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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling a week before wedding

140 replies

GabsAlot · 21/05/2016 10:56

I am fuming for my sister-her wedding is a week today and a guest has cancelled due to a football match

They said cant be helped we're in the play offs-They RSVP'd months ago and have no cancelled a week before the wedding

They were all day guests him and his son

I think its completely out of order and he doesnt even seem bothered

More of a rant really but im not being unreasonable am i?

OP posts:
tableanadchairs · 21/05/2016 14:15

Just read the thread and think his behaviour is awful
So l hope his team, whoever they are get well and truly stuffed and he is totally miserable
I hope your sister has a wonderful wedding.
Just remember that friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

KittyOShea · 21/05/2016 14:21

OP I agree that your cousin is being totally inconsiderate. Why does football outweigh prior commitments?

Essentially a bunch of people they don't know and will never know are in a competition (one which they can record on the tv and watch later) and this takes priority over a commitment with someone they've known their whole life.

Utterly rude and selfish.

I hope you and your sister have a lovely day Flowers

ethelb · 21/05/2016 14:27

It is rude. A friend of mine is having a big birthday celebration at a restaurant with a pre decided set menu, so much like a wedding. We were asked for dietary reqs a couple of months ago.
A mutual friend has decided to announce a couple of days before the event that she is going to be vegan. For two weeks. With that weekend in the middle.

Now that's rude.

specialsubject · 21/05/2016 14:43

to play, maybe, but to spectate - that's incredibly rude. He can record it and watch it later, if he turns his phone off (gosh...) he won't have the result spoilt.

sad sad sad. Spectator sport is only as valid as watching telly.

better off without him, sounds a bore anyway.

SouperSal · 21/05/2016 15:00

My sibling backed out of my 30th birthday party/meal to attend an acquaintance's wedding (that she was invited to after accepting my invitation). She said a wedding was a "one off" thing she couldn't turn down (because obviously I'd be turning 30 multiple times Hmm)

Janecc · 21/05/2016 15:13

DH is a massive massive football fan. He wouldn't cancel. I just asked him.

TheNaze73 · 21/05/2016 15:14

I wouldn't cancel, even if the mighty Leyton Orient, made it to the cup final Wink

Gabilan · 21/05/2016 15:17

Spectator sport is only as valid as watching telly

I was fortunate to be given a ticket to watch the dressage at London 2012. It really was not the same as watching it on TV, not by a very long way. I get that not everyone is a sports fan and that not everyone thinks it is important. However, to many people it is important - very important.

Yes, the cousin is being inconsiderate. However, I'm surprised by the number of people on this thread who think that because something is not meaningful to them, it shouldn't be meaningful to anyone else either.

TendonQueen · 21/05/2016 15:21

It's not about whether it is meaningful to everyone. It's that if you have accepted an invitation, it's very rude to just chuck it for what you perceive as a better option, whatever that option is. You've made a commitment. You should keep your word.

icetip · 21/05/2016 16:01

Hmm. A load of people running around in stupid outfits, that will be videoed and can be watched later...
Nope, think I'd be off to the footie too...

thatorchidmoment · 21/05/2016 16:25

This is incredibly rude.

A football game can be watched on TV after the event.

Etiquette is that you do not cancel a prior engagement just because you had a 'better offer'.

I'd be upset OP. To think that a sporting event was a higher priority than witnessing my marriage would definitely dent a friendship.

sleeponeday · 21/05/2016 16:38

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I hope your sis has an amazing day. Flowers

Sallystyle · 21/05/2016 16:42

If I was the bride in this situation I would tell a guest who is a football fan to go to Wembley and have a brilliant time. Even if it was a sibling actually.

I wouldn't want someone there who I know will be wishing they were elsewhere and only attended out of a sense of duty. I would also tell my sibling not to be stupid and go to bloody Wembley if football was important to them.

A football game can be watched on TV after the event.

Hmm said no huge football fan ever.

Sallystyle · 21/05/2016 16:54

It's not about whether it is meaningful to everyone. It's that if you have accepted an invitation, it's very rude to just chuck it for what you perceive as a better option, whatever that option is. You've made a commitment. You should keep your word.

I like to keep my commitments, but fuck if I'm going to take that chance away from my children which would be massive for them just because I had a prior commitment.

Yes, the bride and groom might be disappointed, but that's nothing compared to how my children would feel if I told them they can't go because they have to attend their mother's cousin's wedding. I think that would be pretty cruel actually.

It's not often, if ever, they would get to go to such a match and I would like to think that anyone who cared about them would understand and give their blessing to skip the wedding. I can't imagine anyone I know who would put the guilt trip on because I decided to do something extremely important for my children instead. My family would be excited for them and hold no ill feelings at all.

Janecc · 21/05/2016 17:31

U2 a prior engagement is a prior engagement. That's what I'm teaching my child. This isn't a kids birthday party. It's a cousins wedding.

MrsHarveySpecter · 21/05/2016 17:41

Grin icetip

GabsAlot · 21/05/2016 17:49

sorry to start it up again but i think youre wrong u2 its not cruel to teach your children u back out of commitments because something better comes along

what if they take that as gospel for the rest of their lives

sorry for your loss too janey and yes fingers crossed for the weather!

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 21/05/2016 17:50

U2 You clearly don't like to keep your commitments at all. It doesn't count to only stick with something because nothing better has come along.

MauledbytheTigers · 21/05/2016 18:20

It really doesn't help matters for people to keep referring to it as 'just a football match' that can be watched on TV, certainly not to the OP or her sister as from that point of view it does appear like the guests don't give a crap.

But, I don't think it's as simple as that. I am sure they do give a crap, it's just extremely unfortunate timing. I don't know who they support but a quick Google shows this is the 1st time Sheffield Wed have been to Wembley since 1993 I.e. for the 11 year old it hasn't happened in their lifetime before, and if it's another 23 years then they could well have kids of their own by the time they get this opportunity again.

Of course if it was just a football game it would be extremely rude, and in fact it is rude still. There's no way of getting away from that....it is rude and I do think they should pay your sister for any costs.

But please believe me when I say this is unlikely to be about not giving a crap about you or your sister, it's just what an incredible opportunity this is. This may be the only time in their entire childhood the 11 year old gets this chance, it's a dream come true for a Sheffield Wed fan (and hull too but they've been to Wembley much more recently) and is probably something they'll remember for the rest of their lives. I'm sure in other circumstances they wouldn't be so rude.

Now people may not and don't have to be football fans, but if you had the opportunity to do something that you hadn't been able to since 1993 that meant a great deal to you, something you could share with your child, and don't know if you'd get this opportunity again, then in my opinion that puts a different slant on things.

Like I said earlier, I don't blame you or your sister for being upset and I agree it's incredibly rude, but in the context I've described I hope your sister can at least understand a little bit why they've done what they've done. I hope your sister has a great day xxx

MauledbytheTigers · 21/05/2016 18:31

And 'something better' would be an invite to a party etc, not something that comes round every 23 years.....

If you view it like that it will always be hurtful to OPs sister. But it's not fair to view it in that context.

If people can't be bothered to understand the context then it's really not helpful to the OP. Saying they can watch it on TV later is ridiculous ... how on Earth is that the same as going to Wembley and singing along with 38000 fans supporting your team, a team you didn't think would get to Wembley in your wildest dreams.

I'm not even a big football fan. I would be going to the Wedding but just because people don't think it's important, doesn't mean it's not to others.

wevecomeonholidaybymistake · 21/05/2016 18:39

I can see why you're annoyed but Come on City!!!

Titsywoo · 21/05/2016 18:41

I had a whole table of people who just didn't show up at my wedding. By some weird coincidence it was the same table of 8 so very embarrassing and obvious. Never spoke to any of them again! None of them had an excuse or sent a text/calledYes I would be pissed off by the football match thing but what can you do? At least there is time to rearrange at your sisters end.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 21/05/2016 19:05

The thing is, it wasn't clear until the other day that these teams would be in the play-offs. It's a massive deal but they couldn't really give you notice until they knew themselves. It's not like a normal league game.

Sallystyle · 21/05/2016 19:26

U2 You clearly don't like to keep your commitments at all. It doesn't count to only stick with something because nothing better has come along

Not something better. A once in a lifetime event that is a dream of theirs.

Something better would be cancelling because I have decided to go to the pub with a friend instead.

If you would give up a one in a lifetime event that you have dreamed of for a wedding then I would think you were pretty crazy. Lovely, but crazy.

Sallystyle · 21/05/2016 19:31

sorry to start it up again but i think you're wrong u2 its not cruel to teach your children u back out of commitments because something better comes along

I think it would be pretty cruel to tell my children that they can't go to the event they have dreamed of for so long because they need to learn to stick to their commitments. It wasn't the child's commitment was it?

Sorry kids... I have made a commitment, you can't go to your one in a life time event as I have to keep my commitment, the one that you didn't make and you have to suck it up.

The fact that I made a commitment is more important than your dreams and one in a life time time event kiddo.