AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

[isitginoclock]

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

I'm not impressed with the food and/or language police on here

We're heartbroken, I'm sure.

borderline harassment by hardline militant pedant vegans/veggies of 9 year old making food choices

No one criticised her food choices, just her choice of the label "vegetarian" when she wasn't one.

I can handle sarcasm, but it's the blatant bullying of some posters that I take issue with. And of their child's food choices and self-description to boot!

Why cannot a vegan or veggie say, "I am a Xxxx" as a general rule .And on another day say, " I am usually a xxxxx but today I am going to eat meat/fish/dairy/whatever"? It's a personal choice. If tomorrow I want to define myself as x, y, or z, that is up to me.

I do think the dinner party guest should clearly have identified herself properly according to what she would and would not eat.

Suburban, the child is a vegetarian unless you were asking them on Christmas day.. .

It's hard enough for kids with special dietary requirements or minority food choices, without being harassed or harangued for using a particular word, in most opinions correct anyway, by overly hardline philosophy subscribers.

I don't think these people are doing the veg cause any favours. Indeed, you may be perpetuating adverse stereotypes.

People do seem uniquely critical of vegetarians/vegans/pescetarians, what they eat, what they don't eat, what they wear.

To me, this would be like a woman saying she was on a diet, but then saying at dinner (having been given a specially prepared salad), oh go on then, give me a little try of the delish pasta in cream sauce and a tiny bit of that cake, or whatever.

Not really something to get that outrageously offended about, maybe a tiny bit miffed, but that's all.

I think people see veganism as others 'trying to be virtuous' rather than an individual choice, and then take it as an indirect criticism against them. Course that's not helped when some vegans/veggies bang on about the ethics etc - but hey ho. Each to to their own.

Mean old bullies, so cruel to the poor vegans whose only crime is eating fish! His dare anyone say a word to them?

Well, why does it upset you so much?

You posted sarky comments x100 on this thread. Live and let live.

I am usually a xxxxx but today I am going to eat meat/fish/dairy/whatever

It's nice to have confirmation that vegetarians/vegans are just fussy eaters making a fuss.

That's really strange is shes vegan she shouldn't be eating any animal foods. I can totally understand your frustration, maybe you should bring up the issue with her see what she says.

Ricardian you misinterpret me. I never said anyone was a fussy eater. I said its personal choice, individual to each person, except where there are allergies for example.

And Penguin, the veg bullies were bullying Offred and veg child. Let's all play fair.

My gay friend told me she knows several men who define themselves as straight but who sometimes sleep with men. I cannot comment, but it's really up to them to define what they call themselves.

Nobody was bullying veg child, not least because you can't be bullied by people when you are unaware of either their existence or the conversation.
Pointing out someone isn't vegetarian even if they label themselves so is not bullying, its just logic.

If we can all define everything the way we want without recourse to facts, logic or language rules, how could anyone ever have a meaningful conversation?

If you look back through the thread and see how many times Offred was demanded to justify why her child doesn't say, "I don't eat meat or fish", and how many posts went on and on about her child's self description and how she cannot call herself a vegetarian, then that is what I mean by bullying. And yes, you can be bullied by association, the injured party being Offred on behalf of her child. It's a low thing to do, to criticise a child to its parent, when neither has done anything wrong. I'm all for a good debate, I just feel this one got unnecessarily strident.

And making statements like " If we can all define everything the way we want without recourse to facts, logic or language rules, how could anyone ever have a meaningful conversation?"... where do I begin?

Who said anything about defining everything? Or not referring to facts, logic or language rules? And how would that even translate to not having a meaningful conversation? What a load of Tosh.
Calm down with the drama, Penguin. You are taking this oh so personally, like a young child you don't even know has broken the so called laws of food preference labelling, and ruined your life in the process. Just let people be who they want to/say they are. It's no skin off your nose, besides an irk to your pedantry. And no need to get all arsey with alternative views to your own, either. There is always two sides to a debate.


No there aren't. Vegans don't eat fish. There are not two sides to that debate, unless you mean the right side and the stupid side
I'll ignore the weird personal attack and assume you're either tired or drunk.

So a self-proclaimed (and recent, going by the OP) vegan ate fish. So what? It doesn't harm you as individual. It doesn't devalue the vegan movement as a whole. The vegan who ate fish once maybe doing a good thing (environmentally, and arguably ethically) by not eating animal products as much.

Why does it upset you so much? More than say, a person on a diet eating a cream cake?

Or a smoker who's given up and had a fag on night out?

I don't understand your incredible angst.

No angst. Just a bored woman with nothing better to do. Bit like yourself, clearly.
It doesn't upset me at all. I'm merely pointing out that vegans don't eat fish. It shouldn't be necessary for anyone to point it out but it appears it is, so I will.
What's your problem with that?

No angst. Just a bored woman with nothing better to do

Fair enough, speak for yourself, though. I'm not bored, and I've not posted the same thing a zillion times on this thread

Ok - vegans don't eat fish. Say it a again, a few more times. Gwan.

^^

fatandold

Please feel free to report any or all posts in which you believe offred has been bullied.

If offred didn't want anyone to disagree with her about her daughter describing herself as vegetarian, perhaps she shouldn't have brought her daughter into the conversation in the first place.

Dairy seems more cruel to me than much seafood, or wild venison or rabbit. So I can see how someone might describe themselves as vegan for convenience sake yet eat mussels or wild salmon occasionally.

I'd be irritated in the op's shoes, however.

Suburban

Please feel free to report any or all posts in which you believe offred has been bullied."

It's numerous posts a campaign, but I think it's up to Offred to make the decision to report. She may return and say she is thick skinned and doesn't care! I have said my piece fwiw.

"If offred didn't want anyone to disagree with her about her daughter describing herself as vegetarian, perhaps she shouldn't have brought her daughter into the conversation in the first place."

Really? Just really?

Disagreement is a major and acceptable part of this forum. Haranguing repeatedly is not (or shouldn't be, which is why I commented on it).

My DS has SN and eats a very limited diet. Unless you bought him the only brand of chicken nuggets he will eat, he is basically a vegetarian.

Do I say he's a vegetarian? No. Because he isn't.

If you don't eat meat most of the time but you do occasionally, you're not a vegetarian. You're someone who doesn't eat much meat.

With all due respect to offreds daughter it wasn't the fact she eats meat on Christmas Day that means she can't can't herself veggie. It's the fact she eats cheese with rennet in it and eats sweets with gelatine. Both animal products and there not vegetarian. That's what people were pointing about.

Therefore it was more correct to say I don't eat meat or fish but not able to say I am a vegetarian

For the sake of convenience, saying you're vegetarian is fine - especially if you're a child. Saying 'I don't eat meat except at Christmas maybe and the odd Haribo' is rather long-winded where full discussion isn't necessary. Besides, if you're vegetarian for ethical reasons surely it's preferable that someone very rarely eats miniscule amounts of animal - they're more vegetarian than not by far, more in the club than not.