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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:04

That is completely different Ifiwasabadger- no comparison.

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 20:08

Do people really not know the difference between a nipple in a baby's mouth and a penis!! They are not the same thing!

But for the record if my adult daughter was in any way distressed by the sight of me breastfeeding her sibling I would make arrangements to do it away from her. Why? Because I would care about my adult daughter's feelings!

LadyReuleaux · 22/05/2016 20:09

No breastfeeding is not the same at all, because it's necessary, non-gratuitous and not that visible anyway (baby's head tends to block the view). If a mum of an 18yo DS walked to and fro topless when it embarrassed him, that would be more comparable. Even then, breasts are not as taboo as genitals so it's actually really only comparable to a mum of an 18yo DS having her fanjo out in front of him.

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:10

YANBU I think as your children are adults and its your home then if you want to be naked you should be naked (as long as its not sexual in context or in your childrens personal space). I assume your daughter who is uncomfortable with it has her own room and space that you are not naked in. I dont really think its ok for your child to tell you how to behave in your own home, i know its also their home but as an adult child they do have the choice to move out. She shouldnt really be setting the rules over how you behave as long as you are not putting her in danger or anything like that. Just as i assume you respect that she is an adult and able to make choices about her own behaviour she needs to realise that you are also individuals who have a right to behave however you wish in your own house. You are actually all adults.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:13

But house - the dad wouldn't get his genitals out if there were guests. Who are also adults.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timelytess · 22/05/2016 20:19

We didn't go in for gratuitous nudity when my daughter lived at home. But we would sometimes pass from the bathroom to elsewhere without clothes. We would call out "Naked person in the hall!" and the other occupant of the house would stay out of the way for a couple of minutes. No obsessive covering up, no rules, just respect for each other. The dd in the opening post has no need to see her father naked - she is perfectly capable, as far as I know, of keeping out of the way or of averting her gaze.

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:20

Its a conflict of moral values essentially. Unfortunately the one daughter has got different moral values from the rest of the immediate family. The things is should her feelings come before everyone elses? From what the OP says it sounds as though their moral view is that no one should be ashamed of their naked body and that they shouldnt be made to feel ashamed just because one of their adult children has decided that she is ashamed. So given that they are all adults whose view is more important? Really it should be that they are all given equal consideration. I would personally side with the parents because they are not forcing her to be naked or being naked in space that belongs to her. They are being naked themselves in communal space that they pay for. What she is asking of them is actually more than they are asking of her.
It is similar to the breastfeeding issue in that id view it the same way, the breasts use is not sexual or meant to offend. If the bodies of her parents offend her or she finds it sexual she should look away. Clearly her parents intention isnt to be sexual or embaress her this is just the way they have always acted in their own home.

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:22

But its context isnt it? He might if guests were staying over for a long time. Maybe they would see him walking to and from the bathroom etc. I dont think the OP is talking about him cooking naked or gardening naked its just that they dont feel that they should have to worry about covering up in their own house just because their daughter is ashamed. I can see their point is that they would feel like they were accepting that her shame was ok if they did that and they dont think theres anything to be ashamed of.

ivykaty44 · 22/05/2016 20:23

Chocolate

Let's hope you never have to nurse your father in old age then and help him bath etc

A naked body is a naked body and there is no need to make out it is something disgusting

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:25

The Op says 'no nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests'

It doesn't say that the daughter is ashamed. It says she feels uncomfortable. Very different.

Claraoswald36 · 22/05/2016 20:27

I hated my parents walking around naked when I was a kid. Can only judge from my own experience but I try to avoid it now my kids are older it's just unnecessary

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:29

It would be similar if your family were nudists. Obviously its up to you if you want to be a nudist or not but its not up to you to tell your family that they cant. If my parents suddenly decided they were nudists i wouldnt do it myself and i would maybe find it a bit embaressing but i would accept that as adults they have a right to behave however they want in their own home. And id also know that as an adult child if i went and lived with them id still have no right to tell them how to behave. Similarly if they came to live in my home id expect them not to start telling me how to behave.

KindDogsTail · 22/05/2016 20:30

as an adult child they do have the choice to move out
Some families do not expect 18 year olds to move out of their own home.

The way things are it would come at a cost to that 18 yr old's future life, and parents who want the best for their children would want to avoid this happening without a lot of care and planning..

Her home should be a haven. She is not a lodger in a bedroom.

It is perfectly normal for people to be dressed in communal rooms, women included.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:32

I have had to help my mother bath now that she is really old and of course I don't mind but that doesn't mean that I wanted to see her walking around naked earlier.
It isn't as if she is ashamed of naked bodies- she simply doesn't want to see her parents naked- and who can blame her?! I certainly wouldn't.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 20:33

But house why is it so important for him to carry on, when his daughter has expressed how she feels? The mum has modified her approach to nudity because she picked up on these feelings.

But he doesn't continue when there are guests.

It makes no sense.

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:34

It is no big deal- plenty of time without her there and she will move out before long- in the meantime it is just obstinate to insist.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:35

I'm going to start this by saying I support breastfeeding. I attempted to breastfeed, I think breastfeeding is great and I think it is absolutely her choice.

But...no one "needs" to breastfeed. So you can't use that argument. Breast is "best" but if it's making someone uncomfortable, using your logic the woman should compromise and use bottles around the person who has complained.

Now, again I don't agree with this. Women should be able to breastfeed wherever they want and anyone who doesn't like it can not look.

I'm just saying the logic is similar.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 20:36

It would be similar if your family were nudists. Obviously its up to you if you want to be a nudist or not but its not up to you to tell your family that they cant.

Quite

Sunnybitch · 22/05/2016 20:36

Would it really be that much of an inconvenience for him to put a sock on it while she's around??

If this was a male flat mate making her feel uncomfortable like this because he refused to put clothes on, what would you, or even more importantly, what would your dh be telling her to do?

FreshHorizons · 22/05/2016 20:36

The logic is not similar. Someone has already explained why not.

KindDogsTail · 22/05/2016 20:37

House
Obviously its up to you if you want to be a nudist or not but its not up to you to tell your family that they cant.

Parents have all the power. They can do anything they want. The child can't stop them.

So what, then? It is his house. It is his choice. He can be nude if he wants. That is good, right, just as it should be?

In the process of being a loving father who respects his daughter there are some things he can do, but some he may not- different things.

She has the choice to stay away from a nudist camp, not to stay away from her nude father.

houseeveryweekend · 22/05/2016 20:38

Because the daughter is the one asking someone to change their behaviour. They are not asking her to do anything. This is how they have always behaved. What if she decided she was vegetarian and didnt want to see any meat there so they had to stop eating meat, or that she hated religion and if they were religious they needed to take down any religious symbols they had up..... ? where do you draw the line. I think that if she doesnt want to be naked then she doesnt have to be ad if she doesnt want to see them naked then she could just turn away. Does she really have a right to tell them to cover up? And how long does that right last? What if she is still living there at 30? do they still have to do as she asks?