Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

709 replies

isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 20:06

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

OP posts:
serin · 13/05/2016 22:31

DH has been vegetarian since he was 4 and discovered what meat was.
He is 56 now.
Nobody knows.
He doesn't like to make a fuss.
There is so much lovely veggie stuff out there that even a vegan can eat without making a fuss.
A lot of them choose to make a fuss.

Original poster
isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 22:33

So we're done with dinner and she's gone. I'm reading out all of your comments to our remaining guests who don't do Mumsnet and think this whole thing is hilarious. I was really mean though. I did have some vegan ice cream in the freezer and vegan chocolate sauce (for any vegans on the thread dark choc and oat cream) but I gave her some fruit salad. Stupid bitch. May be a little bit drunk on my no vegan wine

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2016 22:35

That's why I asked squoosh. I guess OP will say the guest asked her to provide vegan food for her. That would be rude. Mushroom pate wouldn't set my tastebuds alight, so you could have mine. But then I'm not vegan Smile.

Liiinooo · 13/05/2016 22:36

My DS was veggie for a while and quite militant strict about it including not wearing leather shoes and giving out to those of us who did wear leather shoes. She was also into long distance running at the time and someone commented that the brand of running shoe she preferred were mostly leather. In a tone of withering contempt she corrected them - 'They are not leather' they are kangaroo. '

ScrambledSmegs · 13/05/2016 22:37

I know a few 'vegetarians' who don't eat meat because they just don't like the taste/texture. They eat cheese made with rennet, and things made with gelatine. One has a weakness for seriously cheap and nasty sausages.

For some people it's not an ethical thing, but just a simple way to explain picky eating. Annoying when you've spent ages planning and cooking a truly veggie/vegan menu, but not the end of the world.

Original poster
isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 22:39

theclick I used a mix of portobello (2) and chestnut (small tub) and fried in vitalite, garlic and parsley and chives. Chopped up nice and small and lid off so liquid evaporates. I popped half of it in a stick blender tub with a tablespoon of violife creamy (use Philly if not vegan and butter to fry) and then mix it with the rest and pop in fridge. If you don't fridge it you can use as a stir in pasta sauce as well but needs to be warm otherwise it goes a bit hard xx

OP posts:
paulapantsdown · 13/05/2016 22:43

I can't stand vegans.

I had to cater for a work type thing once in my home, and had lots of veggie and meat eater options, and then one of the people announced, 10 minutes before I dished it all up, that she was a vegan. I had to scrabble around to find something to feed her - she should have told me the day before when I bloody asked about dietery requirements.

i got my revenge though when it came to the huge victoria sponge cake (with cream) was served. She was drooling when she saw it and held out her plate for a serving. I wouldn't let her have any because obviously it had eggs and butter in so she couldn't possibly want some! Her face was a picture of dissapointment as we all tucked in.

Original poster
isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 22:43

limitedperiodonly I asked everyone when I emailed. Shouldn't have been so polite but I've been caught out before when a friend bought a date who was vegan and didn't tell us ConfusedConfusedConfused

OP posts:
paulapantsdown · 13/05/2016 22:44

correction - I cant sand vegans who make a fuss

which is most of them

Ginkypig · 13/05/2016 22:51

carabos but for the purposes of vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian labels/debate fish and meat are separated. In fact that is the difference between a vegetarian and a pescatarian!

as in I'm not vegetarian I'm a pescatarian because I eat fish but I don't eat meat.

I know I'm a pescatarian but my second sentence explained why I I tend not to use the term as often.

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2016 22:52

So she asked you to provide her with vegan food? I thought you might say that. Oh well, never mind. Just don't have her back. Unless you enjoy the laughs.

Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 22:57

Does she know what a vegan is? Confused

Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 23:02

My next door neighbour are vegans and my partner always comments on their shoes, car seat, the beer he drinks, the clothes they wear, the sweets their children eat I could go on forever. I don't know how anyone can say they are vegan and animal friendly. I think many vegans look like hypocrites and sound insane.

WriteforFun1 · 13/05/2016 23:12

Id have called her out on it
You don't specify dietary requirements and then ignore them. It's not too late to tell her, that was damn rude.

wejammin · 13/05/2016 23:12

I'm vegan and I really hope people don't hate me. I never really mention it unless it's directly relevant (eg asked about dietary requirements). I have no issue with other people's personal food choices. DH and DCs eat meat when they want.

I do think though that people shouldn't be criticised for trying and occasionally "failing". If someone describes themselves as a veggie who eats fish once a week, then in my view that's a much better effort (in my opinion re. environmental impact) than not bothering. Lots of people diet but have a treat day. Depending on the reasons for making those choices, who are we to judge.

I'm vegan for environmental and health reasons. I don't deny that animal products are v tasty and it does take willpower to abstain.

Having said that, YANBU on this occasion!

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2016 23:16

A friend is vegan but not on animal welfare grounds. He finds the consumption of flesh or substances such as eggs or milk repulsive so doesn't do it. He wears leather though. I'm not sure how usual or unusual he is. I don't take much notice of people's dietary habits and he doesn't go on about it. I only know that about him because someone tediously challenged him on his animal-loving credentials because he had a leather jacket. He explained how and why they'd got it wrong. He was a lot funnier about it than they were too. I think they thought they were being clever when they started but I bet well before the end of it they wish they'd never asked.

That's obviously not the same as OP's fish-eating vegan but might clear up why some non meat eaters wear fur.

TheSanFranciscoKid · 13/05/2016 23:18

DH has been vegetarian since he was 4 and discovered what meat was. He is 56 now.Nobody knows.

Confused

How does that work when you go to a friend's for dinner and they give him a plate of fish? He just deposits it around in various pot plants? Friends really don't notice that never eats meat?

AerithEarling · 13/05/2016 23:24

I suppose she is trying to be vegan.
I tried to cut out pork and red meat but I did buy a salami sandwich from subway a couple days ago. These things take time.
At least she ate your mushroom pate

glassgarden · 13/05/2016 23:25

a vegan cannot eat fish anymore than a circle can be square
it's a logical impossibility

she is not a vegan

Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 23:26

My partner was a vegetarian before he met me and he found it to be a very expensive way of eating. He only eat like that for 2 years.

I don't judge anyone who chooses to become a vegan or vegetarian it's up to you what you put in your body. I'm a meat eater that's my choice. My next door neighbours daughter told my dd about how killing animals is wrong and they were 7 or 8 at the time. After the little girl went home we asked our dd does she like McDonald's but it has meat in it and she said yes. I don't think she took much notice of her. When its a hot blistering day and we put a bbq on next door closes all windows and doors.

RaeSkywalker · 13/05/2016 23:27

Yeah, she's not a vegan if she eats fish. She's not even a vegetarian. She's a pescetarian.

I'm a vegetarian (no meat, no fish, no gelatine, etc). I have been for 15 years, since I was 13. It winds me up no end when people claim to be veggie or vegan but then abandon their 'principles' because something looks tasty. This is part of the reason why people like my MIL believe that vegetarianism/ veganism are just posh ways of saying 'fussy eater'. I lived with at uni who was 'vegetarian' but had turkey on Christmas Day as a "reward"
For being good all year, ate fish, and when I declined a dessert because it had gelatine in it said "wow, you're a proper vegetarian aren't you!" - yet when we were out she'd be making a fuss about how she was veggie Hmm

I do have a lot of respect for vegans, it's not easy to do (I tried for a bit).

OP, you've been really hospitable tonight, it was lovely of you to prepare all that separate food!

glassgarden · 13/05/2016 23:32

she sounds like a person who believes she ought to reduce her consumption of animal products but she also enjoys eating flesh and lacks the will power to resist it

I'm surprised that she can mistake herself for a vegan, I mean it's not that hard to define is it

glassgarden · 13/05/2016 23:35

I'm a vegetarian...I dont eat flesh because I find it revolting

if you find being vegetarian expensive compared to eating meat then you must be eating some real cheap meat and/or not have the nous to prepare good simple vegetarian food!

gabbyevs · 13/05/2016 23:46

had similar the other day all went out with a request for a veggie meal

all sat down asked who the veggie was-woman with her hand up oh thats me but i fine with fish

youre not a fing veg then!

paxillin · 13/05/2016 23:46

I have learned to clarify when vegetarians come to dinner. I know one who eats chicken, one who eats no meat other than sausages and several who eat fish.

Swipe left for the next trending thread