AIBU or is DP regarding a visit from my parents

[coralpig]

My DP and I have clashed over this.

He doesn't like my parents- probably legitimately so - but I think he can be quite childish about it.
My parents would like to come visit our city in July. There's a complicated living situation with me and my partner due to an overlap in tenancy agreements.
I rent a flat and my parents will be staying there with me for a maximum of 3 days.

My partner (soon to be husband) and I have recently bought a house and he lives there full time. I move there in the autumn when my tenancy ends.
They will be staying in my rental flat but visiting the house during the day.

My parents live far away and would love to see the house. My mum has an insanely busy schedule juggling full time work and caring for my grandma as well as being a mum to my younger brother. They're having building work done and my dad has been helping with this. That means the time when they can give up a few days is very limited. My partner knows this.

I've been on the phone to my mum to ask when they'll be coming up and she said between the 8th and 30th of July (exact dates tbc). I said that's fine but please give us lots of notice.

I told my partner just now and he got very angry as he has exams that whole month. I should have known this because it's in our calendar and they should not visit then. I'm cross and think it's very unreasonable for him to write off an entire month when they can't come especially as they hardly bombard us with visits (this is the first time in over a year) and they won't even be staying in the same in the same house as him. Of course they'd like to see him but it'll
Probably be for a meal in the evenings at most and not necessarily each night.

AIBU or is he?

Tbh, there are so many pieces of information missing it's hard to know what the actual issue is.

The DP doesn't like his prospective in laws "probably legitimately". What does this mean?
The in laws want to see the house. To visit for 30 minutes, to go to everyday all day. Who knows - the OP isn't clear.
I'm sure there's a compromise somewhere but with so little info it's hard to know WIBU.

Btw, I did icaew accountancy exams. They were the hardest exams I ever took, topped off with the knowledge that if I failed I could lose my job. Similarly friends have taken post-grad medical exams. They are gruelling. A little bit of the OP remembering the exams are in July wouldn't have gone amiss and perhaps asking her parents to delay to August.

He has exams, those just don't take up the days of the actual exams, there's all the revision and stress that goes along with it.

Poor lamb. Must have his peace and quiet.

Goodness knows what he will be like if he has kids!

I've got children. And yes, I did largely opt out of much parenting in the month before my exams. My dh supported this because

1. we are a team who help each other
2. failing the exams would have meant we had to make significant cut backs affecting the whole family because the cost to resit was so high
3. my job brings in money we rely on as a family (I'm the main breadwinner)

As someone pointed out exams are not a hobby and the outcome impacts the whole family. Of course there are times when dh couldn't do everything because of his work commitments and then of course I looked after my children. But expecting the support to be able to focus on exams isn't unreasonable.

Would you move out and never see anyone in case they might want to visit your home once?

Of course I wouldn't move out in this scenario Doreen but I wouldn't let anyone visit, I'd simply see them elsewhere. Hardly a major hardship for a few weeks. In the situation the op describes I certainly wouldn't bring visitors to the house when I had a flat to stay in instead, unless it was OK with my partner, especially if he found said visitors over bearing.

As I've already said, the op is not unreasonable to want to see her parents or to have them to stay in her flat, but she needs to show a bit more consideration to the fact that this is a very stressful time for her partner and only go to the house for a brief visit at a mutually convenient time, not all day and not to expect him to join them for dinner.

This is a classic AIBU thread

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT EXAMS THEY ARE

Of course I wouldn't move out in this scenario Doreen but I wouldn't let anyone visit, I'd simply see them elsewhere.

Then you would be being unreasonable. If your inlaws wanted to come round for a cup of tea then there is no way you would get angry about it as that would be batshit crazy - exams or no exams. Esp if you were home alone for the whole of the month.

It very much depends on the in laws in question to be honest. My in laws idea of "popping round for a cup of tea" typically means parking themselves on our sofa for at least 8 hours, demanding a constant stream of refreshments and furnishing us their old-fashioned and frequently offensive opinions about a range of subjects including but not limited to parenting (in a nutshell, we're doing it wrong), 'foreigners' and how feminism has "gone too far".

Doreen I was responding to your comment about what I would do if my husband had exams. Not me. I said in an earlier post I would have been happy for my in laws to come during my own exam preparation because I know they would have been respectful of my need to study and not expected me to entertain them

It doesn't sound as though either the op or her parents would apply this respect, given that they're planning to spend days and evenings in the house when her partner is revising and, crucially, they have somewhere else they could be instead

Out of interest, have you ever had to do expensive professional exams that your family income and career depended on?