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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

709 replies

isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 20:06

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

OP posts:
GarlicShake · 13/05/2016 23:49

One of my biggest dining faux pas - there have been many - was when I brought the soup for my vegan friend's vegan dinner party. She's a really good cook, I love her, and so I made a huge effort with this (soya) cream of mushroom soup. It was bloody brilliant. Wow, everyone said, this soup's fantastic! Thanks, I said, I really put the effort into this. Simmered a chicken for 2 days to get the stock right.

­
­

­

Shock Shock Blush

I really hadn't thought it through!

They finished it, though.

gabbyevs · 13/05/2016 23:50

A friend is vegan but not on animal welfare grounds. He finds the consumption of flesh or substances such as eggs or milk repulsive so doesn't do it. He wears leather though. I'm not sure how usual or unusual he is. I don't take much notice of people's dietary habits and he doesn't go on about it. I only know that about him because someone tediously challenged him on his animal-loving credentials because he had a leather jacket. He explained how and why they'd got it wrong. He was a lot funnier about it than they were too. I think they thought they were being clever when they started but I bet well before the end of it they wish they'd never asked.

That's obviously not the same as OP's fish-eating vegan but might clear up why some non meat eaters wear fur."

how was that explained sorry im issing something

EverySongbirdSays · 13/05/2016 23:50

Oooo I have two of these types.

Vegan Friend once dragged me round the entire city in like December, it was freezing because THERE WAS NOWHERE SHE COULD EEEEEEAAAAAATTT I suggested two places but she wouldn't eat there because their only vegan option was falafel and she had falafel YEEESSSSTTTEEERRDDAY - ruled out obvious choice vegan friendly place on the basis that she and DP had once heard a friend of the owner make an admittedly objectionable misogynist comment there and he hadn't been kicked out Hmm

I can't remember where we ended up in the end. But I respected that she took it seriously.

Flashforward a year and we went out for a Christmas meal and she ordered something with Goats Cheese, because she just HAD TO as a TREAT and I nodded but deep down I was fuming because all I could think about was the day I was hungry and had traipsed about for hours freezing my nips off trying to accommodate
her.

I have Vegeterian friend who calls herself "a vegetarian who eats chicken" who outright threw a strop on my birthday when me and her DH refused to get the vegetarian set menu as a Chinese banquet because she eats chicken and we are both meat eaters. Hmm

And yes, I am still friends with both. Shock

SuburbanRhonda · 13/05/2016 23:53

They put vegan or vegetarian on the special diet section of the form, then surprise surprise you find them eating the full English at breakfast. I always call them on it and they always say it's just an occasional "treat".

Seriously? You organise conferences and you have to time to check out if the vegan delegate eats a vegan breakfast? Surely you've got better things to be doing with your time?

Hmm
Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 23:59

Cooking meat can be time consuming and you need to know how to cook it properly or otherwise whats the point. Slamming a chicken into the oven is not cooking you might as well eat it raw it won't taste good at all.

My partner is a snob when it comes to food whether he is a vegetarian or not. He likes to eat well.

potatoscowls · 13/05/2016 23:59

being a vegan who sometimes eats fish/eggs etc is like being a married bachelor or a god-fearing atheist - not possible.

glassgarden · 14/05/2016 00:01

I always call them on it and they always say it's just an occasional "treat

to a vegan meat is anathema...not a treat

Legendofthephoenix · 14/05/2016 00:06

My vegan neighbours don't like to give their cat proper cat food half the time it looks scraggly and ill. The cat has been kidnapped twice in the hope of rescuing it and giving it to a loving owner. As soon as they get the cat back they feed him good cat food and after a little while the cat looks scraggly again. Thats how much meat repulses them they can't even feed their cat properly its a joke.

Breadandwine · 14/05/2016 00:14

I'm with you, GG.

Maybe your friend, OP, is tentatively putting her feet in the vegan waters, so to speak - and your salmon looked so lovely that it tempted her to try it! Confused

Whatever, kudos to you for pulling out all the stops for your friend. After your cooking practice today you'll find it much easier next time you host a vegan. (Hope for your sake it's a real one next time! Grin)

GarlicShake · 14/05/2016 00:17

Bloody hell, phoenix, that's terrible :( A cat is an obligate carnivore. There shouldn't even be any cereal in cat food, though there is.

Can't you persuade them to get a dog instead? Dogs can be veggie.

Potatoface2 · 14/05/2016 00:17

is nearly the same as some one i know.....a diabetic who drinks normal cola, eats cakes and keeps an 'emergency twix' in her bag.....laughable!

BarbaraofSeville · 14/05/2016 00:18

paxlin. The people who come to dinner are not vegetarians. They are attention seeking idiots.

I've never understood why many people who claim to eat fish as if it somehow doesn't really count as flesh.

Most fishing looks worse from an ethical standpoint than beef or lamb, which is generally less intensively reared and killed more quickly.

Family salmon and prawns is often very low welfare standards.

gabbyevs · 14/05/2016 00:18

thats cruel legend cats need meat theyre not like us

NancyPiecrust · 14/05/2016 00:23

Hmm to the person who said the OP has been really accommodating to prepare so many different options...yes she has wanted to be seen to have been, but she's not actually been very gracious about it it, tolerant or respectful towards her guests.
In fact I would say it was a pretty awful dinner party host who reads out bitchy comments from an internet forum thread about someone who just left the dinner party (who is probably only trying to improve themselves/the environment/animal welfare overall by trying a diet that is less heavy in animal products, and had a little slip up.)

Who knows her reasons for going Vegan or trying to be Vegan....Who are you to judge her? She may have just been transitioning to Veganism or trying it out - what's wrong with that? It's very brave and good challenge to try it but not everyone can get it right 100% of the time.
If I was present at your dinner party OP and was witness to the after dinner show of making fun of 'The Vegan' after she left then I wouldn't be going back to your house again, for fear of what you'd criticise or make fun of about me next time behind my back ! It's really not that difficult to make a Vegan option, it's just vegetables, salad, grains etc. You don't have to make something super fancy.
You are angry at yourself for making all the effort, which you obviously resented from the word go - she didn't hold a gun to your head whilst you churned the bloody mushroom pate by hand, sweating & grunting with every grind of the pestle and mortar ! You did ask !
She's not a Vegan if she eats fish no but maybe she just didn't want to eat animal flesh or other animal products and it was easier to say Vegan when you asked. You're not the eating police, get another hobby rather than bitching about & judging your dinner party guests after they leave, in front of other guests - the height of bad manners IMHO.
Did she sit there bitching about what a hypocrite you were for having a pet cat/dog/bird and yet eating cows or and judging out loud what you chose to put in your mouth the entire evening? If yes maybe you ANBU to feel the same but really...how about put your energy into enjoying your dinner party guests instead instead of ridiculing them during it online and after amongst the rest of the guests !

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/05/2016 00:26

One of my husbands relatives did this. Met for dinner at a Japanese restaurant, she announced she had gone vegan then proceeded to order sashimi aka raw fish. Nearly went blind that night, I rolled my eyes so much.

EverySongbirdSays · 14/05/2016 00:36

Erm, potato that's not laughable at all, diabetics NEED to do that for when they go hypo or they will die.

www.diabetes.co.uk/what-is-a-hypo.html

clarinsgirl · 14/05/2016 00:37

YANBU. Your friend is not a vegan, she's just annoying. Asking a friend to make separate food for you just because you feel like it is entitled and selfish. In your position I'd challenge her and certainly never invite her again.

Angrybird234 · 14/05/2016 00:37

Are you for real Nancy? Food costs money, and the OP has taken time, effort and money to ensure that her guest has something to eat that meets her dietary requirements. How about the guest show her hostess a bit of respect by not tucking into food that wasn't actually prepared for her because she's bust a gut to make an alternative?
Someone else's home isn't the place for experimenting with different dietary requirements.

IWasToldTheredBeCake · 14/05/2016 00:39

Legend Grin

squoosh · 14/05/2016 00:39

Nancy is clearly a 'vegan' who gets stuck into the animal flesh when at someone else's home.

squoosh · 14/05/2016 00:41

Seriously, that's one lengthy diatribe............

squoosh · 14/05/2016 00:43

she didn't hold a gun to your head whilst you churned the bloody mushroom pate by hand, sweating & grunting with every grind of the pestle and mortar

Grin Grin

Goodness me!

Legendofthephoenix · 14/05/2016 00:48

gabbyevs it's not my cat my partner tried to give him kitty cat food but they stamped on it and smudged it everywhere. I had a tutor coming to my house to teach my dd it was him who kidnapped the cat and called RSPCA. My tutor had to return the cat I never saw such a healthy looking cat. They had to start feeding it properly maybe the RSPCA were watching them. This was 1 year ago he is now back to his scraggly self again. I have given him meat from my fridge I hide it in their bush in their front garden so he will find it.

GarlicShake · 14/05/2016 01:00

Aw, bless you Phoenix :)

blindsider · 14/05/2016 01:04

when vegetarians come for dinner you have to make a different meal for them, when you go to dinner at their house do they cook meat for you? Do they fuck!