To feel excluded from my child's education before it even begins?

[Throwmynameaway]

School has an induction evening in a couple of weeks. The letter says that it's for parents only (bolded and underlined) and children can not be accommodated. Letter also mentions how important the evening is to meet teachers and get first week info. No mention of alternative dates or times to meet the teachers or get this induction info if you can't attend. I'm a single parent and have no one to baby sit so my options are to ignore the underlining and billing and hope they don't make a big deal out of me taking my child or to miss out on the induction. We haven't even started school and already my child is excluded just because I'm a single parent without a family/friend support network. And it's not just single parents. Anyone else who has other children and no babysitter and a partner who works can't attend.

AIBU?

These initial meetings are full on information so can be quite long for a child. I found that they give out information packs too and most of the verbal information given was pulled straight from these packs. Call school and explain but consider that you may need to stay home, collect any paper info and then make an appointment at a later date. No children is for the benefit of the majority and whilst it's difficult there are many situations in life where a child's attendance is not appropriate so sorting out some childcare (especially in case of emergency) is essential for the future

This is only the start- from now in there will be other occasions where you need babysitters.It is very good for the child too- much healthier to have the 'it takes a village............' than a little unit of two where both never get a break from each other.

It's perfectly possible the OP is all in favour of doing this and would love a 'village' to help out, but for whatever reason, one isn't available. I entirely expected this kind of give and take when I moved out of London with a small baby, but it simply hasn't happened, despite my best efforts. People are friendly enough, DS (now 4) is happy at his childminder and pre-school, but I am working from 8 to 6 daily, so have very limited chances to make friends, and all our good friends and family are in other countries or back in London.

I got my first babysitting job at school when a teacher said 'anyone live in X village and would like to babysit?' and I got a nice family with a 4yr old and toddler. I then went onto babysit for friends of theirs too. I could go, do my homework and get paid.

Me too. Unfortunately, around here - and I've leafleted and put an ad in the parish newsletter, as well as asked the childminder and nursery to put the word about, and looked up the big national babysitting services like babysitters.co.uk - there seems to be minimal demand for paid babysitting, as it's (a) very rural and (b) populated by close-knit families who babysit for one another. I had one response to my efforts from a teenager who later said her parents wouldn't let her, because our house was too far away. It just doesn't seem to be a done thing.

The OP isn't necessarily opting to live in a little child-parent bubble is all I'm saying. Put it this way, I have occasionally had to get my parents to come over from our home country to babysit, when I've known in advance I would need help.

All these posters saying pay for a babysitter. Even if OP could find one maybe she can't afford one? They aren't cheap!

Support networks often come once you start school, have playdates etc.

OP put yourself out by being available to others, gather numbers from invites, be prepared to ask for favours. This could be an opportunity to build contacts. However for this event Id ring school and explain disappointed no arrangements for children to attend as you just literally have no childcare.

Sitters.co.uk are often quoted as the solution to every babysitting problem, but they don't actually cover all of the UK - they don't operate where I live. And having had a bit of a google, I can't find any babysitting service at all of this sort (ie insured, criminal record checks etc) that covers my area.

Just looked in my local area on sitters website.
£7.20 per hour. Minimum of 3 hrs expected.

It also says

Sitters childcare agency fees are made up of a quarterly membership fee and booking fees. Your family can have access to experienced Sitters childcarers for just £14.95 for 3 months (just over £1 per week).

Each time you book a Sitter, we charge a nominal booking fee of £4 (or £6 for bookings at temporary addresses, for daycare bookings and bookings made at less than 12 hours’ notice).

So OP is looking at £40 to get a sitter....... mmm not really affordable for a school event!

Ask your nearest Mumsnetter. Part of being a parent is having to find solutions to these problems. We've all been there.

Dear me Fresh Horizons. How many posts on this thread? I think you've made your point And of course you'd be able to pay extortionate prices for minimum hours babysitters. What with your husband paying for it and all

OP give the school a call on this occasion. See what they suggest. It may be that there are a few other people in the same boat. Ours has one of the TAs at every meeting like this, set up with colouring books etc in one of the classrooms.

Once she hovers to school, you'll find that you'll get to know some of the other parents a bit better and can start to build up a bit of a support network where you can share a bit of childminding or have someone who can share the info with you after meetings etc.

Good luck

Perhaps people have suggested sitters as a possible solution rather than "the solution to every babysitting problem." If it's too pricey the op can either go with another suggestion someone has made or not go.

School should be putting on a crèche for parents in these situations. They only need to say book in advance for a space so they have enough staff. Around here, schools either pay teaching assistants or the PTA pays. It's not a huge sum of money for schools and far more inclusive than assuming everyone has a lovely granny, next door neighbour or mate who can help out. Or money to pay a sitter. I certainly can't afford one.

School mine are at did this when I raised the issue. Now there is a crèche for PTA meetings too. Numbers attending school meetings (including PTA) went up significantly.

I've hired a babysitter as I said in pp. I'm not 'leaving my child with a stranger' I found her on childcare website, read refs and ratings (childcare professional ) contacted her direct and we arranged a meeting (no charge) for her to meet dcs and discuss the job.

Hate the implication that because I have done this, I must be happy to leave my child with any old stranger available. In my opinion it's a better option than missing the induction meeting.

However I'm sure people miss them for all kinds of reasons, and it's not a massive deal op, you'll get the information somehow, just explain to the school.

childcare.co.uk is a good place to find babysitters - I found really good afterschool care there (and was overrun with applications, even though I live rurally in an area which Sitters doesn't cover).

The reason these things say 'no kids' is that if they don't, the whole family pitches up. Meaning instead of 120 people at a meeting, you've got 400.

OP - I'm a single parent. I've realised that the very worst thing you can do as a single parent is live very rurally - you need to be in a small town at least (ideally one with a college that runs a childcare course).

If you have no friends or family living locally, then honestly I would move somewhere where there's a much greater chance of networking.

and you leave your child with 'strangers' at nursery brownies etc initially until the child gets to know them. what do you think is going to happen?

SOme people get on with life include yes we single mothers who work full time and pay childcare and others just go on about how things are impossible. At the end of the day the doeers not the moaners tend to find life goes better for them so probably the best solution on this thread is go off and find a babysitter like the rest of us and if that means you have to work another few hours one weekend or swap an evening babysitting for a friend then so be it. That's life. It's tough. We just get on with it.

I think the word 'mumtitlement' (see thread) was probably invented for some of the posters on here: school should provide a creche, they could pay the TAs, (who also require child care); ring the school and say you will pop in at another time; take your child with you.
As a single mother and former teacher I managed to find babysitters in a rural area because I had to, and I had to pay for them. So agree with user1463231665.

My daughters school are providing a crèche for this meeting. Though I will bring newborn into meeting. YANBU OP & you should call them to discuss how they can enable you to attend the meeting.

Sorry, I worded my earlier post badly and I really didn't mean to imply that anyone who uses babysitters is happy to leave their child with any old stranger. I know that isn't the case, and I realise that is not how my post came across, because I worded it so badly. I didn't honestly understand how it worked - the way people have posted about it in the past, I thought that you booked someone and they turned up, I didn't know that you had settling in sessions where you got to know the babysitter first.

I think it is very unlikely (although certainly not impossible) that any harm would come to a child in the care of a babysitter. In the same way that I think it is very unlikely that any harm would come to a child from a stranger because they are playing out with their friends (although again, not impossible). My original point that I was trying to make, very badly, was that I always find it odd that where the risks of these two things are probably statistically about the same, one is dismissed as lazy parenting, whilst the other is seen as 'what a responsible parent does' and I just find it odd.

As for mumtitlement, it is not mumtitlement for me to point out that there are no formal babysitting agencies in my area. (Nor are there breakfast clubs or after schools clubs.) That is not me being entitled, or negative, or refusing to find a solution for a problem, it's just a fact. Thankfully I have friends who can help me, but if the OP happens to live where I live (and she might, as she hasn't given any indication as to where she lives) then I can see how she might find that people's proposed solutions don't actually work for her.

Youc an ask a friend to do a swap though even if no babysitting websites in the area.

In life people are either "it's impossible" or those who "make it happen". It tends to do you more good and be a better example to the children if you make it happen.

Because its ok to leave children with neighbours, people you might not know ...

I can see it from the school's point of view but equally, for the OP, its no good saying 'Oh just dump the child on a neighbour' or 'Find money you don't have to pay for a stranger to mind your child'.

OP, don't. Contact the school, explain your position and ask if you (with your child) can meet the teacher and collect information at the end of a school day that suits them.

You don't have to be a super-parent, a 'make it happen' person. Its ok to be you.

On the subject of babysitters - a registered childminder might do it as a one-off but won't be cheap.

I do share favours with friends, and I do find a way to work round things. (Had a very difficult childcare situation a few weeks ago where I had to find childcare at short notice and neither of us were allowed leave from work. Our first emergency help couldn't do it, our second couldn't do it and our third couldn't do it either. It was a nightmare situation.)

I was just responding to the posters upthread who said that if you don't have a friend you can ask, you use an agency, simple as that. I think people don't always realise that the facilities they are used to don't always exist in other places (which was why I mentioned after school clubs etc).

The induction is not that important.

Colleagues of my DH asked a nice elderly couple to babysit.lovely. Until recently when it has come out the man has been abusing them.

If you're near me, I'll babysit. Seriously, if you can get over these early hurdles, you'll make friends with the other parents & get some reciprocal swaps going. X

You have my sympathy, OP. I was a single mother in Dublin in the eighties and couldn't even join Gingerbread because all their meetings were in the evenings.

YABU, sorry OP.

If you lived near me I would help you