to be annoyed that people presume DP pays for everything because I'm a SAHM?

[partridgeappletree]

DP earns £45k and our rent is £350 p/m. He has no major debts and we run one car which we don't use much. He transfers me £350 per month for food for us plus DCs aged 9, almost 4 and 2. I receive £200 maintenance for 9 yo, child benefit, DLA, carers allowance and tax credits. Out of this I top up the food money, pay my bills, pay for DCs activities/clothes/shoes/birthday and Christmas presents and everything else to do with them. I also clothe myself and pay for the pets.

Last weekend we attended a wedding of DPs colleague and neither myself or the DC had anything to wear so I had to save to buy us all new outfits and shoes. Lots of people commented on how gorgeous they looked and how lucky we are to have DP working so hard to buy such lovely outfits.

I have saved to pay for us all to go away to Peppa Pig World for our middle daughters birthday for the weekend next month and know people will assume DP has paid but actually all he'll contribute is the petrol money. On birthdays and Christmases, his family comment on what lovely presents the DC have and how lucky they are and how they should thank daddy but he doesn't pay for them nor know what they are until they open them. He plays no part in organising or paying for parties and I'm fed up of being told how lucky I am to be a SAHM and have DP providing for us. I gave up a well paid career to be a SAHM and resent the fact that everyone presumes I'm living off DP when that actually isn't the case.

Aibu?

Eh??

The tax credits maybe because of the dla element. That's how we get them.

Can I ask why you have separate money? Surely things like Christmas and holidays come from family money not your allowance?

Why are people harping on about the 'unfair' monetary divide rather than the very blatant discrepancies in the op's post?

I don't entirely grasp your finances but from the basis of your OP your problem is with your DP. Fuck everyone else.

Massively confused!!! I wouldn't be mad at strangers but your tight arsed partner!!! Why on earth would you agree to £350 a month and why do you get tax credits? My husband earns double what I earn and he lets me know it but I still make him share

But you don't pay for anything personally, because you don't have a paid job

Why are you receiving so much in benefits and why is your dp transferring you 'pocket money' out of his wages every month? Why doesn't he just pay the bills?

Apologies lolly I didn't know it was possible to receive tax credits when making 50K of you receive dla.

I'd be pretty hacked off if he has £1500 disposable income each month - how much do you have ? That needs evening up,

Sounds like your maintenance for your eldest is making up quite a bit of this monthly 'income' you're using to fund holidays and clothes for everyone, seems disproportionate compared to the amount your current partner contributes for his two children and both of you towards food/activities etc.. Is that quite as it should be?

In general, your partner is an arse and why are you putting up with this?

Ha ha ha

Unless he's not 'officially' living there?

Are the children even his?

Stupid thread

But anyway.. if it were true the state are paying for your life, your ex and so on.

I am not criticising but it is a hard facts that it isn't your own money

Excellent thread

It's not your money though... It's the tax payers money. Smh.

Of course your DP doesn't pay for everything. Your ex and the tax payer contribute too. You do not have paid employment (you haven't mentioned savings or being self employed) so you do not make any financial contribution in your household. People's assumptions are not too far off from the truth.

We receive tax credits because of DLA. We do live together but I have no access to his accounts. He often acts as though he has very little money and he doesn't go out that much so I've no idea where his money goes.

I promise I'm not a troll. I don't have many friends so I don't know how others finances operate.

Going to answer the question asked to you a few times about tax credits?

Sounds like the DP not living at same address scenario to me

Your rent is cheap. Your partner's income is quite good. Why are you scrimping and saving? As a SAHM you should have access to all the family finances.

I'm not saying I'm a hero for paying for things because obviously it isn't technically my money. But I can't work as opposed to won't work so I'm giving all I have to give physically, emotionally and financially to the family as well as having given up my career only to be told how lucky I am and how grateful I should be to DP. It certainly grates on me after a while.

Our rent is subsidised by his employer.

Why are you topping up the food money? He should be paying for this, shouldn't he?