AIBU To Worry About Centaurs?

[TiggyD]

If they've got the bodies of horses, presumably they'll need to eat like horses? But will the human end enjoy eating tons of hay and oats and apples and polos? And the quantity of food through a little human mouth will be an issue. And the there's the poo. If they eat horse food, fine. Horse poo is dry and comes out the bum in dry lump, but if the centaur eats human food, sausage-egg-n-chips etc, the poo will be more human won't it? Bit more splatty and sticky? How will they wipe their bums? Their horse parts are long and their arms won't reach. (In the photos I've seen).
And then there's genitals. They'll need to cover them up, especially the males who'll have enormous winkles. But how do you put trousers on their horse areas? Would they cover the rear end and rear legs? Or would they come up from the ground on the front AND rear legs. And do you go under the tail or over and leave a tail hole? And how will the get them on? It's the little arms again.
I believe they have as much right to exist as the next mythical being, but are we prepared for them in this country?

[LadySybilRankin]

Arf! At centaurpede - GENIUS

[VikingLady]

Mermaids are dolphin on the bottom half, obviously. Mammals. And they'd mate and birth like dolphins do, with penis and piv sex, live birth, breastfeeding etc. All completely logical. Probably smaller breasts and very little waist so they are more streamlined for swimming purposes porpoises

[TalcAndTurnips]

AND Tiggy m''love - if they are insects, they might also have spiracles in their abdomens.

I have always considered that insects with spiracles have a particularly raw deal. They form the respiratory system for the poor little blighters. Imagine having a rather lively vindaloo - and then realising that your nose is situated right next to your arse.

If my riding lessons as a child were anything to go by, horses are amongst the most flatulent members of the animal kingdom - second only to grazing cattle and professional darts players.

All in all, I think this all adds up to a fairly miserable mythical existence. Being hung like an equine John Holmes can never make up for having to smell your own farts night and day in a self-imposed Dutch Oven.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Nothing that big can work with spiracles. The only reason I remember that is lovely biology teacher explaining why we couldn't have giant scary insects!

[TheTurtleMoves]

Then there's minotaurs as well to worry about. Basically the same concept as a cenotaur but reversed and with a bull instead of a horse. So ok, the clothing/waving genitals problem is more easily resolved as that's the human end, but a teeny tiny bull brain to govern that body? And only being able to eat what cows do, so that's basically just grass in various forms? Doesn't sound like a good combination to me, which is probably why they are always so pissed off and smash things all the time.

Very little impulse control, your average bull.

[fourquenelles]

You realise don't you that we are ALL half centaur.

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

Giving birth wouldn't be much fun either as a centaur - there's quite a right angle between the human and horse bit to negotiate.

[KittyKrap]

I watched a documentary on North Korea the other night. They have unicorns there, it's true, they said so.

Off to RTFT.

[TalcAndTurnips]

Ooh yes Kitty - and Kim Jong Un does not need to use the loo either, such is his perfection.

What a convenient place to shoehorn in a I have not missed an opportunity to do so on MN since 1876.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Fourquenelles :o!

[traviata]

TheWizardofOs it appears that lady centaurs do breastfeed;

centaurides [[http://www.theoi.com/Georgikos/Kentaurides.html]]

Before this thread I had never contemplated the question of a female centaur. All the centaurs I could think of were male. Now my eyes have been opened.

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I just have to point out that 6 legs does not an insect or centaurpede make, there are other things to consider, like seperate throrax etc.

Fwiw I don't think centuars mind showing off their giant willies.

Maybe centuars are all vegans? So they don't necessarily have to eat grass and oats but no dairy/eggs/meat to worry about?

[VikingLady]

Minotaurs definitely exist. You can see them outside pubs on St George's day.

[HoneyDragon]

You realise don't you that we are ALL half centaur

I'm not. Female centaurs are a fallacy.

[traviata]

HoneyDragon I beg to differ.

Centaurides same link again.

[ephemeralfairy]

There are various murky articles claiming that Dolores Umbrage in Harry Potter was gang raped by centaurs....

[DiseasesOfTheSheep]

Centaurs would certainly create a lot of work for the taxonomists out there. Six legs, but I think they're definitely vertebrates so we can't just lump them in with the insects (thank fuck because that's a creepy-ass thought).

Think of the employment opportunities - it's not just the taxonomists who'd benefit. There's a whole world out there for the entrepreneurially minded. Soft, padded hoof boots so they don't clatter on the laminate and keep the downstairs neighbour awake? Giant, horse sized contraception? And more mundanely, traditional tailors will do trade too - imagine trying to buy a smart suit off the peg for that body?!

And then there's all the medals we'd pick up in Rio... Faster across the track, higher jumping, kicking the crap out of the opposition in the team sports and no risks of a rider fall out in the Equestrian events...

Centaurs. Can we afford NOT to take them?

[AGnu]

I'd assumed centaurs were all male & generally didn't die, ergo no need for reproduction. Don't they possess magical powers, or at the very least, a comprehensive knowledge of all herbal remedies so can heal themselves of pretty much anything, barring decapitation? Tis why they hide out in forests - if people don't know about them then they can't go decapitate them & the centaur race will live on. They need protection, until we can find a way to clone them.

[SlinkyVagabond]

There was only one Minotaur, not a race of them. Probably that was what made him so cross.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I saved this from a previous centaur thread

[MistressMerryWeather]

Ugh, she was never raped by the Centaurs, that is the work of perverts.

However, I did hear she was kissed by a dementor and it died.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Umbrage that is.

[EBearhug]

I once had a long conversation about mermaid reproduction with a former boyfriend. At one point, parthenogenesis. Then we wondered if anyone else had considered this question - now I know the internet is littered with people wondering, but back then (over a decade ago,) I thought the Internet only existed for cats, porn and discussion of the Archers.

I hadn't realised that far too many people existed who had thought about mermaid porn, and decided to draw pictures about it and post them online. I lost some innocence that day.

[EBearhug]

At one point, parthenogenesis was mentioned.
See, I'm still traumatised to the point I can't finish sentences.