AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

[isitginoclock]

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

I think so, too, BarbaraofSeville, but of course I think it quietly. I am not a vegetarian myself and won't argue, I would be angry if I was, it confuses people. I know a fair few real vegetarians too. They are quite patient when I explain the reasons for my silly "no chicken or fish either?" questions.

Maybe she's dairy and egg intolerant... (being charitable)... only way I can find stuff in supermarkets as DD is intolerant to both [and soya] so get a vegan sandwich, check for soya and obtain some meat/fish separately.

Hi Random

That's a tough combination, alright! You and your DD have my sympathy. I have a vegan/breadmaking blog which may be of some use to you. Check out the cake in a mug and the egg and milk-free pancakes.

when vegetarians come for dinner you have to make a different meal for them, when you go to dinner at their house do they cook meat for you? Do they fuck!

Why the fucking hell should they!

If they don't eat meat to avoid animal cruelty, or out of respect for the environment, why should they put aside their principles for you? When you can perfectly well eat a vegetarian meal?

And if I host dinner to a vegetarian then I can expect them to just eat the non meat part of the dinner, surely. No need for separate courses.
Or take their own food.

That would definitely be fairer.

I have a friend who seems to flit between vegetarian/vegan/meat eater. Luckily she prefers me to visit her otherwise I'd struggle to eat with her.

My late grandmother's husband is similar, and my mum, having been a faithful vegetarian since age 15, would just pointedly go "So are you veggie this week DSD?"

As Garfield once said 'Fish lasagne, my favourite fruit!'
Great thread to read.
I often choose or cook veggie meals, rarely buy meat for myself but do for family visitors BUT would certainly not describe myself as a vegetarian. It's quite simple. I eat meat or fish occasionally so I'm NOT. Simples. What is it they don't get?

that's not cool at all. I understand why ur fuming. I would too. all that fucking effort.

just say I thought you were vegan?!

Wow Nancy - are you the guest or one like her?
The OP has tried to accommodate a guest's rather demanding dietary requirements, and said guest has just made a mockery of it all by deciding she would eat the fish after all, possibly throwing portions out because obviously the OP wouldn't have included her in the planning of how much fish was required.

Christ, I hope no one invites you out if you're that demanding yourself!

That would piss me off big time.

I wouldn't invite a vegan for dinner at all to be honest. Vegetarians I have no issue with and quite enjoy the challenge of cooking for, but a Vegan would just be a PITA and probably no fun anyway.

I consider myself vegetarian, but I do eat fish a few times a year. I travel a lot and dine with others a lot, often in work situations. Every so often I end up somewhere with zero veggie options, not even a side salad, so I order fish. It's not ideal, and if dining with friends I'll just skip the main meals for wine and dessert, but sometimes forcing down some salmon is preferable to making all your dining companions uncomfortable.

When eating out some compromises do have to be made. So many non-vegetarians never think about things like chicken stock, animal rennet in cheese or animal fat used for frying or in baking, so many things labelled veggie really aren't. Sometimes it's possible to work around this, sometimes you just have to make the best choices possible.

Personally I can't stand the taste of red meat or chicken, and I can just tolerate fish, but a lot of veggies and vegans still like the taste and are more practical about it. In my experience, vegans tend to have considerable overlap with people concerned about food waste. I know quite a few veggies and vegans who would never ever buy or request animal products for themselves, but would see no problem with eating those things if say, someone else didn't touch theirs and it was just going to be thrown out. So long as they aren't contributing to the demand for animal products, they see no problem with consuming them. I can see how that would rankle, but it's not illogical or unethical.

I'm vegetarian and no I don't eat fish. I do wear leather. I'm not a vegetarian for ethical reasons. I simply don't like the thought of eating flesh. I did try a few years ago to eat chicken for dietary reasons but just couldn't. I will happily cook meat for others though.

when vegetarians come for dinner you have to make a different meal for them

Or, horror of horrors, you could just serve food suitable for vegetarians to everyone, or if it's not hugely formal, serve a selection and let people help themselves.

Just make the food 90% vegetarian and a token option for those who can't eat a single meal without meat. Loads of cuisines work well for this, such as tapas, middle eastern, Indian etc.

I am not vegetarian by the way but agree with the principles and think a largely vegetarian diet with some meat and fish for those who want it is probably the best way, but in no way think meat is necessary for every meal.

I wouldn't be very happy and this type of thing is why places think it's ok to serve fish or ham in the vegetarian options.

Either be Vegan/Vegetarian or be a fussy bugger but use the proper label.

My DH has been vegetarian for nearly 30 years and his mum still thinks it's a phase he's going through.

SuburbanRhinda I do have time, because I have to be very visible throughtout the event. I go to bed after everyone else and I get up first. I am floating at all meals and as a result it is very easy to see what people are eating at breakfast.

Geezajammypeece , I've a friend who actually did fall off the veggie wagon when her dh was cooking himself a bacon roll one day. So I think there is some truth to it.

I turned veggie last year, been in numerous cafes and restaurants, ate meals out with family and friends, the smell of bacon doesn't make me want to eat two rolls anymore bother me now.

OP, you're fake vegan fish friend is an arse. I'm always very grateful when people cater to me, and make a point of saying thankyou to. Accidentally eating the odd thing with meat or gelatine in etc is fine, seriously you'd be suprised at what it's found in. . Catering for a veggie can be a fuss enough as it is, so to cater for a vegan even more so. For her to then eat Salmon in front of you. YNBU to be pissed off at the hypocrisy.

Are you throwing another dinner party any time soon? Do a full on vegan spread for everyone, in honour of fake vegan friend because she did so well at the last one.

Vegan stuff does tend to be more expensive though. My DS is lactose intolerant and I'll often buy him vegan treats when out as know they're dairy free etc.
So yes I'd be pissed off too at investing more money and time into someone who clearly wasn't serious about it.

Vegetarianism and veganism etc are not religions and no-one should be judged because they 'lapsed'. However if you are OK to sometimes have meat/fish/dairy then you shouldn't demand that a host make you a special menu. I never make myself non veggie food or order it when out but if I am a guest at someone's house I eat what is put in front of me, I don't insist that they make me a separate meal.

Geeza - I've also heard from vege friends that bacon is the one thing they really miss, crave, and are likely to fall off the wagon for!

Obviously if you are a strict veggie etc then of course tell your hosts!

She's not a vegan then, simple as that. It's totally not cool to eat ' a little bit'

She's a chegan. ( a vegan who cheats)

how annoying for you. If i went to a dinner party where someone had gone to the trouble of preparing a vegan meal
Id be hugely grateful. You should ask her if she's so flexible with a her beliefs and morals.

I eat mostly veggie food (but would not class myself as a veggie). I eat meat but mostly on weekends when we have time to cook.

I have proper veggie friends. When they come over for food we all eat veggie.

Veganism isn't a religion but it is a recognised belief, it is recognised in law. So whilst she can eat what she wants, she's not a vegan.

I'm not judging people for lapsing, I'm judging people for not understanding what the terms 'vegan' or vegetarian mean.

There are no shades of grey, it's black and white

If you eat meat occasionally as a treat then you are someone who eats only small amounts of meat, you are not a vegetarian

To a vegetarian flesh is a non food item, you would no more eat it for a treat than you would eat a pair of socks as a treat

Surely anymore who eats meat be it fish or chicken isnt a veggie! Never heard of id just have this (meat item) as a treat from a veggie. Im not a veggie but vvv rarely eat anything in the meat area but chicken and fish its like calling me a veggie. 😳 Op i can certainly understand why you cross especially as you spend ages preparing a meal she could eat.