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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To Worry About Centaurs?

125 replies

TiggyD · 18/05/2016 19:09

If they've got the bodies of horses, presumably they'll need to eat like horses? But will the human end enjoy eating tons of hay and oats and apples and polos? And the quantity of food through a little human mouth will be an issue. And the there's the poo. If they eat horse food, fine. Horse poo is dry and comes out the bum in dry lump, but if the centaur eats human food, sausage-egg-n-chips etc, the poo will be more human won't it? Bit more splatty and sticky? How will they wipe their bums? Their horse parts are long and their arms won't reach. (In the photos I've seen).
And then there's genitals. They'll need to cover them up, especially the males who'll have enormous winkles. But how do you put trousers on their horse areas? Would they cover the rear end and rear legs? Or would they come up from the ground on the front AND rear legs. And do you go under the tail or over and leave a tail hole? And how will the get them on? It's the little arms again.
I believe they have as much right to exist as the next mythical being, but are we prepared for them in this country?

OP posts:
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MadSprocker · 21/05/2016 21:38

Namechange that has made me laugh so much.

MadSprocker · 21/05/2016 21:40

I give you a picture of a centaur and a mermaid in love

Offler · 21/05/2016 22:19

What is the toilet arrangement though? Can centaurs just crap in the street like horses? Or will we have dedicated centaur toilets/ extra large cubicles etc.?

SilvaCaledonia · 21/05/2016 22:24

YANBU.

With regard to the genitals, I think that sheath spray (for horses, a real thing) could come in handy for hygiene purposes.

But also, who would win in a fight between a centaur and a Minotaur? Ds and I debate this regularly. So many worries.

Krampus · 21/05/2016 22:32

I want to see Centaurs play in Polo matches.

Titsalinabumsquash · 21/05/2016 22:42

Can I jump in and ask about Mr Tomnas off of Narnia, was he a centaur or a fawn... Half man half goat type thing?...

Gide · 21/05/2016 22:42

Centaurs, noble creatures that they are, do not wear clothes, bar the sash that holds the bow and arrows, possibly a tasteful handmade leather belt. I suppose they might make an exception for the once popular horse onesies (but don't buy from that loony who pretended she never received orders/deleted negative comments from the Facebook page!)

I am convinced that centaurs are fruitarians and only scavenge fallen food on the forest floor and suchlike. From what I've seen, it's nuts and berries the whole way, which eliminates the whole messy arse business.

shinynewusername · 21/05/2016 22:47

Mr Tumnus was a delightful slightly camp faun. There are also centaurs in the Narnia books but C.S. Lewis was disappointingly reticent on how they crapped, shagged or gave birth.

thatorchidmoment · 21/05/2016 22:55

Silva, please invite me round! If your regular debates re: Centaur vs Minotaur are a representative sample of your conversations, your dinner party chat must be awesome.

thatorchidmoment · 21/05/2016 22:58

Of note:
Faun: Mr Tumnus and his ilk
Fawn: baby deer

HTH.

shinynewusername · 21/05/2016 23:02

Do fauns fawn over fawn fawns?

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 21/05/2016 23:04

I think most people make the common mistake of confusing centaurs with pantomime horses.
This is wrong.

shinynewusername · 21/05/2016 23:16

Oh no, it isn't.

thatorchidmoment · 21/05/2016 23:20

OH YES IT IS

bolleauxnouveau · 21/05/2016 23:21

He's behind you.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 21/05/2016 23:27

Cant wait to see what Matthew Wright makes of this thread.

Good luck with that!

Glittermud · 21/05/2016 23:34

I love you. I love you all.

CreepyPasta · 21/05/2016 23:38

My centaur is better than your mermaid 😜

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 22/05/2016 00:29

I guess if they're vegetarian then no horse eating. But how do they groom? They can't roll like a horse, and don't have the teeth for the bonding grooming along the spine horses have...

UsedtobeFeckless · 22/05/2016 01:07

They do have hands though so I suppose they could brush each other ...

It's Hippogriffs I worry about more ... I mean, eagles are carnivores and horses are herbivores so there's no dietary overlap at all - poor loves - how do they manage to catch their prey with no talons / graze with beaks? Sad

As for Centaur V Minotaur it depends if it's hand to hand or with weapons - Minotaurs are beefier but centaurs are better shots ... ( I'll get my anorak ... Grin )

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 22/05/2016 02:20

I hate to show but, but a lot if you are clearly overthinking this one.
If you love a centaur and he has what you need in a manhorse then enjoy it while it lasts. Just don't ask them to load the dishwasher. They have many talents, loading a dishwasher, not so much.

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 22/05/2016 02:21

Show? Say it! Auto correct fail

BlueUggs · 22/05/2016 08:49

I don't think I'd like to be a chiropractor for a centaur. That 90 degree angle has got to be a killer......

bolleauxnouveau · 22/05/2016 11:02

Soft porn for centaurs - 50 shades of neigh.

shinynewusername · 22/05/2016 11:43

Or 50 Shades of Hay

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