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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 22/05/2016 12:52

Your DD should try pointing and laughing hysterically at him when he does it. Or maybe make loud vomiting noises? Or do like a squeaky mouse impression? Just suggestions .

I think he's being a knob personally.

On a practical note, could your DH not just TRY nipping straight into the bathroom to take his sweaty pants off, have a shower, put a robe on and THEN take the dirty things to the washing machine?

BlueMoonRising · 22/05/2016 12:57

Someone that expects life and everything in it to be 'logical' is heading for a tough time. Especially when they have children.

But with this scenario:

18yo daughter feels awkward and uncomfortable with her father being naked around her. Is it logical to continue doing that knowing that it is affecting someone else's life negatively, when modifying the behaviour is simple and takes no more time than not changing the behaviour?

NotYoda · 22/05/2016 13:01

cory

Great posts. You understand and can articulate what it's like for many teenagers

unsullied

"Well he's setting a horrible example to her of how men should behave, isn't he? Something he can easily not do has made her uncomfortable and his response equates to "tough shit, it's my house""

Totally agree with that

And what's more, the OP is being compromised too: she doesn't agree that DD should be embarrassed, but she covers up for her sake. She allows her DH to ignore DDs wishes though

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 13:04

But ... but ... is he "walking around naked" or passing briefly through on his way to the shower?

OP gave the impression of the latter. So why can't the DD avoid the hallway for 4 minutes after he gets out of the gym?

Not really. OP referred to him "wandering around" in the nude and "working his way to the shower". And it's not the 4 minutes after he gets out of the gym, he's going to wherever the washing machine is and stripping there. Why would it be unreasonable to ask him to get undressed in the bathroom?

And why should OP's DD have to avoid part of the house she lives in? How is she supposed to sense precisely when her father is going to "work his way" to the shower?

Italiangreyhound · 22/05/2016 13:14

Blackearlgrey I've not read all the comments but have read some and have tried to read all of yours.

A genune question from me would be 'Do you like having your daughters live with you or would you prefer them to move out?'

If you want them to stay (at least for the time being) or are happy for them to stay then allowing your dh to make your youngest feel uncomfortable in her own home is not the way to go

Although it is your dh's home it is also your dd's home and I think that when something makes people feel uncomfortable then that should be respected. For all the reasons other posters have mentioned.

In your opening post you said "No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course."

Why?

Maybe because the may be offended or uncomfortable? I am guessing that is at least part of the reason.

So if that is the case then your husband is able to respect the feelings of his guests and not his own daughter.

I think young women get subject to quite a lot of situations that can make them feel uncomfortable and the fact your dh is adding to it is totally not appropriate and shows a very selfish side to him, which would make me feel quite uncomfortable, IMHO.

So for me whether you are being unreasonable all boils down to whether you want your girls living at home and whether you view it as their home or not. The fact any man could put his 'right' to walk about naked 'in his own home' above his daughters 'right' not to see a naked man in 'her own home' is... well.... a bit beyond me.

wanderings · 22/05/2016 13:19

Read Digging to Australia, by Lesley Glaister. A 13-year-old girl describes the embarrassment of living with her naturist grandfather, and being made to do "the daily dozen": physical exercises for which everyone in the house is naked.

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 13:40

"So if that is the case then your husband is able to respect the feelings of his guests and not his own daughter."

This. Exactly.

dodobookends · 22/05/2016 13:55

Suppose that one morning your DH has absentmindedly forgotten that your dd's friend has been for a sleepover, and she accidentally sees him walking around the house naked. How uncomfortable would that make him feel?

RiverCambs · 22/05/2016 14:13

*In what world is it normal for the following conversation to happen?

"Urgh, dad, put something on, I can see your nob!"

"No, this is my house! And my penis! If you don't like it, that's your problem!"*

Hahaha!

dementedma · 22/05/2016 14:18

A vote here for him to put some clothes on.

PirateFairy45 · 22/05/2016 14:21

Your DH walks round the house naked? Like, penis naked? No, just no

Your daughter feels uncomfortable. Shouldn't SHE be allowed to be comfortable in her own home?

Bet that kid can't wait to leave home.

Middleoftheroad · 22/05/2016 14:21

My dad did this. I felt embarrassed. It's all very well telling a teen to grow up but she's 18 and that's her dad. Sorry but nobody wants to see their dad's dongle dangling no matter how enlightened we should all be about nakedness!!!

almondpudding · 22/05/2016 14:22

'I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?'

I think you're missing the point with this bit OP. It isn't about what other people's families do or how comfortable other posters are with nudity. I'm comfortable with nudity, but I'm aware not everyone is and it is about being respectful and considerate of other people's feelings. In this case, other people being your daughter.

As a previous poster said, do you want her to live with you? Do you want her to be comfortable.

I mean, I have teenagers in the house and you can't say yes to everything.

But is having his dick out around the house really the hill your husband wants family harmony to die on?

TowerRavenSeven · 22/05/2016 14:25

YABU. When your dd leaves home then you can do as you please. If it makes her uncomfortable than he needs to stop.

TowerRavenSeven · 22/05/2016 14:27

I take my ds to an art museum to find out what naked bodies look like.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 22/05/2016 14:29

If it was a quick nip down the corridor to the shower i think she could avoid it but 'working his way' indicates he's not exactly headed straight there.

Sorry OP. I think your dh is being unreasonable. I'm also really squicked out by the idea of getting naked in the utility room/kitchen/wherever the washing machine is, but I don't know why!

AtSea1979 · 22/05/2016 14:31

DP INBU.

So DD opens her bedroom door, her dad is walking past, she closes it. No big deal.
Who pays the bills? In my house that's the person/people who set the rules. If the rest don't like it then good luck finding somewhere cheaper to live.

almondpudding · 22/05/2016 14:36

Yeah, that's a weird parental combination AtSea.

Carefree about nudity and a hardline authoritarian at the same time!

Doinmummy · 22/05/2016 14:39

If the daughter had a habit of picking her nose and eating it (boak)
and this made the father feel sick, he'd tell her and she would have to stop doing it in his company.

Same as nudity, daughter doesn't like it so the father should not do it in her company.

Coldlightofday · 22/05/2016 14:41

almond like a naturist Kim Jong-un?

dodobookends · 22/05/2016 14:44

Who pays the bills? In my house that's the person/people who set the rules ... and everyone else has to do as they are told? What about a SAHP - would they have to abide by the naked bill-payer's rules as well?

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 22/05/2016 14:47

I'm laid back about nudity and wonder round the house in the buff. Only have a dd who is 15yo. Since she was about 11yo or 12yo Dh has always made sure he has at least got pants on. He wears more clothes 99% of the time but if it's an early morning loo dash he pulls on some pants before leaving the bedroom.

Unicow · 22/05/2016 14:48

Think about it In basic terms for a minute. Your DD is upset that she is encountering a naked man presumably on a reasonably frequent basis. She has asked him if he can please not expose his body to her. He has refused despite knowing that his nakedness makes her uncomfortable. He continues to expose his naked body to her.

If this were outside your home it would be called flashing, sexual harassment etc.

To me it's a no brainier. She is uncomfortable in her own house. There is a very simple solution to solve this. Just get him to put some pants on. No one needs to see there dads bits. I cannot see why you wouldn't do everything you could to stop YOUR CHILD from being uncomfortable in their own home.

liz70 · 22/05/2016 14:49

AtSea, have you parachuted in from the 19th century? Hmm