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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 22/05/2016 10:36

OP would you be happy if your Father (if you have one) walked around with his bits dangling in his home?

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 10:37

Future, if she has said "she really doesn't like it", then she is more than mildly annoyed. Otherwise she could have said "I find this mildly annoying".

PortiaCastis · 22/05/2016 10:37
  • should read in front of you in his home, because it amounts to the same thing
AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 10:38

Future, again, you're extrapolating. OP hasn't said her DD is offended, she's said she's uncomfortable. Why should her husband's laziness - because that's all it is - mean that he's entitled to make his daughter feel uncomfortable? And I note that you are avoiding the issue that he seems to be doing more than a 30 second naked run to the bathroom, and that there is no valid reason why he can't wait till he gets there before taking his clothes off.

You also seem to accept that he shouldn't do this if he has guests staying overnight in the house because he would be on his "best behaviour". But surely, on your logic, he shouldn't do that? Wouldn't it be illogical of him to assume that guests might not like it?

Porcupinetree · 22/05/2016 10:40

I think it's putting unnecessary pressure on teens to accept that it is ok to be naked in front of them and therefore it is unreasonable behaviour.

OutToGetYou · 22/05/2016 10:40

Put the washing machine in the bathroom!

Sallystyle · 22/05/2016 10:44

It's simple isn't it?

I like being naked. My son is no longer ok with it.

How can I teach him that you need to respect other people's boundaries and not expose yourself to people who don't want to see your body if I do the same to him?

He has feelings, they are valid and it is home and he has every right not to see his mum naked.

So I now cover up. It doesn't hurt me and it makes him more comfortable. I always said that once my nudity becomes a problem for any of my children I will stop doing it. My love of walking around naked does not trump my son's right to not have to see a naked body walking around the house. It's as simple as that.

Hulababy · 22/05/2016 10:45

It's only ok if everyone in the house is comfortable about it. Once someone feels embarrassed or uncomfortable it should stop.

NeedACleverNN · 22/05/2016 10:45

I walk around naked but the minute my children say they don't like it, I'll stop.

There is an easy compromise here.

Let your Dd know that dad is going for a shower and don't go upstairs for 5 mins whilst he goes in the bathroom

Easy

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 10:46

"You also seem to accept that he shouldn't do this if he has guests staying overnight in the house because he would be on his "best behaviour". But surely, on your logic, he shouldn't do that? Wouldn't it be illogical of him to assume that guests might not like it?"

This. If he decides that his daughter's feelings are not relevant, why doesn't he do the same with his guests? This is not logic, but something else.

Natsku · 22/05/2016 10:46

I'm all for casual nudity but once it starts making someone uncomfortable then it needs to stop. Its more important to be kind and care about your child's feelings than to get your own way.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 10:47

I said that that may be HIS reason for not doing it in front of guests. Personally I don't think it should make a difference.

The time frame is irrelevant. As long as he gives a warning it doesn't matter.

FutureGadgetsLab · 22/05/2016 10:48

Oh for fuck sake. I am not saying not to respect women saying no.

Saying no to something done to you is entirely different to demanding someone change their clothing or no clothing because you don't like it.

I've been raped, inlaws. Don't conflate such issues. They are nothing alike.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CodyKing · 22/05/2016 10:52

So

If DD isn't happy she can move out

Or

Dad could wear shorts

How is one logical and other isn't ?

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 10:52

The time frame isn't relevant, Future? Why did you say "it's only a 30 second run", then?

If the timeframe isn't relevant, logically that means that if he decides he wants to wander around for a couple of hours his daughter has to hide herself away till he feels like putting some clothes on. Really?

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 22/05/2016 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedACleverNN · 22/05/2016 10:53

I don't want to gang up on you gadget but I do want to say this

My next door neighbour at my old address used to walk around his house naked. At school times he would stand in the window. (Busy school route). Parents obviously complained and the man was arrested and cautioned.

His excuse? "It's my house. If I want to walk around naked and stand in the window I can. If they don't want to see it, don't look"

Is that acceptable? No not really.

TheFairyCaravan · 22/05/2016 10:53

I've got 19&21 sons. I wouldn't walk round naked in front of them. If it was something we did do in our family and they said it was making them uncomfortable, I'd cover up straight away. I don't understand why you wouldn't. It's about respect for each other.

kitkat1968 · 22/05/2016 10:53

When your DC start showing signs of wanting privacy eg locking the door at bathtime going to the bedroom to get changed, that is the signal to you and your DH that you need to cover up in front of them.
I quite frankly find yours and your DH's attitude to boundaries a bit odd!

Onlyicanclean10 · 22/05/2016 10:57

Very very odd. And sorry op its creepy

BlueMoonRising · 22/05/2016 10:58

CleverNN, you reminded me of this:

www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/islands/shetland/7558/undefined-headline-366/

On the sex offenders register for something very similar.

youknowwhattodo · 22/05/2016 10:59

I think its weird

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 10:59

"Both parties involved have feelings and deserve respect - one persons feelings should not trump another's."

I disagree really. It's a bit like smoking. A person's wish not to passive smoke trumps a person's wish to smoke as it's the smoker who is being anti-social. The norm is to be clothed in public so it's the father who should change his behaviour.