To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

[Blackearlgrey]

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

There's a difference between being unempathetic and belittling them.

No I'm not. I personally couldn't care less if you get deleted. I rarely report posts because I'm not that sensitive.

fidelix Sun 22-May-16 18:36:25

"cory and NotYoda - I did get the impression that this was fairly typical for Germany, yes (though am happy to be proved wrong if there are any Germans reading this thread!).

They also tend to be more comfortable talking about biological functions eg toilet activities etc.

Obviously, cultural differences and all that, but I think they'd feel a bit sorry for us with all our needless angst."

As I said, I am Scandinavian, and I do not think talking cheerfully about bodily functions and swimming in the nude are necessarily relevant to whether you accept that an adolescent may feel uncomfortable about seeing her father nude in the house. I am pretty well prepared to bet that my Scandinavian male relatives would be happy to put a dressing gown on if asked by their teen daughters and would not make a big song and dance about it. It also has nothing to do, in my honest (and Scandinavian) opinion with whether you go hysterical over stranger danger or not.

Yes you have. I explicitly stated things several times and you twisted them.

BoomBoom
I'm reminded of the thread about bare feet that had a different consensus over how much someone's dislike of anothers' body should be considered.

Feet are not your father's penis.

Are you somehow implying feet and penises are just the same? What does that mean?..... Unless your cultural viewpoint has skewed your perceptions.... ...it is all just a social construction etc, etc?

Some people probably argue that about paedophilia or incest.

This child does not like her father doing this. It is a big thing for her. It is invading her privacy at a sensitive time in her life. It is abusive in effect if not intention.

Anyway, in my opinion, if by any chance someone in a family felt truly upset about bare feet it would also be unpleasant to persist in wearing them bare front of them.

So many Straw Man arguments being put here

No I haven't. I moaned about a group of teenagers hanging out in a car park space.

It genuinely isn't a personal attack. If it makes you feel better, I was convinced you had it in for me!

Agree with your post KindDogs

I don't see why your dh can't shout a warning, coming through naked - then your dc has the oppertunity to stay put until the naked father has past through that part of the house.

DD runs to the bathroom naked and shouts a warning, I avert my eyes or stay in my room.
Thing with us is dd doesn't want me to see her naked and I respect that so we have this system & it works.

DD doesn't worry about seeing me naked so I don't have to shout a warning

Why do you insist on sexualising a naked body

don't see why your dh can't shout a warning, coming through naked - then your dc has the oppertunity to stay put until the naked father has past through that part of the house.

This is what a few of us said earlier

Maybe, cory - would be interesting to hear from some Germans if my theory is correct, or your experience more accurate.

Certainly, none of my German relatives thought to ask me if I objected if they stripped off (and yes, I was incredibly uncomfortable with it!). But looking back, I don't feel traumatised by it, amused possibly - but actually it was good at that formative time in my life to see that there were people for whom naked bodies were no big deal and nothing to be ashamed of. I think teenage girls probably struggle with that idea even more now.

There doesn't need to be an argument Yoda.

That is where the real fallacy lies.

The question is about a response that would be instinctive for some fathers - without argument - to respect his daughter's request about what is a sensitive issue for her, just because she is his daughter and he loves her.

WhointheFuck he wasn't simply taken to court for being naked though. Whichever offense he was charged with would have had other elements to it. You can be naked in pubic without breaking the law. We even have some nudist beaches around. The naked rambler, though constantly arrested was rarely convicted of anything criminal. And the nude models on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square weren't either, because it isn't illegal to simply be naked.

My dad used to do this. Absolutely fucking horrible.

Fidelix,

I think that is the crux. The father sees Nudity as natural and non sexual. The daughter sees nudity in a non-sexualised context as strange.

Why do you assume it is easier for him to change. He may see it as something important to be free to do in his own house.

Agree with those who say to shout a warning.

If someone isn't comfortable about something it isn't kind to persist- I can't see that anything else comes into it.

Should add, cory, that this was in the old DDR, so attitudes may have been a little more down-to-earth than in trendy West Germany. You couldn't really afford not to be matter-of-fact there!

It's really not hard to stay out the way when someone says "I'm coming through naked".

My dad isn't comfortable with nudity, me and my mum are. I simply say "don't look dad, I'm in my undies/naked walking past".

Easy.

Future, I haven't seen you around before, but statements like "This is why I really dislike most people. Emotive, irrational, and unable to let others get on with their lives when they are not hurting you." are very strong.

boomboom he was charged with public Indecency. I rememebr giggling (I was young at the time) while reading the newspaper article saying he admitted programming his VCR player with only a dressing gown on and the dressing gown wasn't done up. People in the street could see his genitals!!

It was over 20 years ago and I can't remember if he was found guilty or not.

I walk round the house naked. I don't do it if I have friends/neighbours/colleagues over.

If dd said she didn't like it I would stop. No problem, no drama. She raises an issue and I consider her feelings are more important than my "right" to be naked in my own house.

If she told me she didn't like me wearing red socks I would laugh at her.

It's about what most people would consider to be a reasonable request.

I really don't understand flashers, after all the meat and two veg are not exactly beautiful