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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder got her friend to collect DS from school

65 replies

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:15

I'm a bit annoyed about this and feel I need to address it with the childminder but would value any perspectives/ opinions.

DS (6) is taken to and collected from school by a childminder. When I collected him on Friday and asked about his day, he told me that the childminder's friend, who also has a son in his class, collected him from school. I know this woman well enough to say hello to but she is not a friend of mine. I asked DS why the childminder had not collected him and he said that the other child she looks after (a 2 year old) was taking her nap and she did not want to wake her up. He also said that the childminder's husband was not at home at the time so she could not go out and leave the 2 year old sleeping. I appreciate that this is an awkward situation for the childminder but I am annoyed that she did not ask me beforehand if this was ok. She also didn't tell me about it and I had to hear it from my DS. At the end of the day, I am paying her to look after my son and I feel I should know where he is and who he is with at all times.

AIBU? Any suggestions on how to address it with her? I don't want to cause any unpleasantness as she is otherwise fine.

OP posts:

Joolsy · 15/05/2016 21:37

You could just ask your cm if her friend is a cm as well as you'd heard she had collected your DS from school. Also ask if the school were ok with this, if they'd asked any questions etc, or if she had rung them beforehand. Doesn't mean it's ok, but there are ways to have this type of conversation without coming across as being confrontational, if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Joolsy · 15/05/2016 21:39

Also if this woman drove your DS to the cm's house, how do you know she had the relevant insurance? Wouldn't she need business insurance (even though it wasn't actually her that's running a business)? Sounds like your cm has been very sneaky and hoped you wouldn't find out

plantsitter · 15/05/2016 21:45

If she's OFSTED registered she must knew this is not OK. If the friend is not a childminder she won't be crb or whatever it is now checked. However I would approach this gently as this is another mum in your Ds's class. Youb don't want it to be turned into an issue about whether or not you trust that mum (which is beside the point).

sunnyday35 · 15/05/2016 21:51

Isn't it illegal?? Ofsted would have a field day. Sure it breaks every safe guarding policy there is. The school's massively in the wrong and the child minder.

Cagliostro · 15/05/2016 21:51

YANBU

shinynewusername · 15/05/2016 21:52

YANBU. Acceptable only in an emergency and, even then, she should have contacted you and the school beforehand if at all possible.

zipzap · 15/05/2016 22:12

Just to throw a bit more fuel to the fire...

Do you know for sure that this is the first time this has happened?

It might be that the school were happy to let it happen because it wasn't the first time the other mum has picked up your ds or another mindee of the CM previously...

Given the different ages and requirements of the children she is minding, I would want to know what procedures she has in place when there are conflicting requirements - eg toddler is napping and your ds needs to be picked up from school and so on - so you can find out if there are any other points at which your ds is being disadvantaged and work out if you're still happy with your cm, work out something more acceptable with her or find someone else...

Ditsy4 · 15/05/2016 22:20

Yes acceptable in an emergency. I used to be a childminder. I think it would be unreasonable of you to contact Ofsted. If you want her to continue minding your child , I would just say that you were unhappy about it and don't want it to happen again.
I work in a school and they shouldn't have let your son go even if they know the other mum, without ringing you first. We have had parents turn up late and others have offered to take them( kind to offer) but we never let them go. They are only to go to people named. Up to year 4 we check our children are going with the correct person.

FattyMcFatFace · 15/05/2016 22:40

As a childminder, I'm appalled by this behaviour and would not hesitate to report her to Ofsted. It's against everything she's signed up to, and ditto for the school. She would, and should, lose her registration. Most CMs I know wouldn't even dream of doing this, and it sickens me that people like her give the decent ones such a bad name.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 15/05/2016 22:44

My school would not let my kids leave with a new person without my prior consent. And my childminder of many years standing has never done this. There have been a few occasions over the years where cos of illness or some other reason she has not been able to pick up my kids, she has every single time called and given me the option of another childminder taking the kids to her house, or for me to get them myself. And my kids do know the other childminder who may pick them up, they play with the kids minded by the other childminder sometimes after school. If this happens I ring the school to let the teacher know who is picking up my kids that evening.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 15/05/2016 22:45

And I meant to add that this is very important to me and I would not be at all happy with the situation the OP described. I really trust my childminder, she has proven to be excellent over many years.

SpookyRachel · 15/05/2016 23:02

My (ex) CM actually left my dd with a (to her) stranger once. Our arrangement was that she would drop off dd at 3pm, just before going to pick up her own child. This allowed my dp (who works from home) to pick up our eldest. But she was very frequently late, and one day didn't turn up till 3.15. She wasn't answering her phone, so dp in the end left a message saying, "I've had to go and get dd1, you'll have to keep dd2 till after your pick-up and just drop her off on your way back!. So CM arrived, nobody in, but NDN kindly offered to take dd2. CM had never met him, had no idea who he was or what our relationship with him was like. She took him up on his offer.

I rang her to complain and she apologised. But the very next week I went to pick up dd from her place (upstairs flat in a tall Victorian townhouse) and found her in the garden, alone with another small child, both up to their waists in a large paddling pool. CM was two flights up, changing a baby's nappy.

In retrospect, she was so awful I think she was trying to get us to dump her. After we did, all sorts came out - that she smoked, left the kids inside on the hour so she could take the puppy out for a toilet break, left dd in the gym crèche without asking me, and expected dd to watch TV all the time. Worst, she stopped in the street to tell me how much she disliked dd. I feel guilty because we ignored a lot of warning signs - dd has attachment disorder and I was so reluctant to make her transition to another caregiver, but in the end that was what had to happen.

Writing all that was great catharsis - it was years ago, but I'm still furious!

murphyslaws · 16/05/2016 09:57

Unacceptable she should of checked with you first. I would be having serious words.

Pinkhousealreadyinuse · 17/05/2016 21:33

What happened op?

wheresthel1ght · 18/05/2016 19:13

This so definitely ur not on. At the very least she should have contacted you to check it was ok.

My dd's cm had a doctors apt the other day, she text me to ask if it was ok for her to leave dd with a friend of hers. She specified that friend is a registered cm and was quite happy to take dd if I was unhappy.

Can't say I was happy about it as I don't know this other woman. But dd talks about her a lot because they do park meet ups and toddler groups etc. I was honest and said I wasn't comfortable with it but as a one off I would agree.

If you watch "in the club" on bbc Jill half penny's character is in the shot for doing similar after a kid got hurt!

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