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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that gay couple would not live like this?

68 replies

BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 22:43

I've recently moved to a new area and made friends with a nice group of mums, and have felt like they are my sort of people. We went out the other night and one of them said that they think that one of the other mums that wasn't out that night is a lesbian. I was a bit confused as she lives with her husband and kids.
Apparently she has a 'friend' that she sees a lot of and who stays over at her house who she is secretly in a relationship with and her marriage is just a scam so that she (and her husband who is also supposed to be gay) could have kids and be accepted in society.
Am I totally naïve to think that gay couples don't need to live in this way and it would be like going back in time or am I the one who has rose tinted glasses that I think that they would be accepted?!

OP posts:
needfemaleadvice · 14/05/2016 22:45

Is the husband some sort of composer?

FellOutOfBedTwice · 14/05/2016 22:45

I would be very shocked to hear that had happened here (London) as I know plenty of particularly female same sex couples with kids. But maybe if you live somewhere more conservative?

JustLostTheGame · 14/05/2016 22:46

I'd be wary of your gossipy, shit stirring new friend. Regardless of how the other friend does or doesnt live.

Littlepeople12345 · 14/05/2016 22:47

They don't sound like a nice group of mums to me.

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2016 22:47

Other people's sex lives are none of my business. I would be wary of the gossip.

JustLostTheGame · 14/05/2016 22:47

I mean who the fuck actually discusses other people's sexuality anymore? Did she tell you who she thought was straight too? I'm guessing no.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 14/05/2016 22:48

Is she Kimberley Walsh?

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2016 22:49

No-one needs to live like that but they have obviously chosen to for their own private reasons.

Or at least it would be private if your bunch of gossipy friends respected that.

sixinabed · 14/05/2016 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustLostTheGame · 14/05/2016 22:55

OP i hope your response was

"AAAND?" With a blank stare whilst waiting for the point of her story.

Original poster
BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 23:00

When I say they are nice, I think they would accept it either way, but it never occurred to me- I think they are a genuine heterosexual couple and she's got a best friend that stays over. But then I don't know- I feel like they think I'm being really naive not to realise. I don't feel it was gossipy as they are good friends and think it's a shame that she can't just be what she wants to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 23:06

Composer? Needfemaleadvice is that some kind of code?! Think he's an architect!

OP posts:
StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 14/05/2016 23:09

This isn't the 1970s.

DixieNormas · 14/05/2016 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillKitten · 14/05/2016 23:11

Hard to tell fact from fiction here, of course, but also hard to see why this is a topic of conversation at all? At the very best, it's deeply unpleasant gossip. Not about some abstract figure either, but about someone you will presumably meet. Unpleasant gossip you're choosing to pass on via a public internet site, I must add. I am a bit confused as to why this is anyone's business, either on your night out on on this thread. Personally I would not trust these people or choose to spend time with them (I'd assume they'd also treat me this way behind their back and AVOID putting myself / my family through that), and I'd certainly not repeat their rumours on this site.
YABU to make any judgements about this woman based on the idle gossip of this group.

cleaty · 14/05/2016 23:13

I know a couple who do not have sex but the woman has female lovers.

ChicRock · 14/05/2016 23:13

Your new friend is a nasty gossip.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/05/2016 23:16

Ignore gossip, and be extremely wary of a 'friend' who does this. You'll be on the wrong end of it at some point.

sixinabed · 14/05/2016 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MajesticWhine · 14/05/2016 23:17

Women is involved with female friend/lover in a loveless marriage, doesn't want to break up marriage : sounds quite possible. Gay man and woman have a scam marriage purely in order to have kids and save face : sounds rather unlikely.

Just5minswithDacre · 14/05/2016 23:19

Like a hipster thing? Reviving the concept of lavender marriage because it's retro? Like the hipster craze for doorstep-delivered milk in glass bottles?

I'd take that with a pinch of salt and wonder more about the motives of the gossip, I think.

ThatsMyStapler · 14/05/2016 23:20

. Unpleasant gossip you're choosing to pass on via a public internet site, I must add. I am a bit confused as to why this is anyone's business, either on your night out on on this thread.

Oh Ffs, it's an anonymous forum, why can't the op post here. I hope you don't post on any other posts like the wedding ones

DoinItFine · 14/05/2016 23:25

Doesn't sound that unlikely to me.

It's all very well saying how open minded everyone is now but that is REALLY recent.

If they are now in their 50s, then they could have got together 30 years ago. That was 1986.

What was happening with gaya rights back then?

I once knew a man who would be that age now who was openly out and gay but wanted to have a normal family life and so married a friend and had a baby with her. He thought he could just ignore the gay :(

He managed to for over a decade.

dowhatnow · 14/05/2016 23:27

Doesn't everyone gossip? As long as it's not done in a judgemental way, what's wrong with discussing unusual set ups? What do friends talk about if it doesn't include some gossip/chat about people you know?

I don't think I'm horrible but I would enjoy debating an issue such as this. Are they/Aren't they? It wouldn't matter either way but it's an interesting topic of conversation.

AliceInHinterland · 14/05/2016 23:29

I think gossip is quite a normal part of social interaction, and it does sound a very thought-provoking set up! Never met anyone in RL who is not interested in others' private lives - certainly is generally casual rather than malicious interest.