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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cut my ex wife's hedge without asking

146 replies

EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 19:23

My ex wife still lives in the house we used to own together. She rents it now and lives there with our DD. DD stays with me a couple of nights a week.

The house is always a tip, though she hasn't let me in the house for a couple of years now because she didn't like me commenting about it.

The front garden is overgrown and I was sick of the hedges making my coat wet when I walked down her front path, so last night when I came to pick up DD, I brought my shears and cut the hedge right back along the pathway. She opened the door and was really annoyed when she saw I had done it and said it wasn't my place as it's not my home anymore and I hadn't asked her first.

It needed doing anyway, and she let me fix her front gate a few months ago when it was broken.

AIBU?

OP posts:
OnYerBikePan · 25/05/2016 20:36

You fix the garden gate..you shave her bush. Easy access issue.

PovertyPain · 25/05/2016 20:38

You really do want to keep controlling her, don't you OP? Criticising her home, taking the decision to cut her hedge (just to show her you are still controlling her). Did she tell you that you were a controlling cunt when she left you?

Is that way you're on mumsnet? Just so you can stick the boot in a little more and take away her safe place to talk. I don't care if thus gets deleted. You're a nasty, controlling prick.

PovertyPain · 25/05/2016 20:40

Btw. To those that think it's hilarious. How would you feel if your controlling ex was on here?

nowbernard · 25/05/2016 20:40

This screams reverse. Am I right?

HerRoyalNotness · 25/05/2016 20:41

Ffs, you were doing a nice thing (as long as it was greenery you were cutting). I'd be more than happy if my imaginary xH cut my hedge for me. More likely it would be me cutting his as I'm in charge of the garden.

Maybe next time ask if here is anything she'd like help with, gives her back control, or ask if you can do it.

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:41

OK - I should really come clean. I posted this as a reverse AIBU as I sometimes doubt my sanity about stuff like this. I tried to make the op as neutral as possible and not try and inject his personality into it too much from my point of view. I'm the ex wife.

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 25/05/2016 20:42

Maybe she doesn't want easy access for all and sundry - she might want her visitors to have to plough through.

Alicebannedit · 25/05/2016 20:42

And Karen? The OP could give us the yea or nay on that - or would such divulgence compromise his personal scruples...

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:43

Sorry. My name is not Karen...

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 25/05/2016 20:44

Oh fuck

TheUnsullied · 25/05/2016 20:44

Angry reverses are really irritating.

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:44

It's just after this happened, I was physically shaking for the rest of the night, so furiously angry and tearful - and I couldn't understand why I felt so enraged. It seemed so disproportionate with what had actually happened.

OP posts:
DuckAndPancakes · 25/05/2016 20:44

Karen, karen, who the fuck is Karen?

Are you really upset/pissed off about the hedge OP? Do you think he did it as an act of malice or to maybe try and be helpful in some way?

OnYerBikePan · 25/05/2016 20:45

I that case OP you can deff. fuck off.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 25/05/2016 20:47

I have an extremely abusive,controlling ex who legally isn't allowed to know where I live - doesn't mean I can't have a laugh at a twatty exs expense.

Glad it was a reverse OP, he has no right at all and you are definitely justified in being pissed off.

nowbernard · 25/05/2016 20:47

Thing is op - you won't get a decent response from here on in. People don't realise it's a reverse, and just keep answering the main question.

Or they clock it's a reverse and are cross with you for having started it and get rude.

Reverses don't work for this reason.

I'd be pissed off in your position though!

PovertyPain · 25/05/2016 20:48

Was he controlling when you were with him, OP? Like others, I hate reverses, but I can see why you would be upset about that.

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:51

I honestly don't know.

He doesn't act as though he likes me at all. He's always pretty surly, though we can have civil conversations regarding DD. Months will go back when we seem to get on like civilised adults.

He has helped me out a couple of times - my front gate broke and he fixed it for me, which was kind of him.

I feel more as though he was making a point than he was helping. To be fair, it needed doing, but he basically got a pair of grass shears and hacked at it. The pathway is certainly clear, but I hate what he's done with it. I would have done it, but I would have pruned it properly rather than done a butcher job.

I guess that's part of it - I don't know if he was helping. I don't know if he was doing it because he knew it would upset me.

OP posts:
OnYerBikePan · 25/05/2016 20:51

Did you play these 'reverse' mind games with strangers when you were with him? No wonder you aren't a couple any more. From what you say he is doing you a service but you are too fucked up to appreciate that.

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:52

Sorry for doing a reverse folks. I can see it was annoying. I just thought it would take away the distraction of my emotional response to the situation if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
1horatio · 25/05/2016 20:56

Ooops. No, you are being rude & controlling.
Our neighbours' front garden looks terrible and an overgrown hedge would be a blessing (!). But I still wouldn't just start chopping of their... arrangements.

Original poster
EyepatchOfTravis · 25/05/2016 20:57

I don't know whether I'd describe him as controlling in the marriage. He wasn't my friend and he was angry most of the time. Not in an overt, violent way. More in a sulking, simmering under the surface way. I wasn't a picnic to live with myself I guess, but my mental health suffered a lot.

OP posts:
BoatyMcBoat · 25/05/2016 20:57

I would guess the latter. I am Shock that he didn't even ask if you wanted it done. How would he know whether you have an arrangement that your LL does it? Or your LL has agreed only a particular gardener does it? Maybe there were bird nesting in it, birds of a protected species. The thing is, your ex didn't know but took it upon himself to do it without any consultation.

I would certainly tell him that he has to ask before he does anything like it again. Blame the LL if you need to; say the LL was upset at how badly it had been hacked....

1horatio · 25/05/2016 20:58

And I should have refreshed the page...

I'm out Grin

Though seriosly, could somebody please start chopping in my neighbours' front garden...?

purplefox · 25/05/2016 20:59

YABVU

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