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Original poster

To keep DS off on Sports Day?

131 replies

NickNacks · 19/05/2016 20:59

I'm really upset so please be gentle if I am being unreasonable.

I had a call from Ds1 school today to say he'd had a break down (her words) in PE today. He was in such a state that the pastoral leader was called to calm him and she took him off to her office for a couple of hours.

The crux of it is, he's being bullied and today a comment about him probably not being strong enough to throw shot put as he was stepping up to take his go just made him snap and weeks of incidences and problems that he'd been bottling up just came flooding out.

He's been chosen by his house sports captain to run a race that he will almost definitely come last and he's so emotionally that I know it will make him cry on the sports field. Adding fuel to the fire if you will.

School are being very good. The pastoral leader has already spoken to the children involved (ironically these are his friends!) and referred Ds1 to a one to one therapy course in school aimed to boost his self esteem and support his emotional wellbeing. We are also working on this at home.

So would you (and should I....) keep him off school for sports day? I know it isn't right to avoid things we find hard but I just can't put him through it. Sad

Forgot to say he is 12, yr 7 but we are in a three tier system here so not at secondary (for some reason this always comes up when I talk about my children's schooling and I get moaned at for not mentioning it).

OP posts:
Piemernator · 20/05/2016 09:00

Is he at a public school? They often have a huge emphasis on sport because they are pushing DC hard to succeed and think it toughens them up or some such stuff. Not saying I agree with that philosophy but it's there in a lot of them.

We were/are a very sporty family so not an issue for any of us but DS state school has none of this full on emphasis.

Original poster
NickNacks · 20/05/2016 09:06

No it's a state school. They even hire out the local athletics centre so it's all done with the proper equipment and setting, complete with tannoy Hmm

OP posts:
derxa · 20/05/2016 09:11

it might worsen the bullying problems as the children will be very aware that he isn't really ill This is a real possibility. You need to work with the school to sort out the bullying. He can do something to help on sports day and shouldn't compete.

pilates · 20/05/2016 09:19

Yes I would keep him off (if that's what he wants).

Good luck to you and your son.

coco1810 · 20/05/2016 09:37

Keep him off, have a duvet and dvd day. Big hugs to your DC x

namechangeparents · 20/05/2016 09:41

This is a hard one, because although it is "just for one day" he will have to face the other kids the day after it who will bring it up with him and question him

No they won't, they'll assume he was unwell and that's all he needs to say. They really won't be that interested!

MidniteScribbler · 20/05/2016 10:15

But Spider, that's not fair to the dc who are good at sport. For many, it may be their one chance in the year to shine! Not fair to take that away from them.

They can "shine" participating in their sports outside of school. Some children excel at music, some at dance, some at running fast, some at swimming. There is no need for those events to be highlighted at school during valuable teaching time. They can shine every evening/weekend at their own sports outside of school. I came last in every school sporting event, but was competing at a national level in my own sport outside of school. I never expected the school to try and teach everyone else my activity to make me feel better about myself.

MerilwenRose · 20/05/2016 10:22

I'd keep him off, but would make it clear that it was just for one year only, and he'd have to do it next year. Spots days at secondary schools are generally a bit better, there are usually some team events and things that the less athletic students are happy to do.

justmyview · 20/05/2016 10:31

What does school recommend?

I suggest he goes to Sports Day and helps teacher eg holding tapes, getting trophies ready. That sounds like a good compromise. We can't always duck out of things we don't want to do, but we should try to make it easier

Andrewofgg · 20/05/2016 10:48

Sorry CocktailQueen but if the only way the sporty child can shine is to have other kids being humiliated then Sporty Kid can't shine. Obviously SK has been brought up with bad attitudes to non-SK but that's not non-SK's fault or problem.

Sports Day should be for those who genuinely want to take part without pressure.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 20/05/2016 11:01

Sporty kids can shine by playing and competing in team sports as normal, esp at secondary school. There's plenty of opportunity for that, more than enough.

Not so much opportunity for the karate black belt or the star swimmer or the expert climber. Lots of those kids might be cheap at running and throwing. Let them opt out if it's not their bag!

I hate sports day. It's so divisive in such a public way.

bruffin · 20/05/2016 11:05

I used to come last, i never found it humiliating. As i said above my dd came last with a big grin on her face. Why do people care so much.

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 20/05/2016 11:20

Keep him off. His mental wellbeing is far more important. Take him out to a leisure centre, or go for a lovely long walk or bike ride.

Well done for being such a supportive mum Flowers

HowBadIsThisPlease · 20/05/2016 11:25

when is the sports day? (i.e. do you have to decide now?)

I would definitely not put him through something that is going to be horrific, but if there is time to work on stuff that would make it tolerable for him, that would be better.

when I was at school the "heats" for sports day were held in normal lessons so on the day, the only ones who were running and jumping and throwing in public were obviously good at it. Much kinder.

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/05/2016 11:36

As the school is being really supportive, ask them. They could find him a responsible job (marshalling the track, running with messages, setting out , collecting equipment etc) so that he is involved with sports day without having to compete.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 20/05/2016 11:39

I'm glad my secondary school took it a bit too seriously so all the sporty kids did the races, and the distinctly unsporty (like me) were in charge of setting out the equipment, tidying up and putting out chairs for spectators etc.
I'd give him the day off personally. Why make him suffer unnecessarily?

Dieu · 20/05/2016 11:50

Keep him off for the week. Sports day will be old news by the time he goes back.

Seriously?! What would this teach him about the real world?

molyholy · 20/05/2016 11:56

Yes, but bruffin, it's not the act of coming last, it is the humiliation of other kids laughing at you for it. It's great that your dc has that wonderful attitude, but not all children are so confident. If they are not confident at sports in the first place, the last thing they want is this highlighted by their peers as a stick to prod them with, Can you just accept that not all kids are the same as you or your dc.

AYD2MITalkTalk · 20/05/2016 12:07

I'm so sad that I never got to shine at school by being able to show off how much better I was than all the other kids at spelling. It would have really helped my confidence if we'd had a public spelling bee, where all the kids and parents could laugh at the ones who were terrible spellers.

stealthsquiggle · 20/05/2016 12:28

Bruffin - because they do care, however nice/healthy/useful it might be for everyone to have the approach that you/your DC have. I bloody hate sports day because I know it will involve a depressed/tearful child, no matter how often I tell him it doesn't matter, I don't care, no one that matters cares, etc, etc.

A bright spot in a year when he has been injured all year so unable to play the team sports which he loves is that he will also be unable to participate in athletics which he hates.

The other saving grace is that for us, sports day is literally the end of the year - speech day, lunch, sports day and bugger off for the summer - so any humiliation is well and truly forgotten before September.

TheNewStatesman · 20/05/2016 13:00

"Sports day is what you make it.
My dd came last in running races with a big grin on her face and said " some has to be last"
Sports day is only a nightmare if you make it so."

Nice bit of victim-blaming there.

"Seriously?! What would this teach him about the real world?"

In "the real world," pretty much nobody actually gives a shit about whether you are good at sport or not.

Very few people do sport "seriously" after they have left university, because being serious about sport is not really very compatible with the working lives of most people, and because the number of people who are able to play at a professional level is vanishingly small.

Dieu · 20/05/2016 13:03

It's not just about sport though, is it? In the "real world" we cannot take a whole week off, simply to avoid one day that we don't like.

thisishardwork · 20/05/2016 13:16

But it's not just avoiding something a child doesn't like. It's avoiding feeling they are being publicly humiliated while trying to do something they know they aren't good at.

My child doesn't like many parts of school, but 100s of parents don't observe those so the child gets on with them.

Dieu · 20/05/2016 13:17

I get it, I do. I simply thought that the suggestion to take a whole week off school was a tad extreme.

Original poster
NickNacks · 20/05/2016 13:26

Sorry where have I said I'm giving him the whole week off?

OP posts: