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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder got her friend to collect DS from school

65 replies

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:15

I'm a bit annoyed about this and feel I need to address it with the childminder but would value any perspectives/ opinions.

DS (6) is taken to and collected from school by a childminder. When I collected him on Friday and asked about his day, he told me that the childminder's friend, who also has a son in his class, collected him from school. I know this woman well enough to say hello to but she is not a friend of mine. I asked DS why the childminder had not collected him and he said that the other child she looks after (a 2 year old) was taking her nap and she did not want to wake her up. He also said that the childminder's husband was not at home at the time so she could not go out and leave the 2 year old sleeping. I appreciate that this is an awkward situation for the childminder but I am annoyed that she did not ask me beforehand if this was ok. She also didn't tell me about it and I had to hear it from my DS. At the end of the day, I am paying her to look after my son and I feel I should know where he is and who he is with at all times.

AIBU? Any suggestions on how to address it with her? I don't want to cause any unpleasantness as she is otherwise fine.

OP posts:

Medusacascade · 15/05/2016 20:49

My children's school would not have let this happen. They are very stringent in this and would have phoned the parent to check. And if in any doubt about family members they phone and check too.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/05/2016 20:50

Medusa- quite right too!

hollie11 · 15/05/2016 20:51

tabbymactat have a word with her tomorrow and then see how you feel about the situation then. You could make a complaint to ofsted but personally I'd speak to her first then decide - if you think overall she's a good childminder who seems to have made a bad decision last week maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?? Maybe she was feeling unwell and (stupidly) thought it would be ok? If you tell her that you don't want it to happen again and she apologises and says it won't then would you be ok with that?

ElegantDream · 15/05/2016 20:54

I would not be happy.

Speak to the school. They should NOT have released him to someone else.
Speak to the childminder. It's not on.

Original poster

tabbymactat · 15/05/2016 20:55

To be fair, I think she is a good childminder who made an error of judgement. The 2 year old was (according to DS) sleeping, the school is not walking distance so she could not have taken a pushchair, I do relate to the inconvenience of working around toddler nap times. But as others have said, I am paying her to look after him and if she had even called and checked, I might have been ok with it (though not fully ok with it). I will have to take a deep breath and discuss it with her. She has been very flexible in working around me and DH's changeable schedules and has been good in other ways so I don't want to end the arrangement or anything, but I do need to address it with her.

OP posts:

Blu · 15/05/2016 20:56

So you are paying her, as a DBS-checked, Ofsted registered, childcare-qualified CM to pick up your child, and she outsourced to 'a friend'. Not on at all.

Amongst a group of friends we used to pick each others' kids up from school, and quite often I would think DS was off to tea with my friend A, but in fact he and the little group of them would walk home with my friend B as a favour to A, all fine because we all knew each other well, kids knew all the Mums well, and we were doing each other favours.

I would just say 'I understand that DS was picked up by * on Friday - could you check with me if you need to vary our agreement?'.

Headofthehive55 · 15/05/2016 20:57

My cm did this to my child too. I left as soon as I could and used a nursery instead. I was once asked by a friend of a friend to walk a child to school, I didn't know the child but initially presumed it was hers (she rang me out if the blue, from the class list of phone numbers as our children were in the same class. ) it turned out she was a cm and the child was her charge!

Kidnapped · 15/05/2016 20:59

If it were an emergency, then okay.

But it wasn't. It was a 2 year old napping that she couldn't be arsed to put into the car to pick up from school.

I'm guessing that normally if the 2 year old is napping, she just leaves her husband in charge of the 2 year old at home? Which is why your child mentioned the husband? Do the parents of the 2 year old know about this?

So there are two things here that certainly indicate a lack of communication with parents or potentially a lack of judgement on her part. Both things would concern me.

didyoureally · 15/05/2016 21:05

I had a lovely childminder who was reliable and professional. Her husband was registered to stand in and help out if necessary, and there were also 2 local childminders who were able to cover for her if she ever had an appointment, illness etc. I was aware of this arrangement from the outset and it worked well. I would have been furious if I had your experience. You are paying someone to do a job and you should know where your child is at all times when in her care. I don't see why your CM couldn't go ahead with the school run taking the baby with her - most of us parents have managed to do that many times!

Shirkingfromhome · 15/05/2016 21:08

I'm missing the point here but why did the school let your let DS go home with someone not authorised by you?

longdiling · 15/05/2016 21:09

Nope, not on at all Op. Definitely speak to her about it. But the previous poster who used this example to state that this is why you can't trust childminders is kidding herself. In actual fact your childminder took a very stupid risk and got 'busted' immediately. Even if your son hadn't told you what had happened then someone else at school might have spotted what happened and told you. A nursery could use any number of untrained/unchecked staff members and how would you possibly know?! It just feels safer and more legitimate but you have to 'trust' them just as much as you do a childminder.

hollie11 · 15/05/2016 21:09

tabbymactat apart from this incident she sounds like an ok childminder. I'd do as you said......have a conversation with her and make it very clear that you aren't happy with a stranger picking up your child and to not be informed of it was upsetting. Then if her reaction is "I'm so sorry, won't happen again....." then I'd probably leave it at that

TheoriginalLEM · 15/05/2016 21:15

i would be livid and find a new child minder!!!!

However id also want to know what the school are playing at. They should not have allowed him to go with someone who isn't on the list of folk who can pick him up.

RunnerOnTheRun · 15/05/2016 21:17

Horrible, really unprofessional and wrong. No insurance in that instance either. I'd be really upset if I were you. I have had to wake up toddlers from their naps for 10 years to go on school runs.. it is just something childminders do!

RunnerOnTheRun · 15/05/2016 21:19

For those going mental at the school, how do you know the cm didn't phone ahead and tell them?

Also, we only have one 2 one hand over at the nursery and reception part of school, not year one and above which I assume this child is in, being aged 6.

Willow2016 · 15/05/2016 21:23

I would ask your son if she normally takes the 2yr old to pick him up? if not and she is leaving them with her husband is he a registered assistant? If not she is breaking her own rules of registration. If this is the case does the parent of the 2yr old know about this? This would invalidate her registration terms and her P.L.I.

I wouldnt be happy about her getting some random friend to pick up my child. As a cm I sometimes have to pick up a sleeping child and put them in the car/buggy to go on pick ups. (If they normally have a nap prior to the journey I have a lie flat buggy anyway) Sometimes they drop of at the most inconvenient times But often they stay asleep until we get there or are perfectly happy and wake up properly.

Either way its my responsibility to care for them and the child at school/nursery at pick up time not somebody elses. It invalidates my contract, terms and conditions, insurance, and registration. Not worth it for any reason. (unless emergency and there was no other way)

And the school shouldnt have let him go with her anyway without prior consent as the cm normally picks him up. You need to talk to the school and re-emphasise nobody but cm (or someone of your choice) takes him away.

Shirkingfromhome · 15/05/2016 21:26

Runner surely the school check with the parent if alternative arrangements are being made?

Willow2016 · 15/05/2016 21:27

RunnerOnTheRun - its not up to the cm to decide who picks up her charge, its up to his parents. It sounds perfectly innocent but parents should know that the person they have contracted to collect their child is doing so and not farming them out to someone else for their own convenience.

Mothers have been taking toddlers to collect older sibling at school for for ever why cant she?

gracielooloo · 15/05/2016 21:28

I'm in the minority here but this wouldn't bother me, I certainly wouldn't be 'fuming' or phoning Ofsted!

Also regarding the school, our kids just wander out by themselves above P1.

StealthPolarBear · 15/05/2016 21:28

Hmm our school seems a bit more lenient than most. IT has a group of people which for us is parents, grandparents (which would seem to include great uncle and grandad is an identical twin!) Cm and her husband. I've called before say on a day granny bis picking up when she wouldn't usually and they don't need to know. As the dc get older they also seem happier to accept the child's word eg if they're going home with a friend, presumably if the child seems worried or confused they call.

MerilwenRose · 15/05/2016 21:31

In an absolute emergency (by which I mean a child in her care was ill or injured or something that was serious) I wouldn't kick up a fuss. If she'd contacted you before to ask I would be okay with it, as the adult was known to you. However the scenario you describe doesn't seem appropriate to me at all, and I would be telling her that I didn't want it to happen again.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/05/2016 21:31

I found out a few weeks ago that my childminder had left my child with someone (another childminder) whilst she went to a bridal shop to try on bridesmaid dresses!!!

I only found this out via Facebook.

My first thought was, "I'm paying you to look after my child" and my second thought was, "How many other times has she done this without me knowing...."

rosy71 · 15/05/2016 21:35

When ds1 used to be picked up by a childminder, she had more than one named people who could cover/look after the children in an emergency or something unplanned. One was another local childminder, the other might have been her mother. Check your paperwork. If she has any such arrangement, it will be detailed on there.

rosy71 · 15/05/2016 21:35

When ds1 used to be picked up by a childminder, she had more than one named people who could cover/look after the children in an emergency or something unplanned. One was another local childminder, the other might have been her mother. Check your paperwork. If she has any such arrangement, it will be detailed on there.

Named person, obviously.

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2016 21:36

the school is not walking distance so she could not have taken a pushchair

So are you saying this woman drove your DS to the childminder's?

If so, I would be angry about that as I would have no clue as to how safe her driving is, or whether she had a suitable car seat etc.

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