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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that gay couple would not live like this?

68 replies

BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 22:43

I've recently moved to a new area and made friends with a nice group of mums, and have felt like they are my sort of people. We went out the other night and one of them said that they think that one of the other mums that wasn't out that night is a lesbian. I was a bit confused as she lives with her husband and kids.
Apparently she has a 'friend' that she sees a lot of and who stays over at her house who she is secretly in a relationship with and her marriage is just a scam so that she (and her husband who is also supposed to be gay) could have kids and be accepted in society.
Am I totally naïve to think that gay couples don't need to live in this way and it would be like going back in time or am I the one who has rose tinted glasses that I think that they would be accepted?!

OP posts:
Original poster
BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 23:32

I felt like this was a good sounding board as I (hope) it's anonymous- so not passing on any gossip but to see if this is a 'thing' (just like in the past when it DID used to happen)
I do know the people that were being discussed- she just wasn't out that night. I'm not judging anyone, just wondered if I'm being too liberal in my thinking and that some gay couples still feel like children will get an easier time if they are seen to be from a heterosexual home?

OP posts:
TrillKitten · 14/05/2016 23:35

ThatsMyStapler Assuming that's my quote you're getting at there - you're correct. OP is welcome to re-tell the gossip it here, but it does seem worth pointing out that there's something at play when one woman didn't make it to a night out and so in her absence her personal life gets chatted about by all who weren't physically there and now any of us who happen to be online. Of course we all can sit here discussing this poor woman's personal life. I guess I am wondering whether we should be (and yes, that of course includes me!)

Not sure there's any need to hope I wont be found on other threads. I haven't been rude, attacked anyone or sworn etc so I am confident you're robust enough to be able to hear politely opposing opinions and either respond in kind or ignore them without too much distress.

MorrisZapp · 14/05/2016 23:36

Of course people discuss set ups like this, it's not nasty at all in my view. I'd be like omg if I heard that. Why meet up and chat if you don't want to chat.

TrillKitten · 14/05/2016 23:37

BitsofPaper Thanks for clarifying. I work with LGBT families and sadly I absolutely know that some people still face such prejudice and even violence for their sexuality that this seems plausible, if sad, to me.

TrillKitten · 14/05/2016 23:40

Sorry for posting so much (I'll shut up now! promise!) but it's also worth remembering that non-monogamy and open relationships exist, especially in LGBT+ communities, and just because they see other people (IF this gossip is even true!) doesn't mean that their marriage is a 'scam' or that they don't have real feelings for each other.

AngieBolen · 14/05/2016 23:44

So supposedly a mum and dad who live together aren't sexually interested in each other and shag other people?

If they were both heterosexual I would say one of them would eventually get hurt, and it wouldn't end well, but supposing the gossip is true, who cares....they may live this way, not to avoid what other people think, but becuase it's the easiest way to parent.

And maybe they are putting their child/ren before their sex lives, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Original poster
BitsofPaper · 14/05/2016 23:54

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Cleo1303 · 15/05/2016 00:05

"one of them said they "think" this other mum is a lesbian. You are new to the group and she obviously couldn't wait to dish the dirt. She sounds awful. She'll probably gossip about you too, whether it's unfounded or not.

She doesn't actually know about this woman's domestic set up and it is none of her business either.

paintandbrush · 15/05/2016 00:08

Wouldn't listen to this kind of slander OP. That sounds o far-fetched, it could be a Waterloo Road plotline.

LetsDoTheYogiBear · 15/05/2016 00:09

OP- you do realise for people like this, gossiping about anything and anyone is seen as acceptable. Right?

Just something for you to consider.

MaisieDotes · 15/05/2016 00:10

I agree with PPs, the only thing this story would do is make me wary of the woman delivering it.

IPityThePontipines · 15/05/2016 01:45

Is she Kimberley Walsh? Grin

In response the OP, yes it could be within the realms of possibility and remember not to tell the gossip your deep, dark secrets.

sixinabed · 15/05/2016 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 15/05/2016 07:57

I know someone who has a very close female friend and is married. They felt completely humiliated when twats started rumours about them being in a lesbian relationship. It isn't fair game to gossip about people, even if you think they have an 'unusual' setup.

mollie123 · 15/05/2016 08:13

I don't think I'm horrible but I would enjoy debating an issue such as this. Are they/Aren't they? It wouldn't matter either way but it's an interesting topic of conversation.
it is not remotely interesting or up for debate. Private lives are just that Hmm

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/05/2016 08:33

Oh good heavens, we have milk delivered to the doorstep in glass bottles... Does that mean that DH and I are hipsters? misses point of thread entirely

AnnieNoMouse · 15/05/2016 08:57

OP I suggest you ask to have your post stating the husband's occupation removed.

ThatsMyStapler · 15/05/2016 10:01

TrillKitten
Yes, that was your quote (copied and pasted)
Most of the AIBU board is 'gossip about other people' - its full of should I be judgey this 'bridezilla'. remember TidyDancers thread about Gluezilla, what was that if not gossip? Threads talking about terrible MILs and SILs, neighbours from hell, its all gossip. Gossip is casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true....

Its 'harmless' to the point of no one knowing who they are, obviously once someone is recognised then it changes, but this post could be about anyone anywhere

cleaty · 15/05/2016 12:51

Actually I agree with an earlier poster that if this couple have been together for a long time, say 30 years, then that is believable. Things were much harder 30 years ago.

grannytomine · 15/05/2016 12:53

Think she has an unhealthy interest in other people's sex lives. Be careful what you tell her!

novemberchild · 15/05/2016 13:03

They must be swingers. Time to play detective, OP. Ten points for pampas grass, five for a wicker heart in the window.

Damselindestress · 15/05/2016 14:15

Sounds like the gossip has put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 to me. There are other explanations for the scenario she describes such as a friend or relative staying over, maybe to help with the kids. DH and I live with a female housemate that neither of us are involved with, goodness knows what she'd make of that! Someone staying over doesn't mean anything is going on.

I also wouldn't consider the gossip a good friend or a good person since she's gossiping about the possibility of someone being gay as if it's scandalous and not respecting her friend's privacy. If the friend really is gay and going to such extremes to hide it then they really wouldn't appreciate people speculating about it.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 15/05/2016 14:20

Oh, yes, if she's married to a man and someone 'thinks' she has a female lover, she must be a lesbian. Hmm

I suspect your new friend is talking bullshit, TBH, but even if not, do you think maybe you should introduce her to the concept of bisexuality?

MrsJayy · 15/05/2016 14:26

Bet the mum couldnt wait to fill you in on the gossip their lives and marraige is nothing to do with any of you if thats how she talks about friends op dont turn your back

TrillKitten · 15/05/2016 16:03

ThatsMyStapler Whatever you call this behaviour, I personally I think OP should be very careful with this group. To me, this isn't harmless at all, it could potentially be very destructive to this woman, her relationship/s, and her children.