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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder got her friend to collect DS from school

65 replies

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:15

I'm a bit annoyed about this and feel I need to address it with the childminder but would value any perspectives/ opinions.

DS (6) is taken to and collected from school by a childminder. When I collected him on Friday and asked about his day, he told me that the childminder's friend, who also has a son in his class, collected him from school. I know this woman well enough to say hello to but she is not a friend of mine. I asked DS why the childminder had not collected him and he said that the other child she looks after (a 2 year old) was taking her nap and she did not want to wake her up. He also said that the childminder's husband was not at home at the time so she could not go out and leave the 2 year old sleeping. I appreciate that this is an awkward situation for the childminder but I am annoyed that she did not ask me beforehand if this was ok. She also didn't tell me about it and I had to hear it from my DS. At the end of the day, I am paying her to look after my son and I feel I should know where he is and who he is with at all times.

AIBU? Any suggestions on how to address it with her? I don't want to cause any unpleasantness as she is otherwise fine.

OP posts:

lilydaisyrose · 15/05/2016 20:19

I'd be furious (and I'm quite easy going!)

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/05/2016 20:20

The school shouldn't have let your child go with someone else without your permission.

Fettuccinecarbonara · 15/05/2016 20:21

How do you know she's otherwise fine?

If she thinks 'big' stuff like someone else collecting your DS is okay, and not even worthy of a mention, then what else does she think is okay behind closed doors?

I'd be very annoyed and want a proper explanation from her so I could consider informing ofsted.

Imagine if something had happened to your ds (or some other child). I imagine the other mum wasn't safeguarding trained, crb'd or insured.

Homemadearmy · 15/05/2016 20:23

Even if he's husband was home, unless he is also registered she couldn't have left the 2 year old with him. I'm surprised the school let her friend pick him up too.
I would definitely ask her and the school about it.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/05/2016 20:23

I would be more angry with the school in this scenario. Not to say I wouldn't be pissed off with the childminder, but the school would be having their arse handed to them over something like this... Massive failure on their part.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 15/05/2016 20:23

It wouldn't bother me. It's someone you know & known to him, it's the mum of a child in his class. He will be looked after by various different adults all day and going on school trips, with various parents looking after them. Presumably he will be going on play dates with school friends too. It's not like she sent the dustman to go & fetch him.

However, if you really want to do something about it, why not just tell her you weren't happy that she did that and you don't want her to do it again.

Though, bear in mind that wrap around childminders that pick up from your school & have vacancies aren't that easy to find (well, not around here anyway).

StealthPolarBear · 15/05/2016 20:23

Our cm has done this in the past, but has always contacted me first and worded it in such a way that I'd have felt comfortable saying no. Her friend, who is also a cm has picked up on occasion, and her husband. I'd be furious if she hadn't contacted me first (though I have since said for her dh she doesn't need to ask) and id be furious if she didn't see it as a big deal iyswim.

plantsitter · 15/05/2016 20:24

If the friend is a childminder I would think this OK, but she should have told you and she should now get you to pre-agree people you're happy to pick him up on e event of a non-emergency situation like this.

Ilovewillow · 15/05/2016 20:26

I would be querying it with the school as they shouldn't have let your child be picked up by someone you haven't consented to! I would also be cross with her too, she should at least have asked you first so you could have said yes or no!

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 15/05/2016 20:27

I'd be furious. She is being paid to look after your child and you need to be able to trust her 100%. Doing something like this without asking or telling you completely breeches that trust, I'd be fuming at the school too for letting your son go with someone else. In the infants, ours are only allowed to go with the usual parent who collects them or the person you have told them is going to pick them up, not anyone who rocks up saying "I'm collecting Jimmy today!"

parrotonmyshoulder · 15/05/2016 20:28

I'm much more relaxed about this. My cm moved heaven and earth to be able to have DS at the times I needed (he was horribly, horribly distressed at nursery and needed to leave urgently). In order for this to work, her sister has to have DS for 15 minutes twice a week so that cm can do a different school run.

Obviously she did check with me first but I had absolutely no objection.

DD has also gone home from school with friends if CM knows she's been with them before. This is a very small, rural community though - don't know if that makes a difference to attitudes.

CM is registered and experienced. I am a teacher and have lots of safeguarding experience. I'm happy with school and CM.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/05/2016 20:29

I've been where you are.

Years ago I was walking Clients to the shop close to our school and my CM drove past without my baby, he was 12 months old at the time. Turns out he was asleep and she'd left the next door neighbour in charge of the sleep monitor,she chose to go shopping.

I won't bore you with my reaction of hers when she saw me.

I moved him soon after.

parrotonmyshoulder · 15/05/2016 20:29

I don't really 'fume' like many people do.

hollie11 · 15/05/2016 20:29

Yes she should have asked you before hand but Fettuccinecarbonara I think informing ofsted is a bit harsh before you've even spoken to her. A husband (who is registered with ofsted as an assistant of the childminder and has a valid paediatric first aid qualification is allowed to watch children for up to 2 hrs with parental permission). I would speak to childminder tomorrow and find out what happened and outline that you are not happy with it and don't want it to happen again or want to be informed beforehand. I would be a bit miffed to have not been told tho

AstridPeth · 15/05/2016 20:32

I work in a school and we are absolutely not allowed to let a child go with an unknown adult unless we have had communication from the parent requesting that we do so. This is a serious safety issue and as others have said I would be more upset with the school and this definatly needs addressing.

needanewjob · 15/05/2016 20:36

And this is why I have a fear of using childminders! I would be so p'd off! You've paid her to perform a job and she hasn't. She hasn't even made
You aware that a friend is picking your child up. What else does she decide not to do? There's a level of trust required in childminders that I'm afraid I just don't have.

snorepatrol · 15/05/2016 20:37

I wouldn't be happy with this to be honest.

From a health and safety perspective it's not on really.
From your post it appears the woman who brought your child home doesn't know him too well from what you have said. What would have happened if he'd fallen and hurt himself or got away from her?

It's a lot or responsibility for the childminder to ask of her friend really and she probably put her friend in an awkward position where she felt too bad to say no.

I'm also surprised the school let him leave with her too.
The woman had no permission from you whatsoever to take your child and put herself in a dodgy situation by agreeing.

I imagine your childminder hasn't told hoping she will get away with it because I'm sure it wouldn't look too good to ofsted if they knew she had done this.

If she's otherwise generally a good childminder maybe you could have a word with her tell her you're not happy with the situation but put it down to a massive error of judgement?

She should have put the 2 year old in the buggy to nap really so she could take her on the school run as her actions have put school, her friend, you and your son in a difficult position.

Shelby2010 · 15/05/2016 20:39

This would only have been understandable if there had been an emergency involving the 2 year old, or if the child had just thrown up something. The rest of us plan nap times or if it goes pearshaped you wake them up at the last possible minute.

Like previous posters I'm really surprised that the school allowed it and would also be having a word there.

Medusacascade · 15/05/2016 20:41

Childminders usually pair up don't they Incase of emergency? But this wasn't and the two year old should have just been put in the pram. I don't see why someone else had to collect which I think shows a lack of judgement

Original poster

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:43

Thanks for all your responses. We are also in a small village and I think that does add to the relaxed attitude but the whole thing just felt too relaxed for me, considering it concerns the safety and whereabouts of my child. I know I do need to speak to her, I'm just dreading having an awkward conversation. I need to ask her whether she had contacted the school and told them the other child's mother would be collected DS (the school know she is DS' childminder and are familiar with her). If she hadn't told the school and they just let him go with her friend, then I agree that is concerning and I will need to speak to them too.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadow · 15/05/2016 20:43

Tough one.
School did not let him leave with a stranger, they let him leave with another child from the class and his mum. I suspect they thought they were having a playdate. Having said that, my sons primary would never let a child leave with another classmate and carer unless they had been informed in advance that this would happen. So, in your shoes, I would talk to the school too.

Ladybirdturd · 15/05/2016 20:44

Is she an official ofsted registered childminder who you pay? If so then she has broken the condition of her registration and invalidated her insurance.
I would urge you to report this to ofsted. It is unprofessional minders like this that give the whole profession a bad name

Original poster

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:44

Just to clarify, the friend is not a childminder, I think she is a SAHM.

OP posts:

hollie11 · 15/05/2016 20:45

needanewjob not all childminders are bad......some absolutely love their job and take the responsibility of caring for children seriously. I understand that some childminders are bad and give us all a bad reputation but some feel like looking after children is the best job in the world (although badly paid!) and try their hardest to make the children feel like part of the family and a home from home. I am a childminder and would never do what this woman has done. It saddens me to hear such stories as it gives us childminders a bad reputation, and most of us childminders do it not for the money but love to just care for and look after children. I've had desk jobs, retail management etc and I couldn't imagine going back to that when you have funny, lovely, sweet children to care for instead.

knackeredfarmingmummy · 15/05/2016 20:49

not acceptable. your paying this person to look after your child.

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