Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
howabout · 22/05/2016 11:04

Interesting how much attitudes to nudity have changed over the last 50 years. As a society we seem much more inclined to cover up now.

I am undecided on the Op as I think there is an issue with allowing an 18 yo to dictate the house rules but I also get that teenage DDs have a lot of sensitivities - I have 2 teenage DDs.

My concern would be if you accept the 18 yo's contention that her Dad's nakedness is "wrong" then it will be difficult for her to defend her right to dress as she pleases, go out when she pleases, breastfeed in public or indeed in front of her Dad etc etc etc. I think sometimes it is not always correct to respect sensitivities without challenging them.

Feilin · 22/05/2016 11:06

You both need to stop. My mother and father did this and even now my mother continues to and will also try and walk in on any of us in bath etc . It's just downright weird . We 3 now adult children are extremely uncomfortable with nudity as a result.

angielou123 · 22/05/2016 11:06

If she's asked him to cover up then he should just out of respect to his daughter surely? I remember taking the phone to my dad one day while he was in the shower, I must of been about 10 or so, and saw his bits full on. it wasn't hidden in out house, just not flaunted either.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 11:09

Rape is nothing like this, Future. But sexual grooming often starts with a gentle insidious over-stepping of boundaries that is gradually stepped up because the victim doesn't feel s/he has any right grounds for complaining and does not feel strong enough to say no solely on the grounds that s/he is uncomfortable. That is what happened to the friend I mentioned, and that is what will have happened to the thousands of young girls and boys who were abused by teachers and clergymen over the last decades. Very few of them will have been raped outright, but all of them are left damaged, simply because they felt they had to agree to an intimacy they didn't want because "feeling uncomfortable" was not a valid reason.

Arfarfanarf · 22/05/2016 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 11:11

howabout, why would OP want to contest her daughter's right to breastfeed as she pleases or to breastfeed in public? As for going out when she pleases, that comes under a different category - mostly I would say an 18 year old is entitled to do precisely that, but her parents are entitled to ask her to let them know when she will be back, because otherwise they will worry, and not to disturb them when she does come back. That is in no way comparable to the issue of her feeling uncomfortable with her dad's bits wobbling around.

AHellOfABird · 22/05/2016 11:13

Yes, he should stop.

wolfwhistleme · 22/05/2016 11:13

Ok, not read every single post but really its common sense, I'm surprised you even had to ask. If your daughter has expressed that she finds it a bit a bit much seeing her dad running around starkers then that's that. He needs to be made aware that its not acceptable. Its nothing to pop a towel around his waist for a sec..surely? Ps..OP where have you gone?

TealLove · 22/05/2016 11:14

You should respect your daughters wishes.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 11:14

"Saying no to something done to you is entirely different to demanding someone change their clothing or no clothing because you don't like it. "

But imposing your nakedness on someone who doesn't want it is 'doing something to someone'. Do you think flashing should be legalised?

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 11:14

OP said she wasn't going to have access to the internet today.

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 11:16

"My concern would be if you accept the 18 yo's contention that her Dad's nakedness is "wrong" then it will be difficult for her to defend her right to dress as she pleases, go out when she pleases, breastfeed in public or indeed in front of her Dad etc etc etc. I think sometimes it is not always correct to respect sensitivities without challenging them."

I think most of us who have teenagers manage this quite easily, actually.

It's about recognising the fact that as experienced adults we have far more power and control than adolescents and that if we are good parents we use that power to help them feel safe and confident, not to engage in some kind of cheap scoring-off competition with them. I want my teens to consider dh's feelings just as he considers theirs. Certainly. But it is not an equal relationship, and I would be seriously unimpressed if he failed to recognise that.

almondpudding · 22/05/2016 11:23

'My concern would be if you accept the 18 yo's contention that her Dad's nakedness is "wrong" then it will be difficult for her to defend her right to dress as she pleases, go out when she pleases, breastfeed in public or indeed in front of her Dad etc etc etc. I think sometimes it is not always correct to respect sensitivities without challenging them.'

Bingo. Somebody has compared breasts feeding an infant to genitalia.

RockMeMomma · 22/05/2016 11:26

OP be honest! Is the naked parents wandering around, just your way to get your adult children to move out so you can get your house back? WinkGrin
I've seen "naked tuesdays" suggested on mn, as a way of getting unwelcome houseguests to leave, when over staying their welcome.

pigsDOfly · 22/05/2016 11:26

This man is exposing himself to a young woman, it makes her uncomfortable and she's asked him to stop. He refuses to stop and just carries on regardless.

In what other circumstances would any reasonable person think that was acceptable behaviour on his part.

almondpudding · 22/05/2016 11:27

I suspect there must be increasing numbers of these scenarios as it becomes more and more difficult for teens to afford housing.

It isn't the father's house. Are they all living under a literal patriarchy - rule of the father?

Everyone in the house should be trying to find ways of living comfortably together. That means not making other people uncomfortable if there are easy ways of avoiding doing so.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 11:27

Bastards no it isn't. If you are doing something TO SOMEONE and they ask you to stop, regardless of the reason, you stop. You are violating their autonomy.

If you are simply going about your business and someone doesn't like it, that is their problem. You are not doing it to them,

Huge difference.

Augusta I shouldn't have mentioned the time frame because on reflection it doesn't matter. And yes, that seems fair to me. I mean it's his house.

What I find funny is that if parents post about teens disobeying rules, lots of people will post saying "your house your rules" but because this is unconventional it apparently doesn't apply.

NN was he doing it with the intention of shocking people? Bit different to just walking past your window naked.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 11:32

Cory Again though that is "doing something" to someone. If this girls dad was running into her room in the buff unannounced then that is flashing, it's done with the intent to shock and isn't on.

But doing an innocent act, naked, is nothing sexual or to get worked up about.

I'm glad we agree it's nothing like rape, I think that really crossed the line actually (rare for me to say that).

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 11:32

If you are simply going about your business and someone doesn't like it, that is their problem. You are not doing it to them

On that logic, someone wandering around naked in public and wanking is doing nothing wrong. If you are regularly exposing your genitals to someone who doesn't want to see them, you are doing it to them.

And if the fact that it's his house justifies him wandering around naked for hours on end even though it's making his daughter uncomfortable, again, where does that end? Is it OK for him to stop washing and to pee wherever he wants to because it's his house? If you choose to have children, you accept obligations to them, and you accept that your wishes don't inevitably trump theirs just because you provide a roof over their heads.

almondpudding · 22/05/2016 11:33

Future, you seem to think doing something to someone is only physical.

He is exposing himself to the people who live in the same house as him.

He is doing that to them specifically with intent to do so only to them.

We know that because he does not expose himself to guests, people who call at the door or go outside naked.

He isn't comfortable bring naked in general. He's not the naked rambler. He's comfortable being naked in front of his daughter and other family members. That is an intent about them.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 11:34

Bastards you are really getting on my nerves. You take everything I say out of context and think that your way of doing things is superior and have the nerve to speak to me in a condescending manner.

People do things differently. Grow up and realise not everyone agrees with you.

Context is everything here, as you well know.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 11:36

Future, think about this scenario. Your son is grown up, a girl comes to visit him, it's a bit hot, he decides he wants to take his clothes off because you've taught him there's nothing wrong with nakedness, and the girl objects. Should he just override her wishes because her discomfort is irrelevant and he has no sexual intention? Can you see why that might be a somewhat dangerous thing for him to do?

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 11:36

Augusta wanking is sexual. Being naked isn't.

Peeing everywhere harms others. It is unclean and it damages their property.

She can easily look away.

Almond he is just walking naked. If they happen to see him, they happen to see him. I don't think he is deliberately finding them and then walking naked? If so that is different.