To not want to breast feed?

[LouBlue1507]

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby.

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

"But I know in my heart that I tried everything I could in the face of opposition to try to bf him. And that I've done everything else I can within my personal limits to try to keep my children healthy."

That is very wise. As a parent you do the best (within your personal limits) you can to keep your child healthy and to make them happy. That is all you can reasonably do as a parent.

Yanbu.

I felt the same but in the end decided to give BF a try.

I'll be honest - I hated it. I did it for three days. The baby was upset, I was upset, oh was upset because he couldn't do anything to help either of us.

It was horrendous. None of us slept, the baby wasn't satisfied, but was also lazy and as soon as you put a boob near his face he went to sleep on it.

I must be a shit mum because I swapped to formula! My baby is now happy, satisfied, gaining weight as he should. He's settled and in a nice routine. But maybe I should have persevered and starved the poor boy because it's 'best'

Also just to add to the pp who said the bonding experience is non existent with ff babies - bollocks to that!

My baby is currently snuggled on me after his feed. He ALWAYS stares into my eyes and grabs my finger or hair and is always close to me before during and after feeding.
I don't think we're any less close than we would be if he was BF!!

Ah the OP got their way then? Bravo! Why people still fall for this goady topic is beyond me.

Callalilli - please read post correctly.

'So sorry totally disagree with the constant crap spouted about the wonders and joy of breast feeding!'

I never said breast feeding was a rubbish concept, and know the sound research, WHO etc, etc. It's the constant banging on about it being a wonderful experience and the only way to bond, enjoy the whole new mum experience - total crap which does a dis-service to women who genuinely can't go down this route.

FF does not make anyone a bad mother &, in my case, if I had had the milk, the effects of the drugs I HAD to take would have been passed on to my son. Please don't start with replies about breast milk filtering out toxins etc - doctors, consultants and midwives supported and agreed with my INFORMED decision. Think what the curry you had last night does to your baby's bowel movements?!

Crap referred to is that spouted by people with no understanding of the position many women find themselves in - support not vilification would be nice for those who don't conform to the apparent abundance of 'perfect women and mothers'!

But please don't say this stuff to pregnant women because it makes out that breastfeeding is this dreamy, lovely experience. Which means that, if/when they do find it hard, they feel like they're failing and can't understand what they're doing wrong.

Wouldn't it be better if everyone was just free to share their own experiences? If BF goes well it can be a "lovely dreamy experience" and knowing that might be helpful to a woman deciding whether to BF or not. Equally, being made aware that it can be tough to establish BF is important to make sure mums are ready for possible difficulties and don't feel that they're failing if it isn't easy from day one.

Yep, works every bloody time, gamerchick

Hi Ladies!

Sorry I've not replied, after only an hours sleep last night, I fell asleep again! Was lovely!

Thanks for all your opinions! It's been interesting to hear there are other women who felt like I did but changed their mind!
I will keep an open mind and maybe I'll change my mind too! If not then I'll try expressing the first few feeds.

It's sad that people think this thread was started for fun, I genuinely wanted to hear different opinions as my cousin is the only person I know who has breast fed. Many of you have suggested to make an informed decision, yet asking about BFing on MN is causing trouble Pathetic!

To those of you who don't like the word 'gross', get over it. It's a word. I've not called anyone else it, or anything they do. It sums up how I feel about myself.

I think breast feeding is a huge commitment because it can be bloody hard work and to stick it out and battle through all the rough parts does take commitment.

The first 8 weeks of my BF journey were hell. I was constantly exhausted, DS fed about 13-15 times a day, my nipples were sore and blistered and I was in a very dark place. I sought out help from many, many different sources and with perseverance things improved and by the time DS was 3 months old everything was on track.

But the commitment still follows as for 6 months his nourishment was solely my responsibility and the sleep deprivation due to regular overnight feeds was really, really hard. I wasn't chained to the house but I could never have any time to myself. The first time I was away from DS was when he was 7 months old and even then it was only for 4 hours because I had to get back for the next feed.

I didn't have a night out with friends until he was 9 months old and even then I only lasted about 5 hours before I had to go home and pump as my boobs were agony.

When I went back to work when DS was 10 months old I had to start expressing milk, doing it three times a day whilst at work and that took a lot of commitment too.

I did it though because I always wanted DS to be breast fed.

He's 2 now and is still breast fed and breast feeding a toddlers comes with a whole host of its own issues and sometimes I feel frustrated about those issues but I do it because I truly believe in the benefits of breast milk into early childhood.

Overall though, breast feeding has been fantastic though, it's had its highs and lows but it was a sacrifice I was prepared to make.

The last two years of my life though have required a lot of commitment to breast feeding though otherwise I probably would have stopped a very long time ago.

But please don't say this stuff to pregnant women because it makes out that breastfeeding is this dreamy, lovely experience. Which means that, if/when they do find it hard, they feel like they're failing and can't understand what they're doing wrong.
I struggled to breastfeed my first DD. Now with my second four weeks in we are going from strength to strength with BF and it had been a lovely experience. I'll shout it from the rooftops if it'll give mothers on the fence or doubting themselves the confidence to give breastfeeding a go. You don't know if you will have a good experience or not unless you try it. Just because I am encouraging one doesn't mean I condemn the other.

Also, bed sharing is absolutely fine as long as you follow the 'rules' to keep it safe.

Dee you sound very aggressive and defensive in your posts- no one is saying anyone is a bad mother for ff. It's absolutely the mothers choice how to feed her baby, however, breastfeeding is best for baby if possible to do it and IS a wonderful bonding experience- if someone can't or even if they just don't want to, they should have all the facts and support to make that informed decision. It doesn't make anyone a bad mother but you seem to be vilifying breastfeeding advocates ...

"Many of you have suggested to make an informed decision, yet asking about BFing on MN is causing trouble" - LouBlue1507, it's just that the thread is in AIBU and therefore seems like it is looking to start a bunfight. They happen a lot.

There is a specific topic for asking for advice & support about infant feeding:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding

It's a good place to post asking for information and advice, and there are a couple of longterm expert posters who can give some very helpful advice. There's less chance of a thread descending into a slanging match on that board, rather than on AIBU.

Well obv all my friends who bottle feed who have also breastfed to start with and who therefore have a pretty good basis for comparison and have told me that the behaviour with bottle is different must be doing something wrong.

No point getting all stroppy about it and saying its bullshit. You may disagree and have different experiences, but that doesn't mean that the experiences of people I know are somehow wrong. My boy hates bottles and behaved totally differently with them. How is that bullshit?

At the end of the day, op Breastfeeding CAN be an amazing unique experience only between mother and baby (It can also be bloody difficult). Anyone can bottle feed a a baby. And scientifically it's better. So it just seems sad for both mother and baby to miss out on that for what does not seem, in this case, a very good reason. If you try and still hate it then that IS a good reason, but to not even try seems sad.

crumbly this has been my experience too. DD1 was slow to gain weight, bleeding wedge shaped nipples, a lot of tears (both of us) - although by 6 weeks it was great and meant no sterilizing bottles on camping trips etc which was great. None of mine have ever accepted a bottle, but from each being about 6 weeks old I have been able to leave them asleep for 3-4 hours for an evening out (say, 8pm-11pm for a meal out with friends) which has been lovely.

DD2 and DD3 bfing was much more natural and snuggly. Neither lost any of their birth weight at day 5 as milk was abundant

I thought it might feel gross too and was fully prepared to bottle feed if I didn't like it, so it's definitely worth trying to get baby to latch at least once my daughter is now 1 and I still give her milk from me at bed time. It's a lovely snuggle and I find it reaffirms her bond with me if she has had a busy day.

That said, I'm a firm believer in "Feed your baby, it doesn't matter if it's with breast or bottle as long as it's fed" likewise for all of these issues that get other mums judging each other.

So feed your baby it doesn't matter how, as long as you've made an informed choice. Good luck with your bundle!

I can't help but think your attitude sounds lazy and selfish.

I can't help but think your attitude stinks

boss, I agree that makes more sense re sharing experiences.

On bed sharing, my DH is aware I sometimes bring our baby into bed to feed so I've never thought the advice meant I should wake him every time and say there's a baby in the bed! I'm happy to be corrected if I'm in the wrong though.

Likeaboss

No, I had a horrific time getting started breastfeeding. No support whatsoever, a severely tongue tied baby who could not eat and was very poorly as a result. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and took a good 2 months to become anything approaching a smooth easy experience. Longer for many people I know. But it goes on for a long time - I'm planning to Bf until baby self weans. So the early slog was worth it for me and dozens of other people who've been going through the same thing at the same time. We are all glad we persevered. Obviously not all people can ever make it work, or really don't want to, and fair play to them as well. But it shouldn't be so unacceptable to say it's can be an amazing experience, and it can be really worth pushing through. That's not the same as pressuring people who just can't cope any more or really really don't want to, but there has to be a balance. Who does it help if they only acceptable response to any discussion is 'yeah, don't bother, either method is as good as the other, whatever, give up at the first hurdle or before.' The MW basically said that to me and I wanted to persevere and I'm so glad I did. That's my side of the argument and sorry but I think it might be helpful for the OP to hear positive opinions of Bf.

My description of night feeding was a reflection of what it's like when you have got over the initial almost inevitable difficulties. You are right to call me on that.

And yes, Likeaboss, I did tell me Dh whenever Ds was in the bed. Given he was awake anyway (the screaming kind of did it!) it wasn't much effort to grunt 'he's in the bed, don't roll over'.

likeaboss
I completely agree with sharing both sides too, sorry I cross posted last time.

For bedsharing DD is sandwiched between me and her co-sleeper (that she bloody hates and won't go in) so she can't roll off the bed so no, I never inform DP that she's in the bed as he's nowhere near her to roll onto her. Also, he always knows she is there as bed sharing is the norm for us.
I've never actually heard of that before though after bed-sharing with both DDs so maybe I'm not as knowledgeable as I thought.