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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another wedding one (no kids)

152 replies

upontheroof66 · 18/05/2016 20:56

Niece is getting married in September. They live about 200 miles away so we will have to stay over at least one night. We have 3dds and they are not invited.
Now I know it's up to them who they invite but aibu to be abit disappointed.
Arranging childcare will be a nightmare as my do has no family who can help.

OP posts:
Wharm14 · 19/05/2016 12:19

Got the same issue next year going. We have an 11 week old DS. My DH's nephew is getting married next May, DS will be just over one year old. Nephew called my DH to say invites were being sent soon and they would love my DH (not sure if I was included in that or not?!) to be at the wedding but they weren't inviting children to the day, only the evening do. The wedding is a five hour drive from us, where all DH's family live. My DS has only met MIL and she will be at the wedding, my family don't live there so no other baby sitting options. As DS is so little, he will need to be in bed before evening do starts, which effectively means I can't go. DH doesn't want to go without me. Not sure whether I'm bothered or not but I know once DH's family find out we aren't going, it's going to cause issues but not sure how they think we can go when DS isn't invited. If my DS could go during the day, I would of course be more than happy to take him out of the service immediately if he starts crying or is upset etc, or even not go in at all so as not to disturb the ceremony, but that would at least mean my DH could go and I would be there for the family time prior to and after the ceremony. Not sure how to brooch this with the bride and groom though.

Only1scoop · 19/05/2016 12:21

It IS clear

Just cringe at anchoring after an invite .

PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2016 12:23

It IS clear
Just cringe at anchoring after an invite

So all those people who have had wedding invites without their children named and later found out that they were invited are lying? Hmm

Only1scoop · 19/05/2016 12:28

'Where are the kids'?

Probably just relieved they didn't turn up
Grin

Donna2tellaM0ss · 19/05/2016 12:28

I recently declined taking my invited children & DH to a family wedding... replied very clearly and in very good time, and with much thanking for the B&G's kindness/thoughtfulness that they would NOT be there and went alone. When I got to the wedding everyone had clearly ignored my RSVP and had catered for both DH and kids. Hmm
que aunts in a huff; insulted because they weren't there etc etc. I really really HATE weddings, and especially for the many opportunities it represents for people to be hurt, insulted inconvenienced bankcrupted blarghblargh...

OP sorry to hijack-rant... if I were you (and your DP agreed /doesn't mind) I'd just go alone... sounds like you might have a good time i wouldnt

Serenity05 · 19/05/2016 12:46

Definitely double check. When DH and I got married we only addressed the invitations to parents thinking people would assume their kids were included. We were honestly shocked when people asked us if their children were allowed to come. In hindsight it was totally naive but neither of us had ever been to a no-kids wedding at that point.

Funnily enough we now have two to go to this year! One is friends and local so getting my DM to babysit for the day isn't a problem. The other one is my cousin, at the other end of the country, and is the weekend before I go back to work after mat leave so there is no way I'm leaving DS! I really want to be able to go because there will be family there coming from abroad who I've not seen for years but I just don't know how we can do it. I feel your pain, OP.

tiggytape · 19/05/2016 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargaretCavendish · 19/05/2016 13:16

Wharm agreed that you can't possibly broach it - it's been broached! If it's where your in-laws live could you maybe ask them about looking into babysitter options? I realise you won't want to book some random person in a place you don't know, but if they live there then they might be able to get recommendations off friends for trusted people.

Wharm14 · 19/05/2016 13:29

Fair enough, I probably didn't mean I was going to mention it, as people have said, they've already made their views clear, I only meant if we get asked why we aren't coming, then I might have to explain why not. A year is also a long time away, DS is EBF at the minute so I couldn't imagine leaving him for any length of time, this time next year we might be grateful of some child free time and he will be eating by then so I might be able to leave him with my parents overnight. Smile

Headofthehive55 · 19/05/2016 13:42

IT is a difficult call. We were invited to one at Christmas, family wedding, but without the children. A long way too. Not really into discos or drinking so I think going in my own would be a dull affair. We didn't bother and chose something more fun to do as a family instead.

RaspberryOverload · 19/05/2016 13:44

Only1scoop Thu 19-May-16 12:14:30
If their names aren't on the invite
They aren't invited.

I disagree that it's clear.

Where I come from it's extremely common for the invite to only have the names of the adults in a family, with the assumption being that children are included.

EponasWildDaughter · 19/05/2016 13:55

STICKS HAND UP

I forgot to include the names of kids on all my invites. Kids were invited and included in numbers.

I was taking the names off a basic list of couples IYSWIM and concentrating ultra hard on my hand writing and spelling said names correctly because the invites cost a bomb and i only had 2 spares for mistakes and totally forgot to add the DCs names GrinBlush

pearlylum · 19/05/2016 14:00

Is this the OPs niece? In which case I would go alone. If it is her OHs neice then I'd get him to go on his own.

KERALA1 · 19/05/2016 14:27

Just go on your own

clockbuscanada · 19/05/2016 14:47

Just ask. A friend of mine was miffed at me for ages because we'd put 'her name and guest' on the envelope and she'd thrown out the envelope without looking at it properly, so assumed she didn't have a plus one. I only found out she was annoyed 5 years later, wish she'd asked at the time.

feralcat19 · 19/05/2016 18:26

If you've checked to clarify, and it's clear the answer is still no, just suck it up and decline, or go to it alone. A friend whose daughter is getting married has decided no children except for the flower girls. If she included ALL children, that would have meant another 20 and at £50 per head per child for the Reception, simply felt they had to draw a line somewhere.

leelu66 · 19/05/2016 18:30

If your 3 DD are the only kids in the family, they may well be welcome!

You must ask!

ThatsMyStapler · 19/05/2016 18:48

As far as we know OP hasnt checked yet - i'm sure she'd be ok if it is no DCs, she doesnt know though

kateandme · 19/05/2016 19:00

i remember also being the children 'not' invited anwe felt awful.left out and had to bugger off for half the day and it was bizarre and made coming back for the evening do very awkward

MadamDeathstare · 19/05/2016 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 19/05/2016 19:33

A child free wedding is not unreasonable - so long as it's the same rule for everyone.
We were invited to a wedding (friend of DH) and sent a text to clarify if DD was invited or not. We were told no children. Arranged childcare, went to the wedding. Lots of young children there!
If DD isn't named on an invite, and I haven't been specifically told beforehand that it is a childfree wedding, I text to check. I don't see any harm in that.

maddy68 · 19/05/2016 19:44

Deins toy do not ask if the kids are invited. That is beyond rude. I would phrase it as " would it be ok if I came by Sekt as there is no one else to look after the children ". See what they say

maddy68 · 19/05/2016 19:45

Definitely !!!!

TerrifiedMothertobe · 19/05/2016 20:36

It's a toughie. We had a child free wedding too. It didn't effect too many people but we decided we wanted those who were there to really let their hair down. Also the cost of 20+ children we never saw and didn't know we we were meant we couldn't invite friends we wanted to.

Weddings are always political. But if it doesn't work, the. Just dont go.

icy121 · 19/05/2016 21:22

Is there a hotel close to venue with kids club/babysitting service? Or the short term nanny service that PP mentioned.