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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who would say that???

134 replies

onlyslightlyinterested · 22/05/2016 21:18

So today, a woman I've never met comes round to pick up something she's bought from me online. She says ' oh I recognise you, I run down such and such lane, and I've seen you with your daughter'. I say I don't have a daughter. That's my boss, and she's 38, and I'm only 46, but thanks'. Aibu to think, she is a rude cock?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/05/2016 23:36

"I don't have a daughter. That's my boss, and she's 38, and I'm only 46, but thanks"

That was rude because it was designed to make the woman feel bad.

All she had to say was, "That wasn't my daughter".

MrsSpecter · 22/05/2016 23:48

I can't see how that is rude! Sarcastic but understandably so!

Its the sarcasm that makes it rude.

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 23:50

I don't think it is rude to make someone aware that their comment was offensive. Maybe this woman will think next time she decides to assume something that causes offense to someone else. Maybe not.

Original poster
onlyslightlyinterested · 22/05/2016 23:50

I have not been offended by anyone in here. In fact I did say I am probably being unreasonable

OP posts:
MrsSpecter · 22/05/2016 23:51

Its rude to do it with a barbed comment rather than saying "its not my daughter, i find your assumption offensive"

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 23:51

All she had to say was, "That wasn't my daughter".... and all the other woman had to say was 'nice day, lovely garden, this washing machine is a super deal... anything except, I saw you in your garden and am assuming you are some random woman's mum!

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 23:52

Your not being unreasonable OP.

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 23:53

You're not... sorry grammar fail!

MrsSpecter · 22/05/2016 23:54

and all the other woman had to say was 'nice day, lovely garden, this washing machine is a super deal.

Yes of course, she made a mistake. OP was deliberately rude in her response. There is a difference.

MrsSpecter · 22/05/2016 23:54

You are Wink

Original poster
onlyslightlyinterested · 22/05/2016 23:55

I thought I was being quite light-hearted, I don't really think in a wrinkled prune, just commenting on the crass assumptions people make. Must keep an eye on this self destructive behaviour

OP posts:
softjellyjunglecustard · 22/05/2016 23:58

Ouch. lesson learned is to never assume :) even if i thought she was your daughter i probably would've said 'i've seen you with your friend' just in case.

i kinda get why you were miffed but trust me she is feeling way worse about this than you are. and wrinkles mean nothing, OP. you're gawjuss Wink Flowers

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/05/2016 00:04

Obviously this woman put her foot in her mouth but I suppose being told you look older than you are is never going to be pleasant.

I anticipate similar in my future, to be honest.

Original poster
onlyslightlyinterested · 23/05/2016 00:06

Tar very much, and I am gorgeous, in my own way! DS tells me soGrin

OP posts:
TowerRavenSeven · 23/05/2016 00:14

Yanbu in thinking who would say that. I am nine years older than dh. I've always looked younger all my life, still do even though I'm 52. Anyway I was 38 years old and pregnant with ds (about 5 months but still small). I had on a maternity dress. Dh was in shorts and a Star Trek t shirt and did look very young...but...we were at a restaurant and our waitress in front of my whole family asked me if dh was my son!

I was beyond mortified. I still am. Every one we know assumes I'm dh's age, especially when ds is present. I told her, No, he was not my son, he was my husband and father of my child. So I had that same idea, who even says that - my whole family was so upset for me. The only thing was that the waitress genuinely thought dh was my son. She wasn't being deliberately awful. But I don't blame you at all. Some people are just clueless!!

Italiangreyhound · 23/05/2016 00:55

she made a mistake. OP was deliberately rude in her response. There is a difference.

Ha ha, the difference is one is trivial (the latter) and one is not! And I don't think most people take sarcasm as rudeness! If I made that type of mistake I'd rather get a sarky 'thanks' and then apologize profusely than be 'told off' with an explanation of how I'd messed up!

One can be rude or offensive by accident.

Justbeingnosey123 · 23/05/2016 00:59

I'm confused by you op are you saying she thought you were your boss?? Or she thought your boss was your daughter?? Big difference option one no offence option 2 I see your point

VioletBam · 23/05/2016 01:02

Nosey

. I say I don't have a daughter. That's my boss,

That's clear.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 23/05/2016 07:53

I remember a mnetter who saw a photo on her boss's desk and asked if that was him with his brother?
His reply was 'No that's my wife'.

Original poster
onlyslightlyinterested · 23/05/2016 08:04

Good grief! What on earth would make anyone assume that a photo on a work desk, would be your brother?? When in doubt, say nowt

OP posts:
derxa · 23/05/2016 08:54

She was a bit of a silly cow OP. I hate when people barge in conversationally like that.

PPie10 · 23/05/2016 09:06

When in doubt, say nowt

Yes but what if you aren't in doubt and to you the person looks like who you think it is.

EatShitDerek · 23/05/2016 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
onlyslightlyinterested · 23/05/2016 09:20

You may be right, but really no need to say it. I could have been her girlfriend/Auntie/parole officer/window cleaner, transgender Brother, any number of things, but in the course of a 5 minute conversation about a washing machine, there really is no need to assume

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/05/2016 10:16

But I don't get why you're still complaining and repeating that 'there was really no need to say it'.

That's just your opinion, because you chose to be hurt by it, instead of choosing to focus on other factors - like that she might have thought your boss was a lot younger.

There's really no need for any kind of small talk when you think about it.