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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be in shock with this woman?

152 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 20:41

I was in a large toy retail store (not sure if you're allowed to name them if I am I'll disclose it) and was at the till paying for my sons toys and then the cashier went when's the baby due. my son was in the trolly right in front of her.

I do have a bit of horrible saggy stretched skin and a bit of baby weight still on me but I didn't know how to react beside shock and laugh.

what would have you done if it was you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 23:36

she was about late 30s

OP posts:
UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 14/05/2016 23:55

When ds was at preschool (!) the manager looked at me and gasped 'oh, are you having another one?" And I said No, just still got that baby tum! She honestly was more mortified than me - I laughed it off - I was slim, but I was standing how you do when you're used to carrying a toddler constantly on your hip, so my belly was sticking out more than usual. That's what I tell myself anyway

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 00:09

I still wished I had some witty remark to give her

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DancingHippo · 15/05/2016 00:11

I am still offered seats on the underground occasionally (youngest is 5 now) and accept graciously!

Some people just try to make conversation and engage mouth before brain.

Maybe while trying to make small talk and serve you at the same time, she didn't take in what you said and thought your DS was older so it could have been feasible that you were expecting again.

I wouldn't take it personally.

Weeks after DC4 was born, I had 'haven't you had it yet' from a school mum when he was in his car seat on a bench next to me. That woman was a complete bitch though and I know she said it on purpose.

Having had twins 10 months after a single pregnancy previously, I have split abdominal muscles so they were already buggered anyway. DC4 was very big/long and I always carry a lot of amnio fluid so I was as big as a house with him still am.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 00:15

not taking it personally. thread would be a bitching fest if it was haha.

just utter shock that she would ask this that's all. I'd expected better

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m0therofdragons · 15/05/2016 00:17

I had this on a packed train in London. Man offered me his seat (as it was mine that I'd pre booked) but he was a but huffy about it as the rest of the carriage was standing room only and the woman opposite jumped in with "well I should think so too in this lady's condition!". I was a bit hot and stressed from running for the train so I decided to let it go and assume she meant my hot harassed-looking condition. However, she then asked when the baby was due. Train was silent as I managed "erm I'm not pregnant but I did just eat a burger!" I'm size 12 and I was in my favourite bloody work dress.

BillSykesDog · 15/05/2016 00:20

Meh. It happens. I used to look pregnant whilst I was actually dealing with infertility as part of the condition which was causing my infertility and was asked several times and had people give me seats on public transport etc. It was very upsetting but it wasn't unkindly meant.

Since had children fwiw.

Italiangreyhound · 15/05/2016 00:35

This happens to me a lot! I've got a very round tummy and despite being 51 (I do look quite young for my age) I am asked fairly often 'when is it due?' Luckily, now, it just doesn't bother me. I've no idea why people say anything.

I also hate it because I know the other person will be embarrassed and to be honest I'm not anymore!

I'd be tempted to just ignore the question and if they are dumb enough to ask again I'd just say, "I heard you the first time but it's not relevant to me so I was ignoring the question!" (I never say that, I just say I'm not pregnant and then they get all flustered and embarrassed!)

sepa · 15/05/2016 00:50

My colleague gets asked this a lot it pisses me off as she is so lovely and it really brings her down
Someone in a supermarket asked her, she said she wasn't and they laughed. She called their head office and the member of staff had to apologise to her

Esmeismyhero · 15/05/2016 01:00

Enjoy x

dillydotty · 15/05/2016 01:17

DancingHippo three under a year old Shock. What a change to go through in such a short space of time.

Megansmumsie · 15/05/2016 01:22

I think it's a genuine mistake, sometimes people try to be friendly and their mouth engages before their brain and while obviously not nice for you i'm sure we've all been on the end of it or been the one saying it.

I've had the when's the baby due question and i just said 'i'm not pregnant, just fat' and laughed it off.

In regards to saying something before you think, when my Nan passed away my Father in Law offered me his condolences, i turned to him and said 'it's ok'. Now, i didn't mean it's ok, i meant it's ok as in he didn't have to offer his condolences because i already knew he was sorry for her passing but it could have been easily been taken as a lack of caring on my part.

I hope it didn't offend you too much and i wouldn't worry about it at all. :-)

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 03:05

she could have said "don't get too close or I'll harpoon" and I wouldn't of been offended. takes a lot to get me wound up but something so out of the blue I can't help but be taken back by

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PalaceResident · 15/05/2016 03:19

Just before Kate Middleton had princess Charlotte I was in M&S one day. When I got to the till the lady, who was very jovial and friendly, said "do you or Kate will go first"?

I didn't really hear her properly. My sister and I discussed it outside and realised what she meant. I laughed then but did feel a bit shit! I hadn't bothered really to try to loose the weight have DS who'd been born about 20 months previous.

I had DD back in February and have made the effort this time and ok slimmer than that already. Hoping it doesn't happen again.

PalaceResident · 15/05/2016 03:20

**do you think

lozengeoflove · 15/05/2016 03:59

OP when I was on the maternity ward after giving birth to my giant DD one of the midwives asked me if I had twins because my post-partum stomach was so big.
Errrr no. There is only one newborn peacefully sleeping next to me. WTactualF!

I now have a three week old and when I was pregnant with him, shop assistants constantly asked if I was having twins. Am just dreading someone asking the same question you've been posed as I still look pregnant.

There is no wonder why women struggle with post pregnancy body issues so soon after giving birth when it appears that their bodies are a public property open for comment and discussion. Hmm

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 05:25

I do wish I could make the effort, but snaking is my weak fall.

of all the places to ask about babies is on a ward! they should know we've just gave birth, we're tired and emotional. if you haven't got nothing good to say don't say it at all

I got asked if my bump was just fat as of didn't look pregnant as I had such a small bump. now I'm being asked whether it's due. doesn't make sense.

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Hallamoo · 15/05/2016 09:50

(Misses point entirely) You were buying Christmas presents in May???

You said they were for your son's 1st Christmas? It's May!

I can see why she was confused tbh.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 10:37

it's cause I had a voucher to start up a payment plan from an event I went to. also a family friend starts their shopping in January when it comes to toys and stuff. must just be a family and friends thing we do haha.

I know it's a mistake, that's why I keep saying in not angry.

OP posts:
Pearlman · 15/05/2016 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 11:31

it's obvious when someone is being nasty. the tone of voice the way she looks. she was just making small talk. yes very bad small talk but it was just that.

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CopyAndPasteCuntingJournos · 15/05/2016 12:46

I had this the other day. I was walking along, enjoying the sunshine and generally feeling good. I had my little one in a back pack carrier with the sun shade up (it looked very substantial and lots of people were looking over). One woman actually stopped her car, on the main road so she was blocking traffic, to tell me I shouldn't be carrying so much in my condition. I know I'm a bit chubby still but seriously... My baby was on my back! I just laughed and said "only a food baby in here". She drove off pretty sharpish.

There is no need for any one to comment unless the person brings it up. Sorry it happened to you OP, it sucks.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 15:03

I can't believe she actually stopped traffic to say that. I'd be more annoyed she caused a traffic jam haha.

I wonder how the people who ask it feels. wonder if anyone said it on purpose?

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emmalimesmom · 15/05/2016 16:43

what was you buying maybe she seen rattles or a cot mobile and asked without looking at you
i worked in a shop and a bloke put shampoo and conditioner on the counter and i said without looking at him "makes your hair lovely and soft doesnt it"
he was as bald as a coot but had a sense of humour

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 15/05/2016 18:43

it was stuff for 12 months plus. like this fisher price chair. Thomas and Friends my first train set. all that sort of stuff.

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