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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to breast feed?

551 replies

LouBlue1507 · 13/05/2016 07:41

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby. Shock

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

OP posts:
Imaspecialsnowflake1 · 13/05/2016 11:02

Cerseirys they didn't feel comfortable taking a cluster feeding baby out and neither did I. Good on you if you did!

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QforCucumber · 13/05/2016 11:07

future different ones must say different things, I have a carton of aptamil powder in front of me and it states 'feed immediately. Make up each feed as required. Do not store made up feeds, discard all unused feeds asap and always within 2 hours'

BumWad · 13/05/2016 11:09

I found pregnancy gross. Do I need to grow up too

Yes.

Choice words from the OP clearly points to this thread being started to gain some MN action rather than for genuine discussion. Biscuit

KnitsBakesAndReads · 13/05/2016 11:12

People want women fighting each other and blaming and insulting and declaring how they were JUDGED and now feel like the worst mother in the world

But I firmly believe this 'schism' is mainly driven by the need for some people to have a massive ruck on a daily basis.

I think you're probably right Mrs. Discussions seem to get ridiculously heated online. In real life I've had a few odd comments about my decision to BF, but generally people are just not that interested.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/05/2016 11:19

pregnancy is gross Grin

the sweating, the wind, the constant jeed for the toilet, not forgetting all the glamour of swelling and discolouration on various private body parts.

gross is tame descriptionGrin

TigerPath · 13/05/2016 11:19

I think you owe it to your baby to at least try. There are so many benefits to baby. If you can't, or find it too difficult, that's different, but deciding not to even attempt it is bizarre. When it comes to it you might love breastfeeding, all your worries/feelings of disgust might change.

Or you could express?

I exclusively expressed for a while, then did a combination of breastfeeding and formula feeding as that suited us best.

Give it a shot, you might find it enjoyable!

Dontneedausername · 13/05/2016 11:22

I think you owe it to yourself to do what you want. You owe it to your baby to feed them, however that may be.
Not everyone wants to.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 11:24

Bumwad

Why is it unacceptable to find pregnancy and breastfeeding gross?

Cornettoninja · 13/05/2016 11:25

See what I mean about the differences Grin

No matter what you do with a newborn there are strong conflicting opinions both ways (I'm having the when to wean onto solids at the moment...). Important to note that people on both sides have healthy happy kids so it'll be decided partly by you and partly by your baby - don't discount that little begger scuppering your plans either way. It's not unknown for a newborn to refuse a bottle, you might find yourself BF because that's what works...

We went with making up 2ozs with boiled water then measuring out the rest in another bottle (because the instructions are so adamant about adding the powder to water not the other way round) then topping up with cooled boiled water.

Honestly I was in the throes of manically inspecting every millimetre of my baby in the first few weeks that there's no way I was in a state of mind to just 'chance it'. I don't think that's unusual for a brand new inexperienced mum.

Fortunately for me no one gives a shiny shite about sterile tits Grin

TheABC · 13/05/2016 11:26

Have not read the rest of the thread, but OP YABU to choose to formula feed. I am a breastfeeding advocate, but I don't believe in a one size fits all solution. Breastfeeding, formula or mixed - thank gods we have the choice to feed our babies safely according to our circumstances.

Enjoy the newborn snuggles.

Wineandpopcorn · 13/05/2016 11:27

I never breast fed any of my 3 children, as I didn't want to and I don't like the idea of it. Nothing wrong at all with not breast feeding, do what feels right for you

squoosh · 13/05/2016 11:28

deciding not to even attempt it is bizarre.

No it isn't. What a silly thing to say.

Only1scoop · 13/05/2016 11:33

It's not 'bizarre' to me in the slightest.

How judgemental and narrow minded.

corythatwas · 13/05/2016 11:34

I can understand that if it's a physical aversion to being touched in a certain place you may not actually be able to do anything about this. It is clearly not about judgmentalism or prejudice on your part, OP.

I have a thing with not liking to be touched on my thigh. It's not even psychological in any way: I have no particular associations with the thigh, nobody has ever hurt me or abused me through that part of my body, but any pressure put on there and I would scream. If breastfeeding had to be done through the thigh, my children would have been bottle fed. Bizarre or not, there are things that are not in my gift.

ShowOfHands · 13/05/2016 11:34

As always, I agree with MrsDV. As with everything, the vast majority are reasonable and normal and there are a few facetious twonks. Such is life. But ahhh, the beauty of an AIBU bf vs ff ruckus. In reality, there's no vs, no ruckus, just feeding and a few wankers with weird opinions who don't rightly represent anything but have their schtick artificially inflated until IT'S NOT POISON or YOU'RE SELFISH NOT TO TRY are held up as somehow representative of even a minority opinion. It's trace fuckwittery and these threads just serve as an exercise in frothing.

DixieNormas · 13/05/2016 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clarella · 13/05/2016 11:37

You do get an oxytocin high from bfing (once you feel things are going ok and barring any issues, which can be helped with the right advice) which is quite addictive. (Which makes sense from and evolution PoV!). It doesn't feel like how it would feel if anyone did anything like that before baby comes (iykwim).

Some mums later on get feeding aversion with monthly hormones. Again probably a way to produce the next baby!

Loooookherenow · 13/05/2016 11:45

I agree about this thread being read for the fun of an argument.

90-95% of the posts will say "whatever you do is fine" but will be ignored. The rest will be latched Wink onto with great delight by one set of people or another as enjoyable proof that "They" are all nasty/stupid/arrogant/selfish not like me ( "they" being either people who BF or people who FF depending on the reader).

It's depressing.

Loooookherenow · 13/05/2016 11:48

I think the "you will get flamed" posts are especially sad (collectively) as it's posts like that that mean new mums learn about the concept of "nasty BFers" possibly before they've ever met a single BFer let alone done it themselves yet.

It sets up a situation where anything a BF mum then says to them IRL is then seen as tainted by bias or ideology because they've got this idea in advance that the world is full of nasty people judging anyone who doesn't BF. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 11:49

You're not alone OP - in choosing not to breastfeed you're not unique or doing anything particularly shocking or radical.

And as you can see from this thread - most people here think how a baby is fed is of no significance to health and development. And actually most UK mums don't breastfeed for more than a few weeks anyway.

squoosh · 13/05/2016 11:50

I don't think many people give a shiny shit in rl

Exactly. If you asked me which of my close friends breast fed and which formula fed it would take me a while to remember. And I'd probably get a couple wrong.

onecurrantbun1 · 13/05/2016 11:50

My lovely friend ff her little girl from birth. It isn't a choice I would have personally made, as bfing is something I really wanted to do for myself and my DC, but as an intelligent woman she has made the right choice for her family's personal circumstances. She is a wonderful mum and I'm so proud of her. She is every inch as responsive a mother as I am (DD3 is a few weeks younger than her DD). I think many of the benefits of bfing are due to it being, by its nature, "on demand", rather than the regimented 4-hourly bottle feeds which some parenting books recommend. You can still ff on demand! Obviously the antibodies cannot be replicated, but as with anything you weigh it all up and at the end of the day we live in a country and age where ffing is safe, hygienic and affordable.

YABU to start a thread on it though - have the confidence in your (perfectly valid) choice

t1mum · 13/05/2016 11:55

Anecdote doesn't equal evidence and all that, but my DC who was least breastfed of my 3 (borderline prem and never managed to latch on correctly/no sucking reflex) unfortunately suffers from a number of health conditions that have a higher incidence in formula fed babies.

That's not to say that he would be fine if we had achieved bf (rather than combination of expressed and ff). But I know in my heart that I tried everything I could in the face of opposition to try to bf him. And that I've done everything else I can within my personal limits to try to keep my children healthy.

Ultimately breastfeeding might not happen for you. And it is completely your right to say that you don't want to. As you become a parent you are going to be faced with millions of decisions about your child's health and lifestyle and you'll have to balance your needs/your child's needs etc. Sometimes you'll need to make the decision between two health issues (e.g. whether better to feed formula to a baby that is becoming dehydrated or to keep hanging on for the milk to come in). Whether to BF or not is is just one of those decisions.

If you have any doubts about whether you might want to bf or not, then there are plenty of organisations that can help you work through your feelings about it being "gross". If you are sure you don't want to, then fine.

teafortoads · 13/05/2016 11:57

I thought the same until my tiny little squidgelet helped herself to boob and never looked back. They were such a source of comfort to her/so handy/cheap to run etc. I am completely shocked I managed to breast feed at all let alone for a year. The first outing of Le Boob in public was a bit terrifying but i just copied when another lady was breast feeding her baby in the same café we were in (She will never know how much she helped me get over that fear!). Soon enough i was wapping them out wherever (subtly i hasten to add!). Do what is right for you and your baby and don't worry what others think. As long as the baby is fed and you are both well and happy then that is all that matters in the long run. (My boobs now look like a pair of forlorn withered pita breads. I fear they may never recover, but breast feeding was amazing at getting my baby flub off!)