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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 19:13

Naked rambler:

In 2003 Mr Gough walked naked from Land's End to John O'Groats, earning the name the Naked Rambler. He has been frequently arrested for minor public order offences which criminalise threatening, abusive or insulting behaviour within sight of another person who may be caused harassment, alarm or distress.

That offence does not carry a prison sentence, just a fine. However, breaching the anti-social behaviour orders that he has been placed under has led to ever longer prison terms.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 19:14

Kinddogs I'm not implying that feet are pensises anymore than I would imply that any body part is another body part. But I am saying that there is nothing inherently offensive or obscene about any part of the human body, including the penis.

So this boils down to an acceptance on this board that the daughter's sexualization of and disgust with her father's body is a perfectly healthy thing for which the only reasonable response is that her father should act as though he should be ashamed of his body. And I really reject that.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 19:15

fidelix Sun 22-May-16 18:58:10

"Maybe, cory - would be interesting to hear from some Germans if my theory is correct, or your experience more accurate.

Certainly, none of my German relatives thought to ask me if I objected if they stripped off (and yes, I was incredibly uncomfortable with it!). "

fidelix, to me there would be a difference between assuming somebody was uncomfortable and listening to them if they said they were uncomfortable.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 22/05/2016 19:15

I remember reading that the naked ramblers children were pissed off with him and embarrassed and didn't have much to do with him.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 19:17

Well quite a part from his rambling, the naked rambler was an ass - did you ever see an interview with him? Not a great guy.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 22/05/2016 19:19

Yes, and I think he'd been an absent, maintence dodging parent as well.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 19:21

Neither clothes nor lack of clothes maketh the man!

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 19:23

"I am saying that there is nothing inherently offensive or obscene about any part of the human body, including the penis. "

Inherently? Maybe not. Societally and legally? There's no offence of indecent exposure of the feet!

Yes, I know that in his own home, he isn't breaking the law, but the law shapes the perception.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 19:25

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 22-May-16 19:14:42

"So this boils down to an acceptance on this board that the daughter's sexualization of and disgust with her father's body is a perfectly healthy thing for which the only reasonable response is that her father should act as though he should be ashamed of his body. And I really reject that."

So why is a kindly "ok, I don't mind putting on a dressing gown for a few minutes if it means something to you" acting as if he is ashamed of his body? Does this man need validation from his teenage daughter?

Janecc · 22/05/2016 19:28

Whether or not he should feel ashamed of his body is irrelevant. But he sure as hell should feel ashamed of his behaviour towards his DD.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sepa · 22/05/2016 19:30

OP just wondering, if this was, say, a hypothetical DS walking around in all his glory and made your DD uncomfortable what would you/DH do? Would you tell him to put pants on or tell your DD that it's ok for DS to be starkers?

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/05/2016 19:31

AHell in law there is nothing inherently obscene about the penis either. Though the use of it sexually may make it obscene. But it is the sexuality of it that is what makes it obscene. Not it's existence.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/05/2016 19:31

Fidelex - if someone you lived with (parent, partner etc) repeatedly did something that upset you - something they did on a regular and frequent basis - and you told them how it upset you, would you be happy if they said it was their right to do whatever it was, and carried in, knowing that it was upsetting you?

Would you be happy to have your feelings ignored in that way? Because for me, that's what matters here - is the dd upset by her dad refusing to acknowledge her feelings?

I cannot understand a parent who is being told that an easily avoidable, non-essential part of their behaviour is upsetting their beloved child, and is refusing to change that behaviour.

I had a nickname for the boys when they were younger - little Herberts - it was jokey and affectionately meant - but if of them had told me it was hurting their feelings, I would have stopped. Their feelings would have mattered more to me than my 'right' to use an affectionate nickname.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 19:33

I walk around naked with the curtains open. Never has anyone ever complained.

I don't make a show of standing at the window but if I need to walk past I will.

I've never even thought about it until this thread.

Woodhill · 22/05/2016 19:34

Can't he put a dressing gown on.

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2016 19:39

Can't see why he can't get undressed in the bathroom, shower, put on clean underwear/dressing gown then pick up sweaty clothes and take to washing machine.

Then dirty body is not touching clean clothes.

That's what happens in our house anyway.

JorahTheExplorer · 22/05/2016 19:42

Fucking hell how is this still being debated?

Insisting on showing your naked body to another person who has clearly stated they don't want you to is both wrong and selfish.

He knows that the end result of him strolling around with his cock out is his daughter feeling uncomfortable and he does it anyway. Therefore he is deliberately making her feel uncomfortable. How and why is that okay?

future I too walk around semi naked with the curtains open. This is not wrong of me. If my neighbour knocked on my door and said 'look Jorah I can regularly see you naked through the window and it's making me feel rather uncomfortable' and I still continued to walk around naked with the curtains open, then I would be wrong because I would be aware of their discomfort and actively ignoring it.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 19:43

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 22-May-16 19:31:22

"AHell in law there is nothing inherently obscene about the penis either. Though the use of it sexually may make it obscene. But it is the sexuality of it that is what makes it obscene."

Of course. And it is in the nature of young teens to have very strong sexual thoughts which they often find it difficult to control. Hormones and that.

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 19:46

"AHell in law there is nothing inherently obscene about the penis either. "

Then why is indecent exposure possible for the penis but not for the foot?

Am I missing something herE?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/05/2016 19:48

"I walk around naked with the curtains open. Never has anyone ever complained.

I don't make a show of standing at the window but if I need to walk past I will.

I've never even thought about it until this thread."

This is very different, though, Future - it's unlikely that people passing by will notice you, no if they do, it's unlikely that the same people are going to be going past on a regular and frequent business, and I don't think you owe a great duty of care to someone who might catch a fleeting glimpse of you when they are wandering past but who might only see you once and probably isn't going to be spotting you often.

Whereas what the OP is describing is happening often, to the same person within her own home, and is far, far more than a single/very occasional fleeting glimpse - and her father has much more of a responsibility to consider her feelings than you do consider the feelings of a stranger who might spot you once.

Peanutbutterrules · 22/05/2016 19:54

Oh just yuk.

You've been asked to stop. Stop.

Choceeclair123 · 22/05/2016 20:01

I never EVER want to see my father naked ewwwww

Ifiwasabadger · 22/05/2016 20:02

What if the daughter said she was upset with her mother breastfeeding in front of her? Genuine question.

ovaryhill · 22/05/2016 20:04

This is vile, continuing to expose your genitals in front of your daughter despite knowing she is uncomfortable with it is abuse