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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel excluded from my child's education before it even begins?

146 replies

Throwmynameaway · 23/05/2016 21:53

School has an induction evening in a couple of weeks. The letter says that it's for parents only (bolded and underlined) and children can not be accommodated. Letter also mentions how important the evening is to meet teachers and get first week info. No mention of alternative dates or times to meet the teachers or get this induction info if you can't attend. I'm a single parent and have no one to baby sit so my options are to ignore the underlining and billing and hope they don't make a big deal out of me taking my child or to miss out on the induction. We haven't even started school and already my child is excluded just because I'm a single parent without a family/friend support network. And it's not just single parents. Anyone else who has other children and no babysitter and a partner who works can't attend.

AIBU?

OP posts:

alltheworld · 23/05/2016 22:51

I have been in your position and made huge efforts to get a sitter only to get to the event and find other children there. Call the school and explain. They may let your child come or they may offer you another appointment.

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 22:53

If you don't get a baby sitter for this occasion you need to find one and get a support system in place once he goes to school. What on earth will you do in an emergency (rushed into hospital etc) if you can't arrange care?

NonnoMum · 23/05/2016 22:55

Presumably your child goes to nursery? Is there anyone there who you help out? Either a parent of another child who would watch your child for an hour or so? Or perhaps one of the nursery staff who will do some evening babysitting?

almondpudding · 23/05/2016 22:56

I had to take DS into hospital with me for the night in that situation.

queenofthepirates · 23/05/2016 22:56

This is going to sound harsh but if you are stumbling at this stage, you need to find some sensible solutions for childcare. I'm a single mum too and had the same meeting last year. A couple of parents ignored to request not to bring children and it was a bun fight.

Try and work with the school at an early stage and they will reciprocate. If you mark yourself out as an awkward parent who can't organise a babysitter, they will get a but peeved, especially when you need their support on something. A good relationship with your DC's school is really useful.

NewLife4Me · 23/05/2016 22:56

Erm, how is your child already excluded?
The meeting is for you not her, otherwise children would be invited.
It's a chance for all parents to be together and you'll look bad turning up with child.
Just call them and tell them you can't make it and ask if you can pop in some other time.
You'll have loads of things at school like this and if you can't go then that's fine.
When your dc start school you can be proactive in setting up shared care and playdates, shared pick ups and drop off too.
Don't worry you won't be the only one and at least you want to go.
Maybe if enough people call they'll sort some care for the meeting.

MyMurphy · 23/05/2016 22:58

Im guessing that your child has the governments free nursery care? Ask one of the assistants to babysit?

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 22:59

Presumably you were conscious and able to cope almondpudding. I can't see that working if you are I the operating theatre for 2 hours.

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 23:01

As a single parent I put an advert in the paper.

almondpudding · 23/05/2016 23:01

Indeed, but presumably hospitals have some kind of protocol for such scenarios. I doubt they just leave you to die if you have nobody to hand your child to in the middle of the night.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 23/05/2016 23:03

All these babysitters who are magically available!
It's not magic. You sign up with an agency, they find you a sitter, you pay. So many people seem to find this difficult to grasp.

Travelledtheworld · 23/05/2016 23:03

you need to find a baby sitter now for your own sanity......

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 23/05/2016 23:03

Call the school, explain and ask if you can make an appointment to come in another time with dd in tow and get the information.

But you do need to have a back up childcare plan, whether friends or nursery staff or whatever. There will be many times over the coming years when you need to do things without her.

Presumably she's at nursery? Do you work? Who has her then?

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 23:06

Much better to have a support system in place than the trauma of the hospital having to arrange something with people your child doesn't know.

BoatyMcBoat · 23/05/2016 23:06

Just phone the school. This is likely to be an ongoing problem for you, so make contact now.

You have lots of time to find someone to sit with your dd, or to arrange an activity for her which covers the time you're at the school.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/05/2016 23:06

Of course you'll get an information pack if you're unable to attend. No-one at our school would think badly of you if you genuinely had no one you could ask to mind your child.

But I would give some serious thought to rectifying that - as pp have said, you need a support network if only for emergencies. Suppose you're unwell and can't get your child to school, what would you do then?

Dixiechickonhols · 23/05/2016 23:07

They will want another emergency contact too at school not just you. In case they can't get hold of you.

Agree with posters that trying to get a babysitter in place will be a big help. If the school run all the other parents evenings in the evening you will be in same boat then.

I'd assume they would put child in emergency foster care if parent was unconcious/in hospital long term and no one else.

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 23:07

Easy enough to find babysitters, nice easy work. You get your child used to them before you leave them.

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 23:08

The school will want an emergency contact for if your child is ill and they can't get hold of you.

applecart09 · 23/05/2016 23:10

My DC is year 3 now and I have missed all of these information evenings. School has just sent the information home or the teacher goes through the information with me at a later date.

I am a single parent and do not have help either. DCs school have been very accomodating and I have never felt I inconvenienced them or felt left out. What if you were travelling for work or were at work late and could not attend?

It's unreasonable to think that everyone has a 9-5 job.

I would suggest to just speak to the teacher.

littleGreenDragon · 23/05/2016 23:11

DC last school - did till end yr 5.

This was the only meeting they did where you couldn't take other siblings - though they did towards end of time there start putting on childcare for the Christmas plays.

Only other I had issues I had was with clashing meeting for different year groups. But the teachers were accommodating - suggesting which was best to attend and making sure had handouts.

I wasn't LP - but DH was working away from home and there were times he couldn't get back.

Usually these meeting are a way of passing important info to you - but it's usually on handouts as well and staff introducing themselves. So talk to the school and they might be able to do that without you attending the meeting.

You might be lucky and find the same as we did with that school- though their current school is much less flexible they are still usually approachable about getting handouts from meetings.

almondpudding · 23/05/2016 23:11

Yes, it is better to have something in place. The more support the better.

I'm just answering your question - what on earth would you do.

OP, just call school and get the info. These meetings really don't matter.

serin · 23/05/2016 23:13

Aside from the worry about the information evening, OP do you not see how vulnerable you are in not having anyone available to babysit for you?

Do you never leave DC's side?

Do you work? if so who has DC then? If not working you need to get out there and find yourself a support network, friends who you can call on (and they on you) for support.

BackforGood · 23/05/2016 23:15

YABU. You will also have many occasions in your life when it's not appropriate to take your child with you. When you have dc, one of the tons of things you have to do, is work out a way of getting them looked after when they can't go somewhere. It may be easier for a couple, but finding a babysitter isn't only done by single parents.
Things people do: pay a local teen / ask a friend / come to an agreement with another parent to help each other out / pay an agency / contact a local nursery and see if any staff would like to earn a bit extra / contact a local college (maybe one doing childcare or teacher training) and put an advert there / let the child's other parent take a turn.

ButteredUp · 23/05/2016 23:22

Some very naive posts on this thread. A lot of people (like me) are single parents or have partners who work away a lot. My 4 year old goes to a nursery/childminder during the day but neither babysit at night - I have asked - our families are all in another country, our friends scattered internationally, and we're in a thinly-populated a rural area that the big babysitting services don't seem to cover, and one without a culture of interested local teenagers, as people seem to babysit for family rather than for pay.

If an emergency came up during the day, absolutely there are people who could help me out at a pinch, but it can legitimately be very difficult to get night babysitters, even if you pay them and are happy to leave your child with a stranger.

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