AIBU to think that gay couple would not live like this?

[BitsofPaper]

I've recently moved to a new area and made friends with a nice group of mums, and have felt like they are my sort of people. We went out the other night and one of them said that they think that one of the other mums that wasn't out that night is a lesbian. I was a bit confused as she lives with her husband and kids.
Apparently she has a 'friend' that she sees a lot of and who stays over at her house who she is secretly in a relationship with and her marriage is just a scam so that she (and her husband who is also supposed to be gay) could have kids and be accepted in society.
Am I totally naïve to think that gay couples don't need to live in this way and it would be like going back in time or am I the one who has rose tinted glasses that I think that they would be accepted?!

Sounds like a right load of old bollocks to me. This isn't the 1950's.

I'm not disagreeing with you WRT the group - I'm talking about here. The group on the other hand....

Be careful that she (the gossiper) doesn't try to make you like 'wendy', if she is a homophobe and is trying to end the group's friendship with the missing mum

You know she will be gossiping about you as well, don't you OP?

I know male gay couples with kids and lesbian couples with kids, it's perfectly possible for gay people to have children by a variety of means that are also available to heterosexual couples.

I also know a family with 3 parents and I haven't figured out their situation yet (and consider it a bit intrusive to ask simply to satisfy my curiosity) but it would certainly be very rude for me to gossip and speculate about it with mutual acquaintances

Well the most shocking revelation of this thread is that me and DH (and PILs) might be secret hipsters as we have our milk delivered in glass bottles.

The gossip only "thinks" they know what's happening so take it with a pinch of salt. It's no-one else's business anyway.

Gossip may be commonplace, that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

It seems very hard to believe they'd be in a lavender marriage in this day and age, but lots of people do have bisexual and non-monogamous relationships, so some sort of non-standard arrangement is entirely possible. Or of course it could be fabricated bollocks by the gossip.

I don't have a milkman ny more😞 I did when I lived in the back of beyond but there is no need in London......so I used to be a hipster!

Maybe she's doing a real life reverse

Just to play Devil's Advocate, has anyone considered the possibility that two gay friends, rather than faking a marriage to hide their sexualities and 'save face', could have chosen to have a child together and live together because it works for them? A lesbian and a gay male friend having a child together isn't that uncommon a scenario; and if they get on very well, they may feel living together makes sense for the kid(s). They didn't necessarily feel forced into it at all.

Let's face it, if they came up with this arrangement to hide their secret gay lives, they're not doing a very good job of it.

Sure, Smurf, that's perfectly possible. I know some friends of friends who do this. I would still find a bunch of new acquaintances speculating pruriently about someone else's sexual/domestic arrangements behind their backs pretty small-minded and unattractive.

Sounds like schoolyard gossip to me. I doubt anyone knows this womans situation for sure.

IF its anything like it is claimed..its much more likely she was with her husband and had kids, then realised she was gay. Don't want to split up as it would upset the kids...stuff like that. Not quite as juciy as the other mums seem to want

But seriously, I wouldn't even be speculating. whats going on in someones home/sex life is really none of my business.

Im with Dowhatnow. Everyone I know speaks about others, I love a good gossipy debate.

This might be an 'interest subject for debate' if the unusual family set up was confirmed.

But it's not confirmed, it's only what people 'think' so it's nasty gossip about what X might be doing which is none of your business.

I know a great saying...

"If you ain't got anything good to say... come sit by me" [smile}

Everyone I know speaks about others, I love a good gossipy debate

Debate? This woman's sexuality is not up for debate, and whatever it is is nobody else's sodding business. I agree with an earlier poster who said such gossip can be harmful. Only takes a couple of thoughtless, loose tongued debaters (i was going to be less polite than that) to make a suspicion become a widely known and blabbed about 'truth'.
OP, YANBU: gay couples need not live like this any more. They don't need to save face, though it's possible some do.
And I'd be very cautious about your new friend if I were you.

The gossipy mum sounds like a right piece of work.

What will she be saying about you if you don't turn up one day?

BiL is gay. His best friend in their world is a gay woman. They go and stay with each other, holiday together etc. Neither have had a relationship for many years, both are a bit sad they haven't had children.

I would love them to move in together and have a kid and (faux) jokingly suggested it once. BiL thinks that would be deeply weird. But acknowledges they will probably live together when they are old.