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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to breast feed?

551 replies

LouBlue1507 · 13/05/2016 07:41

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby. Shock

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

OP posts:
minifingerz · 13/05/2016 15:20

Knits

All parents care about their baby's well-being.

My belief is that most mothers who choose to ff believe that how a baby is fed makes no actual difference to a baby and that the health benefits are either theoretical, or imaginary, or exaggerated, or trivial enough not to be bothered with.

This thread and pretty much every other one I've ever seen on mumsnet the support that view.

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 13/05/2016 15:23

Yes, that's fair enough.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 15:25

"River Mini implied the length of time someone breastfeeds for is directly correlated with how much they prioritise their kids' health."

Parents who choose to breastfeed are primarily choosing to do so because they prioritise the health benefits of breastfeeding above everything else.

It's not an unreasonable assumption that this group of parents are more health focused than parents whose decision about feeding methods are primarily influenced by convenience.

KnitsBakesAndReads · 13/05/2016 15:29

Future, off the top of my head...

Better antenatal education might help mums decide that actually BF is "convenient" or compatible with their lifestyle, and also inform them that it's possible to express milk so others could help with feeding.

Greater acceptance of BF might make women less likely to feel uncomfortable with BF by making it into the normal choice for infant feeding, rather than something unusual. It could also reduce the number of women who say BF isn't suited to their lifestyle, eg by making it easier for women to continue BF after returning to work.

Support for new mums might reduce women's concerns that BF isn't convenient by ensuring they are able to take the time, and receive the support, to establish BF as a normal part of their life as a new mum. If a mum is well supported she may also feel less concerned about being the only person who feeds her baby as she receives help dealing with other responsibilities and so can devote time to feeding her baby.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 15:30

It's not an unreasonable assumption that this group of parents are more health focused

Yes it is. It isn't black or white.

KnitsBakesAndReads · 13/05/2016 15:33

All parents care about their baby's well-being.

Yes, I agree and said that in my previous post.

My belief is that most mothers who choose to ff believe that how a baby is fed makes no actual difference to a baby and that the health benefits are either theoretical, or imaginary, or exaggerated, or trivial enough not to be bothered with

That's what I had assumed before which is why I was interested to see that this survey showed that beliefs about the health benefits of BF or FF aren't a significant motivation for women who choose to FF from the outset.

Strokethefurrywall · 13/05/2016 15:34

Hate to burst your bubble there minifingerz but I chose to bf not because of the health benefits, but solely because of convenience.

I didn't want to faff about with bottles so I breastfed. Then I started expressing and introduced a bottle and then I introduced formula.

Implying that mothers who breastfeed are more health focused is totally misleading.

MiaowTheCat · 13/05/2016 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notthebumtroll · 13/05/2016 15:40

I'm not pregnant but I feel exactly the same.

I think it's a brilliant thing for Mums to do, I agree with it 100% but I hate the idea of doing it myself. I have tubular breasts so There's a high chance I wouldn't be able to anyway though I often feel like I should give it a go when (hopefully) I get to have a baby.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 15:41

"As for the second part, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to breastfeed. If doing so would make you miserable, that will have a negative impact on the child far more than not breastfeeding."

If a mother has never breastfed how does she know how it will make her feel?

And why are women much more likely to be made miserable by breastfeeding if they're living in Liverpool, than, say London? Or if they're Nigerian rather an Irish? And if they're 20 rather than 40?

The primary forces shaping women's feeding choices and experiences are cultural rather than uniquely individual.

Of course babies know nothing of this. Babies are the same as they ever were and the same the world over, and that is evolved to thrive best on human milk.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 15:44

Not - I'd really urge you to see a lactation consultant to discuss it.

Very few women can't breastfeed AT ALL, though some can only breastfeed partially and will always need to supplement or primarily ff. They can still comfort their baby at the breast and baby can still often have some of their milk. (I'm thinking about this after reading about a mum who is partially breastfeeding after a mastectomy - she still had some glandular tissue left and it was enough to make some milk for her baby and give both of them the experience of breastfeeding - this was something which gave her a lot of joy).

NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 15:49

mini

ODFOD. Some women really can't breastfeed. Sometimes babies can't. It's not that rare.

My dd couldn't because she was tongue tied. My ds couldn't because he was too weak to latch. I could have waited until he was stronger but I developed mastitis so severe that even the nurse was shocked at how bad it was.

Strokethefurrywall · 13/05/2016 15:49

A mother doesn't have to justify why she doesn't want to try to breastfeed if that's what she doesn't want to do. I don't justify my life to anyone else as an individual and I'm sure a shit not about to start as a mother.

And I would say that this cultural epidemic in the UK of "breast is best" being rammed down every pregnant woman's throat and the sanctimonious bullshit that follows from some (why don't you just try it, at least give the baby your colostrum, parents who breastfeed are far more concerned about their baby's health than if they ff etc etc.) are the very reasons that new mothers feel a failure before they've even started.

We know breast is best. We get it. But it doesn't automatically follow that not wanting to do it means you're putting your baby's health second. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

NarpIsNotACunt · 13/05/2016 15:52
TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 13/05/2016 16:01

Yeah have to strongly disagree with mini there - I breastfed because it seemed (to me) the most natural thing to do with my baby & I found it physically easy. Health benefits were a bonus, if indeed there were any. I breastfed till age 2.4 first time round, and for about 11 months second time -I introduced formula earlier second time around as it IS very convenient if you need/ want time away from your baby. And perfect!y good for them.
I agree with whoever said don't bother expressing if you're not going to put baby to breast - worst of both worlds!

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovewillow · 13/05/2016 16:16

It is your choice and don't feel like you have to justify yourself. All I would say is read up about it and don't rule anything out until the baby comes! Good luck!

NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 16:17

And I would say that this cultural epidemic in the UK of "breast is best" being rammed down every pregnant woman's throat and the sanctimonious bullshit that follows....

Same here. My youngest is 14 months so recent advice for me.

Not one HCP encouraged me to breast feed. They asked what I was doing, offered help if I needed it and left me too it.

When I was attempting to breast feed and failed miserable despite a latch consultant, the midwife actually told me "it's ok to use formula. You tried, it didn't work, don't beat yourself up about it"'

KnitsBakesAndReads · 13/05/2016 16:19

This legion of sanctimonious women lining up to make new mothers feel bad is an invention and it does as MUCH harm as the imaginary sanctibreastrammers would do if they existed.

^
This (and the rest of Mrs post) x 100!

SamanthaBrique · 13/05/2016 16:22

In defence of mini, I doubt she's talking about women who actually can't breastfeed for medical reasons. She's referring to those who don't because of cultural reasons or finding it "gross" like OP.

Strokethefurrywall · 13/05/2016 16:29

Then it is a myth that is only perpetuated on Mumsnet I guess, because it's the only place (and the Meeja) that I hear about women being made to feel bad about not breastfeeding, or having multitude of "evidence" thrown at them urging them to consider breastfeeding (see Mini's posts above)

I don't live in the UK so don't have a frame of reference aside from Mumsnet and the media. I've never encountered any comments, be the positive or negative about how I fed my babies.

But from the outside looking in, and certainly as an outsider looking in on mumsnet, it seems that there is a massive breastfeeding agenda being pushed.

NicknameUsed · 13/05/2016 16:32

"If someone wants the convenience of formula"

Having breastfed and formula fed I can confirm that breastfeeding is far more convenient than faffing around sterilising bottles, mixing up feeds, heating them etc.

It didn't bother me that I was the only person who could feed DD. As far as I was concerned it went with the territory - much like the physical act of giving birth.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 16:39

Miaow I've seen her do it a few times too. Attitudes like that do far more damage to breastfeeding, as you say. Flowers for you, it must have been horrible.

Mine wasn't as bad as yours, but I had a baby that after being fed NG he didn't want to latch, cut me, was upset and fought, had severe reflux and then I had pain and sickness at letdown.

I just said "fuck it" and switched, it wasn't worth the stress to either of us. But according to mini I don't prioritise my child's health...

SpeakNoWords · 13/05/2016 16:40

There really isn't a massive breastfeeding agenda being pushed by the NHS.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with DC2. So far, I've seen posters in waiting rooms at the hospital (the same ones that were there 4 years ago with DC1), and a leaflet or two as part of a whole stack of leaflets given to me with my maternity notes. No midwife or consultant has asked me yet about my chosen feeding method. My notes have a sticker inviting me to a breastfeeding workshop and a sticker about bringing your own ready-made formula to hospital if that applies to you. Now, I didn't go to the breastfeeding workshop (as a 2nd timer who breastfed last time), so I don't know how sanctimonious or pushy that would have been.

Maybe the midwives/consultants are filtering what they say to me, as I'm an older, middle-class second-time mother, so perhaps they are assuming that I will breastfeed. Perhaps they would be different with a new younger mum? I don't know. But really no one has asked or is interested in how I'm going to feed the baby.

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