and undergo garden maintenance. And if you think that he is right to do so then I find that it is in fact you that is "fucked up".

Hmmm.. well...the splatter of water on clothes is a real issue as I'd said before the reverse revalation.

btw was anyone taking this seriously from the start??

I asked him why he had done it and he smirked at me and said that he couldn't walk up the path. The stuff about rain on his coat and "she'll probably ban me from the front garden too" are things he said to DD when she asked him why he had done that without asking me.

Ah, sorry for being silly on your thread op, it was a dickish thing to do as far as I am concerned.

WeeBabySeamus I had an abusive ex, and I too think laughing at them is better than giving them the power of making you outraged/upset.
I wish I had the chance to laugh at him now, he would hate it!
(Also......... macrame right?)

Doing her a service? Pull the other one. A service is something you choose to have done by a person you select, at a time and date of your choice and at a rate of pay you pre-agree to. The ex husband interfering on her property is very far from a service.

OP tell him if he interferes again you will involve the police.

Oh ffs Pan get over yourself.

It was a reverse, yes they are annoying but you are acting personally offended.

It's weird.

I cut several neighbour hedges. They don't complain.
I'm hoping to sell up soon and I think my tidying up of peoples front gardens is having a positive knock on effect.
I want to present my neighbourhood in a good light and get a decent price for my house.
I think your altruistic acts are honourable.

OP get some advice about relationships in difficult circs. AIBU section in MN isn't the place to do that.

I don't mind people being silly on my thread - I could do with a laugh . Also it's what I deserve for pulling a reverse on everyone

Cutting her hedge was a nice thing to do (against the grain here I know). It's probably on her " long list of things to do" and it was a piece of cake for you to do it. Job done.

However DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CUT HER BUSH!

Agree that you should post on relationships. You need to be able to define some clear boundaries for this man.

I wasn't really wanting relationship advice if I am honest - just to get a vague idea of what passes for normal or reasonable with people - it just upset me so much that it had me questioning myself about whether I was being unhinged about this!

Oh I poster that before I saw the reveal.

MMW - it is weird isn't it? Not personal at all. Just a bit..well..weird as you say. I was with OP, until the reverse thing. I'm sure things will work out well.

so long as OP gets a bit of a grip

It's a really invasive thing to do, though definitely complicated by the fact that he used to own it jointly with you.

all we need now is ex to turn up!

anyone?

I think it would be a nice gesture if they had a friendly relationship.

It doesn't sound like they do.

Can I pretend to be ex then?

Who the fuck brings their shears whilst picking up their child?

Deranged is a word that springs to mind. And an admittance on a public Internet forum.

Look, I think if we treat people as if they are doing things with good intent, everyone would feel a helluva lot better.

You say yourself in your OP, your house is a mess and garden overgrown. You say you feel that he was doing it from make a point, but you don't know that.

Just thank him for trimming your hedge and leave it at that. If you have an electric strummer you'd prefer he'd use, tell him, oh if you have time again, I have a better tool. Maybe he just thought he was helping you out. No need to read anything else into it.

Maybe being surly is his personality but he's not surly because of his feelings towards you, if that makes sense?

We most definitely don't have a friendly relationship. My next door neighbours cut the adjoining hedge between us (not the one next to the path) once a year and do my side too and I don't mind that - but then I know they are being kind and helpful and the first time they did it they asked if it was OK first.

Hey everyone, it's not me - will read later, sounds like fun.

Smirked. Oh. So he was doing it to get at you. I don't know what you can do. Certainly ban him from picking up at home. Coffee shop meet?