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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:38

They've said because breastfeeding is necessary. It isn't though is it? She could express and formula exists.

Again not something I think anyone should do because someone is uncomfortable, but it's exactly the same.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:41

Breast feeding was necessary to me.
I could never express.
You can't see the breast when you breast feed. I was out with a young friend only a couple of days ago. There was nothing to see- no one could have been embarrassed.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:42

But people here have been saying it doesn't matter what you can or can't see, or what the act is. It makes someone Uncomfortable and We Can't Have That.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:42

Doesn't matter bastards. You have the option of not making someone uncomfortable.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:42

In the unlikely even that she was embarrassed by it, the breastfeeding mother is sitting in one spot and adjusts clothing before they move. They are not wandering about.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 20:44

"But people here have been saying it doesn't matter what you can or can't see, or what the act is"

No, that's your interpretation.

As per my example above, if the adjustment is reasonable (get undressed in the bathroom) that's different to the adjustment being unreasonable (wear only yellow).

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:44

You could simply say 'I am breast feeding in the lounge' and then she could avoid if she wanted.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:45

I don't think that is what has been said Future - people have been quite specific that this is an issue because it is repeated exposure of genitals to an 18 year old girl who has said she does not want it to happen.

When the owner of the genitals will keep them covered for guests.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:45

You could simply say 'I am breast feeding in the lounge' and then she could avoid if she wanted.

Just like he can say "I'm walking naked" and she can not go where he is.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:46

I breast fed 3 babies all over the place- mostly people never even noticed- I can't recall anyone being uncomfortable.

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 20:46

And also, any teen uncomfortable with BF needs to have it explained that BF may well be in their sights out and about in a cafe etc and they'd have no right to comment, so they need to adjust (get used to it or look away)

Not so for wandering naked men.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 20:47

Why do you assume it is easier for him to change. He may see it as something important to be free to do in his own house.

More important than the feelings of the daughter he loves? When the only effort he has to make is getting undressed in the bathroom instead of the laundry room?

So this boils down to an acceptance on this board that the daughter's sexualization of and disgust with her father's body is a perfectly healthy thing for which the only reasonable response is that her father should act as though he should be ashamed of his body. And I really reject that.

But her objection reflects societal values. And she's not asking that he act as if he's ashamed of his body, she's asking that he act in the precisely the same way he and everybody else does most of the time, i.e. wear clothes. Do you wear clothes, Boom? Does that mean that you're acting as if you're ashamed of your body?

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:47

How does she know where he is if he is walking? Maybe if he said I am naked in the lounge for 20mins it would be a similar thing.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:48

Indeed AHell I haven't noticed many cafes with 'Cocks welcome to be out her' stickers in the window...

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:48

KindDogsTail she does have the choice. At 18 she could leave. If she is really that uncomfortable with her parents lifestyle then she probably should leave. Im guessing though that she probably isnt that uncomfortable and its just the awkwardness of being 18 and in a few years she will just realise that thats just them and leave it. The rest of her older siblings have accepted it as just how their parents live. When i was 18 i was embaressed about some of the things my mother wore out, shed wear mad bright colours and big hats. Now im older i realise that besides being my mother she is also a person, and she has the right to express herself my embaressment over her clothes never stopped her wearing them and nor should it have. Dont bend your morals to the whims of your children because they are growing and changing every day anyway and i think its more important for them to see that you are true to yourself and your values. I honestly do think that. I respect my mother more now for never dressing down to please me. There are times in my life when that has been a valuable lesson. I expect that the OP wants to show her daughter that someone elses shame should not dictate how you behave.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:48

*here

larrygrylls · 22/05/2016 20:48

Future,

You are spot on. People are being v inconsistent. 'Uncomfortable' should be enough to change behaviour here but, whenever anything similar is brought up, it is suddenly different.

Everyone assumes it would be a small thing for him to acquiesce. As none of us know him, we can't say that. Maybe going around his own home nsked is hugely important to him.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:50

The huge difference is that mothers have the legal right to breastfeed wherever they like- they don't have the legal right to walk around naked so therefore there is no comparison.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:51

house the OP changed her own approach to nudity.

And why do you keep insisting the daughter is feeling shame?

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:51

A few people earlier said if someone you love is uncomfortable you stop, whatever it is.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 20:51

i know its also their home but as an adult child they do have the choice to move out.

Get real, house. How does an 18 year old in the middle of A levels have the choice to move out?

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:52

larry but it isn't important enough to him to remain naked when there are guests....