To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

[Blackearlgrey]

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

Well, house ,if its so important to the parents that their 18 year old daughter can just leave and they aren't too bothered about seeing much of her again in the future, we know what their priorities are.
I'm with the people that think he at least very stubborn and inconsiderate and at worst pervy.

The dd in the opening post has no need to see her father naked - she is perfectly capable, as far as I know, of keeping out of the way or of averting her gaze.

But you don't know, timelytess, do you? It appears that he's wandering around naked for some time. Is she supposed to hide herself away in her own home?

This is getting too silly for words. Simply cover up on the odd occasion that she is around. I expect the older ones think he is pretty dire- they just haven't said so. I never made any comment on my friend's father with his naked gardening - but he wasn't a very pleasant sight- a pair of shorts would have been a vast improvement.

Of course a penis isn't the same as a nipple in a baby's mouth. A penis is only the same as a penis. But it was an analogy and the analogy wasn't that all body parts are equivalent, it was that being told to cover up a body part is about shaming someone because of that body part. Whether it's being told to cover your breasts, or a fat belly, or a scar, or a hairy fanjo or a penis. The cultural taboo around bodies hinges on shame.

Sad that someone can be considerate with adult guests but not their own DD.

I can't see why it is to do with shame.

See picture for stocking fillers for teens whose parents like to pretend they're the naked rambler. (According to Radio 4's news report on him, he will "wander up hill, down dale, and in all probability, back to jail".)

More seriously though, I remember the way my dad used to wander around in the mornings: not naked, but smelly from not having showered yet, still half asleep, very grumpy, desperate to go outside for the first smoke of the day. Nothing wrong with any of that in principle, but I found it embarrassing, and often wished he would stay out of sight until he was more "civilised". It didn't occur to me to say anything though.

Being well aware that the DD in question is much older than this, I'm just trying to imagine what things might have been like if my parents had been the naked-at-home type. I didn't go to friends' houses much as I was quite introverted; it might have been a bit of a shock to realise not everyone's parents wandered naked. I could only imagine the horror of bringing a friend round, or writing about my parents (as you might easily be asked to do in year 2 or 3) and mentioning that my dad tended to wander with no clothes on, put up on the classroom wall for all to see! Or alternatively, with teachers having to be detectives of anything untoward happening in the home, any mention of parents being naked is an automatic red alert, send the authorities round to make sure the children aren't being abused, etc.

Unfortunately the one daughter has got different moral values from the rest of the immediate family. The things is should her feelings come before everyone elses

That's extrapolating rather too much from the original post, House. There's no suggestion that the other daughters want to go around in the nude, and OP says "our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this." Otherwise she says the others are "a bit more relaxed about it" - which suggests that at best they're neutral. So we have the situation where OP doesn't seem to mind changing her practice, and it's only her DH who objects to making the incredibly minor adjustment of taking his clothes off in the bathroom instead of elsewhere in the house. And given that it's so minor, I would say that this is a case where he should put his daughter's feelings before his own.

My,

You are very keen to dictate to him what he SHOULD do but seem to think that his daughter has no obligation to either confront why she feels uncomfortable or to merely avoid where he is for 10 minutes a day.

I think that is a strange view on a parent/adult child relationship.

Augusta beat me to it on the a level point!

Larry why does he cover up for guests?

The interesting thing, for those that missed the further post from OP, is that OP, whilst a little sad from the "hippy" (her words) perspective, supports her DD in this.

Im guessing though that she probably isnt that uncomfortable and its just the awkwardness of being 18 and in a few years she will just realise that thats just them and leave it

All the more reason for a loving father to make this very minor adjustment for her now.

Cold,

I don't think he works out and has a shower when guests are there. If he did, it would be odd. He does not live naked but merely walks from one room to the shower after a work out. It is not Tarzan minus the loincloth!

Im not saying it would be easy to move out just that it is not an absolute right that she has to live there. Many people her age have to move out because they dont have supportive parents. Obviously its great that her parents support her but it is essentially their house isnt it now that she is an adult.
Re: the shame thing. I dont understand what you think is different about being uncomfortable with something and being ashamed? There would be a difference if it was something she was being made to do or have done to her but this is about her reaction to something someone else is doing with their own body in their own space.

Houseguests might be there then.

The OP specifically says there is no nakedness in communal areas when there are houseguests. OP does not say there is no exercise when there are houseguests.

I think he might have special 'for when there are guests' pants. Or perhaps a kimono.

larygrylls, how do you know it's only for 10 minutes a day?

And how do you know it's that easy for his daughter to avoid where he is? If she doesn't know when he'll be "working his way" round the house in the nude, how does she do that? What if he chooses to wander into the room where she is? What if he's ambling round the hall and she has to go through it to get out of the house to get to school, college or work?

Oh, ffs this is ridiculous.

An 18-year-old girl doesn't want to cop an eyeful of her dads cock on a regular basis and people are trying to say that somehow she is wrong?

No, and no amount of comparing it to bloody rice pudding and breastfeeding (wtf?) or suggesting it's 'only natural' is going to change the fact that if he continues doing this whilst knowing about her discomfort will make him an asshole with no respect for her boundaries.

As her father, he should be setting an example on respecting boundaries, not trying to prove some stupid point about his right to nudity.

I honestly can't get my head around how, even after her having the guts to tell him this makes her uncomfortable, he would still be able to face her in the hallway naked.

I don't think he works out and has a shower when guests are there. If he did, it would be odd.

Really? Why? I wouldn't expect my hosts to forego a gym routine just because I was staying with them.

And, since OP specifically says he doesn't go in for nakedness when they have house guests, that does rather imply that he specifically makes the effort to cover up for them.

I left home at 17. It has well and truly fucked my life up. I have no qualifications beyond GCSE because at that point in time getting a job to buy food and rent a room was more important so I had to leave partway through my first year at college. I won't go on further but in short (and IMO) if you want your kids to have a good start in adult life then you don't want to be pushing them out of the door at 18 and unprepared.

It's a fast moving thread and we've probably moved on from 'she can move out' now, so I apologise if we have.

Augustafinknottle; obviously he doesnt feel it is minor or he would do as she says. As ive said before he may feel that the issue is that if he complies he is giving the impression that her being uncomfortable with something someone else does that is legal, only involves themselves and is in their own space gives her the right to tell them to stop. I personally agree that that is not a very good message to give out.

I wouldn't expect my hosts to forego a gym routine just because I was staying with them

I would, if it involved having to look at my hosts balls.

I suspect I am not alone.