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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be in shock with this woman?

152 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 20:41

I was in a large toy retail store (not sure if you're allowed to name them if I am I'll disclose it) and was at the till paying for my sons toys and then the cashier went when's the baby due. my son was in the trolly right in front of her.

I do have a bit of horrible saggy stretched skin and a bit of baby weight still on me but I didn't know how to react beside shock and laugh.

what would have you done if it was you?

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Comingfoccacia · 14/05/2016 22:10

This happened to me but I was buying a load of baby clothes for DH to take overseas for his family. I really enjoyed watching the cashier squirm, she was mortified! I think a sense of humour is often required in situations like that!

apple1992 · 14/05/2016 22:10

I'd be fuming too!

I saw this on Facebook earlier which seems quite relevant!

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 22:15

I feel more bad for the women who are asked this and unfortunately the worst has happened, like in purples friends case. it's one thing asking someone who has had a baby but asking someone who has recently lost a baby....just no that's why you dont ask.

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bigbuttons · 14/05/2016 22:19

I have done this. I was at a clothes swap. All the baby stuff was in a separate area to the adults' clothes. A woman with a very large and very pregnant looking belly was next to me picking up small baby clothes. I thought it was quite safe to ask her when the baby was due. " three months" ago came the reply . I wanted the ground or swallow me up. I have never asked any woman since.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 22:22

it happens that's why I'm not mad. maybe she was tired?

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RabbitSaysWoof · 14/05/2016 22:24

That happened to me. I went home and cried. Felt like shit.
Do people really have nothing better to make small talk about to complete strangers?

Graceymac · 14/05/2016 22:27

I wouldn't take it personally. This has been said to me lots of times. It's not nice but in my case I do have a bit of a tummy so I can see how this mistake could be made. I don't ever think this has been said to me maliciously. Innapropriate and intrusive yes but I think often people are trying to make a connection and perhaps think before speaking.

Graceymac · 14/05/2016 22:27

Sorry perhaps speak before thinking!

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 22:27

small talk would be "have you had a good day" "have you any plans for the rest of the weekend" "what brought you to our store today" not "when you due" "is it a boy or girl"

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Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 22:29

gracey I agree it wasn't malicious probably speak now talk later moment. I thought at first I was being silly to be in shock from it. knew not to be mad over it

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/05/2016 22:32

She called me in (just opened the door, said "hi, come in" and didn't use my sisters name so I followed obediently.

Sorry HackerFucker but this cracked me up Grin

Graceymac · 14/05/2016 22:32

I am not saying it's ok, I would prefer if people don't say it. I would never ask anyone about their "pregnancy" unless I knew they actually were. I just think there are far worse things that could happen and I don't think anyone has ever said this to me with the intention of being hurtful it is thoughtless and intrusive. Hopefully these people will be more careful in future.

evelynj · 14/05/2016 22:33

It happened to me when I was viewing a woman's house ffs. I was just fat. Needless to say we didn't buy her house & I just wanted to escape asap!

hopeful31yrs · 14/05/2016 22:36

This happened to me about 2 months after i went back to work (I went back at 9 weeks as DH took over mat leave). Had lost a lot of weight but one of my colleagues came up to me patted my tummy (grrr - no one did this WHEN i was pregnant) and asked when I was due. I just stared and said 5 months ago! Was mortified for her and myself. She was visibly sorry she'd asked. It kick started my weight loss again even though I didn't have too much to lose.

PastaLaFeasta · 14/05/2016 22:38

This happened to me when I went for a bra fitting post birth, it was only a couple of weeks though. I just think people are pretty ignorant about the realities of pregnancy, birth and the aftermath - I know I was. I had someone ask if I was having twins when my bump was actually quite small, I even had an extra growth scan. I can assure you that the woman who asked is feeling awful and will never forget this blunder. My husband did this and still cringes with embarrassment. He will never assume again and worries about offering his seat to women with "bumps". Forget it and carry on enjoying your baby.

Graceymac · 14/05/2016 22:38

I was asked at work if I was and I said no "I am just fat", I wasn't even that big, I was about 10 stone but with a belly. At this point the person patted my tummy and said "are you sure?" Shock

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 22:44

it's not affected me on the sense of omg I need ti loose weight. my DP keeps saying "your hips have fat on them, but your stomach is just really bad stretched skin" I think he was trying to help reassure me Confused

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MeLittleDuckie · 14/05/2016 23:16

I agree that you just do not comment on someone being pregnant if you don't know for sure they are.

I just commented on the other thread where someone was unhappy about their service that as a retail worker I'd have liked them to have told me if my service or that of my staff was poor so I/they didn't make the mistake again. I think in this instance it's even more important - I think an email to the store manager is needed here, simply saying what happened and suggesting that staff don't comment if they think someone's pregnant, as it can cause huge hurt at a tough time. I wouldn't include a description of the staff member unless you think she did it to upset you.

I know it's tough but please don't feel too bad about this. You have a bigger tummy for the best possible reason.

JeffFromTheDailyMail · 14/05/2016 23:18

i wanted to go downstairs the day after I had my baby to get a costa in the hospital. Left baby with husband on the ward, asked ward clerk if it was ok for me to pop downstairs for decent drink. The WARD CLERK on the POST NATAL ward, replied it was fine and then asked me if I'd had the baby yet. Obviously I still looked heavily pregnant but what a twat in that scenario.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 23:22

I might contact the manager. even if she meantime nasty I still wouldn't point he out. it's not me to do that. she'd know who she was and just the manager knowing would make her think twice.

if I'd have said something out of place (which i have done before, not asked if they was pregnant though) I'd like to know and resolve it.

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Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 23:24

was you on the ward where you go after delivery (can't remember what they call it) if so bet she felt silly after it.

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dillydotty · 14/05/2016 23:32

Feelingsolow12345 I feel your pain. I was told that "you could tell you have lost weight because your stomach is saggy". OH really thought that was a compliment!

dillydotty · 14/05/2016 23:33

Woo hoo for my first successful bold!

dillydotty · 14/05/2016 23:35

How old was the woman. Could it be blamed on the stupidity of youth?

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 14/05/2016 23:35

they think they're helping xD

and wooo, may there be many more bolding to come.

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