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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to breast feed?

551 replies

LouBlue1507 · 13/05/2016 07:41

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby. Shock

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

OP posts:
FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 16:40

Nickname I found formula easier than breastfeeding. And while you might not mind being the only one who can feed, others do.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 16:41

Perhaps they would be different with a new younger mum?

As a young single mother I didn't have breastfeeding pushed on me either.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 16:46

If a mother has never breastfed how does she know how it will make her feel?

She might not like the idea of it or having her boobs touched.

And why are women much more likely to be made miserable by breastfeeding if they're living in Liverpool, than, say London? Or if they're Nigerian rather an Irish? And if they're 20 rather than 40?

I agree it's cultural to some extent, however that doesn't invalidate individual choices.

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 16:48

"or having multitude of "evidence" thrown at them urging them to consider breastfeeding (see Mini's posts above)"

I'm not 'urging' anyone to breastfeed!

And what's wrong with facts?

And I'm not 'throwing' anything at anyone. Honestly!

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 16:49

I am sure 98% of the hostility is down to comments made by twats on the internet and things that never actually happened by are 'well my friend's aunt got told she was a wicked mother by this woman in a shop once' type anecdotes.

I have only ever met one woman who was sanctimonious about breastfeeding. All the others only appear online.

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 16:54

"How bloody awful for a new mum to be told 'you should bf because its so much better for your baby' by a hv"

Well, no HP should be telling us that we 'should' or 'shouldn't' do anything, including behaviours that are harmful to our children, but legal, such as smoking in the house, or feeding them on fast food. That's simply not their role. Their role is to inform, not to dictate.

Sometimes in relationship to breastfeeding 'informing' is perceived as 'pressure' and 'bullying' if it's information which makes a mother feel guilty about her choices. That's why many HV and midwives have given up a bit - hence widespread ignorance about breastfeeding benefits (I know people here say 'everyone knows' but actually the research doesn't bear that out). Nobody wants to be the bad guy telling people things they don't want to hear.

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 17:01

The actual quote was

"How bloody awful for a new mum to be told 'you should bf because its so much better for your baby' by a hv and 'don't be messing about with that rubbish. I bottle fed you and never did you any harm' from your own mum."

That poster was calling the dichotomy and conflict between the two statements awful, as it would cause confusion and distress to a young mum.

You have taken that spectacularly out of context.

mirime · 13/05/2016 17:03

Speaknowords - I had my DS three years ago and breastfeeding was definitely pushed. We were told at the NHS antenatal class that formula is made with solvents and has fish semen in it Hmm I was determined to BF anyway, but they were so pushy it made me feel like rebelling!

Then there was a cow of a nurse in SCBU who took against me, apparently because I hadn't expressed overnight - I'd been in no fit state to think of things like that and nobody on the high dependency ward had suggested it, they'd been too busy telling me to go to sleep.

Helmetbymidnight · 13/05/2016 17:09

I agree with Mrs Dv.

Never been pushed to me at all.

Maybe it's an area thing- w/c they expect you to ff, m/c they expect you to b/f?

SpeakNoWords · 13/05/2016 17:11

"formula is made with solvents and has fish semen in it" - if that came from an NHS health professional then I think that would warrant a formal complaint.

I was fortunate that when my DC1 was in SCBU and I was on the high dependency unit, I had a very experienced and kind midwife who showed me what to do and helped me to express colostrum and told me how often to do it. Then later on, the SCBU team would be happy to call for you through the night if you were worried about not waking to express. I am constantly amazed how different the level of care in different hospitals can be, and I hope people put in complaints where care has been sub-standard, although I know this takes time and energy at a point in your life when those are already stretched.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 17:22

"That poster was calling the dichotomy and conflict between the two statements awful, as it would cause confusion and distress to a young mum."

But that dichotomy is something that everyone here on mumsnet perpetuates.

On one hand most people will say "breastfeeding has significant health benefits for babies" but on the other hand will also say "it doesn't matter one jot if you don't breastfeed"

Where is the logic in that?

Does breastfeeding matter to babies or not?

no wonder women's heads are so messed up about this issue.

BertieBotts · 13/05/2016 17:23

Pretty sure water has fish semen in it too. :)

mirime · 13/05/2016 17:24

Speak - I was on the high dependency ward for one night, my DS was out of SCBU late morning. I couldn't go down to SCBU until someone could wheel me down there and the nurse just instantly took against me. I hadn't expressed, I didn't hold him right when trying to breastfeed - DS never got on with the way she insisted was right.

TBH there was plenty I wasn't happy about with the whole birth and I was left traumatized. In hindsight things could have been done differently and then maybe DS wouldn't have had to be SCBU and that silly cow would never have known how 'inept' (as I'm sure she saw me) I was. Successfully breastfed for 14mths doing it the 'wrong way' though Smile

PacificDogwod · 13/05/2016 17:28

Does breastfeeding matter to babies or not?

In large scale studies it unequivocally does.

For individual babies/mothers who live in the West, have clean water and ready means to keep equipment clean, it is impossible to predict individual outcomes.

mirime · 13/05/2016 17:30

Should say, I'm usually very respectful of medical staff, but that woman really upset me at a time I when I was very vulnerable and her attitude was unnecessary.

All the midwives on the post natal ward were absolutely lovely and really helped with the breastfeeding.

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 17:39

"For individual babies/mothers who live in the West, have clean water and ready means to keep equipment clean, it is impossible to predict individual outcomes."

I'm not sure what the logic is of this comment. I've not come across anyone who is supportive of breastfeeding on grounds that it guarantees good health. Everyone knows that all breastfeeding does is optimise health in individuals all settings, including in the West.

There is no such thing as health research which predicts individual outcomes. Breastfeeding research is no different.

PacificDogwod · 13/05/2016 17:41

That is what I was trying to say, minifingers, in a rather cack-handed way Blush

KnitsBakesAndReads · 13/05/2016 17:47

Does breastfeeding matter to babies or not?

In large scale studies it unequivocally does.

For individual babies/mothers who live in the West, have clean water and ready means to keep equipment clean, it is impossible to predict individual outcomes.

This is a bit like saying large scale studies show smoking causes lung cancer but you can't predict individual outcomes so feel free to smoke anyway!

minifingerz · 13/05/2016 17:51

Out of interest, do you think that when/if we move into a post-antibiotic era, women will feel more of a compulsion to breastfeed?

NarpIsNotACunt · 13/05/2016 17:52

The OP hasn't been around too much

I am so boooored with these kinds of threads

Getting everyone upset and defensive, and then the same old preaching

For those of you who have small babies and are worried about this - wait a few years and you won't give a toss

yorkshapudding · 13/05/2016 17:54

Being "pushed" to breastfeed certainly isn't a "myth" around here. I live in a 'naice' area where breastfeeding is very much the cultural norm. I went to a few baby groups where I was the only one bottle-feeding and recieved many a lecture from other Mum's about the benefits of breastfeeding (of which, as an educated HCP who works exclusively with children, I am fully aware) and told how "anyone can breastfeed if they try hard enough".
My community midwife referred to formula as "artificial feeding" and was seemingly unable to speak the words without grimacing as though she's just smelt a particularly unpleasant fart while my GP felt it was necessary to tell me I was "choosing convenience over health". At least the latter did have the good grace to apologise once she'd read my notes and saw the reason I wasn't breastfeeding, which was bugger all to do with choice or convenience.

Those of you who haven't faced any hostility regarding bottle-feeding, I'm happy you haven't had to experience that, but it doesn't mean it's a "myth".

RiverTam · 13/05/2016 17:55

Need the reason your DS couldn't bf was not because he had tongue tie, it was because his tongue tie was not treated. There were many newborn babies at the breastfeeding cafe I went to who came to have their tongue tie checked after it had been treated (which it was immediately after birth at our local hospital) and then the midwives helped with getting bf established. So with the correct intervention and support many babies with tongue tie can bf.

septembersunshine · 13/05/2016 17:58

Totally your decision op. I tried three times with my three and found it the most difficult thing to master. Just wasn't easy for me. I am pregnant again and will try a forth time but if I can't do it I am happy to bottle feed again. This stage doesn't last forever, they are toddlers on food before you can blink!