To not want to breast feed?

[LouBlue1507]

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby.

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

Re: bedsharing, Isis (Infant Sleep Information Source) raises concerns that formula feeding may make bed sharing more risky:

^"Bed-sharing babies of breastfeeding mothers appear to avoid the presumed hazards of sleeping in adult beds (e.g., suffocation, overlaying, wedging, entrapment) (Nakamura et al 1999), due to the presence and behaviour of their mothers. Interestingly, however, differences have been observed in bed-sharing behaviour between breastfeeding and formula-feeding mothers and babies (Ball 2006). In a study comparing families videoed sleeping in their home environment, formula-fed infants were generally placed high in the bed, with babies at parental face-height, and positioned between, or on top of, parental pillows. In contrast, breastfed babies were always positioned flat on the mattress, below pillow height and level with the mother's chest. Formula-feeding mothers spent significantly less time facing their baby and in mutual face-to-face orientation than did breastfeeding mother-baby pairs, and they did not adopt the "protective" sleep position with the same degree of consistency. Breastfeeding mothers and babies experienced a significantly greater frequency of arousals from sleep, and significantly more of these were synchronous (mother and baby waking together) than among formula-feeding mothers and babies (Ball 2006).

The patterning of these differences is consistent with an understanding of the physiological mechanisms mediating maternal and infant behaviour, in that breastfeeding mothers experience a hormonal feedback cycle, which promotes close contact with, heightened responsiveness towards, and bonding with infants in a way that is absent or greatly diminished among mothers who do not breastfeed (Uvnas Moberg 2003). The implication here-that breastfeeding mothers and babies sleep together in qualitatively and significantly quantitatively different ways than do non-breastfeeding mothers and babies-suggest that epidemiological studies of bed-sharing that have not considered feeding type as a variable for matching cases and controls may have drawn inappropriate results in assessing risk factors associated with bed-sharing. Hopefully epidemiologists will re-examine these issues."^

It's not about "wonder and joy" at least not for everyone. It is about providing immunity and reducing immune reactions.

One fascinating fact is that if baby has a cold (and you do not) the baby transmits information about the virus to you via suckling and you then make antibodies to a bug you do not have and you feed them to the baby - astounding!

We are a family of non breastfeeders (I'd say 75% through choice as well). Only my youngest has been BF out of 12 kids who are all first cousins!!!

Which is pretty shit really!! Both my SIL'S decided not to BF their kids (they have 3 each!), I was unsuccessful with my first baby and my sister was unsuccessful with all 4 of her kids. I think she managed the first month before moving to formula

I genuinely wish people would put as much effort/thought into what and how they feed their kids once they're weaned.

We have a situation where 1 in 3 children in the UK are overweight and 1 in 5 are obese.

That imo makes the whole BF v FF argument into a bit of a farce.

Just do what is best for you and your child and keep your eye on the ball.

Totally agree Worra

"That imo makes the whole BF v FF argument into a bit of a farce."

Does it apply to healthy eating during pregnancy as well? I mean why bother thinking, reading or talking about it or trying to do it if you're going to go onto allow your dc's to go on to become overweight?

Ironically, there is an overwhelmingly strong correlation in the uk between choice of infant feeding method and likelihood of a child being overweight. Parents who breastfeed most and breastfeed longest are the least likely to have overweight children, and parents who breastfeed least are the most likely to have obese children. Not necessarily anything to do with ff causing obesity, but more to do with your values as a parent.

Parents who prioritise the health of their children usually try to breastfeed (as evidenced by the Infant Feeding Survey - 'because it's healthiest for my baby' is far and away the most common reason given for choosing to breastfeed). These are the parents who also approach prioritise health when it comes to weaning and family diets.

If you want to see huge numbers of massively overweight children go to somewhere like Yorkshire or the Midland. They have a very very big problem with childhood obesity there. Vastly worse than London or the SE. They also have far and away the worst breastfeeding rates in England.

You're not alone OP. Out in the real world most women don't breastfeed their babies - only 1 in 200 is still being breastfed at age 1, so that puts the numbers of babies who get formula for some time at 99.5% minimum - because some of those 1 in 200 may well have been mixed fed. There is not some massive stigma against bottle feeding, far from it.

But given you posted this in AIBU, you weren't interested in reasoned chat anyway.

Parents who breastfeed most and breastfeed longest are the least likely to have overweight children, and parents who breastfeed least are the most likely to have obese children. Not necessarily anything to do with ff causing obesity, but more to do with your values as a parent.

The longer you breastfeed the "better" your values are according to you?

Parents who prioritise the health of their children usually try to breastfeed (as evidenced by the Infant Feeding Survey - 'because it's healthiest for my baby' is far and away the most common reason given for choosing to breastfeed). These are the parents who also approach prioritise health when it comes to weaning and family diets.

This is so fucking offensive I don't even know where to start.

Not necessarily anything to do with ff causing obesity, but more to do with your values as a parent

Most women who breastfeed are middle class so it goes a bit beyond a parent's values. There are many factors at play.

Sometimes I read the posts of those most vehemently in favour of encouraging mother's to BF and marvel at how badly they can come across.

Future - people choose to breastfeed primarily because it's healthiest for their baby. That's not my opinion, that's what the evidence says. They prioritise their child's health when it comes to feeding choices. And as a group they are less likely to have obese children.

I said nothing about their general values. That's just you being snippy and defensive.

Sqoosh - what makes you think that my purpose is to encourage people to breastfeed?

I'm just flagging up inconsistencies and a lack of context in someone else's post.

If I wanted to get involved in breastfeeding promotion I wouldn't be trying to do it on a talk board on mumsnet. That's not really what these boards are for are they?

Mini that doesn't mean they prioritise their children's health more than people who don't breastfeed. That means that is their reason for breastfeeding. It isn't the same.

As someone else said there are far more factors involved here.

I'm not defensive. I tried breastfeeding, it wasn't for us, no guilt from me. I am however concerned that people being sanctimonious and lacing the facts with their opinion will hurt vulnerable new mothers.

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover sorry, certainly don't mean to sound that way, but bitter experience at the hands of those who should have known better.

I wouldn't want anyone else to experience the feelings of inadequacy I was made to feel. The midwife who took our parents craft classes wasn't even allowed to discuss bottle feeding with us - not hospital policy - despite decision being supported by my doctors.

At a time when, finally having managed to become pregnant, you really do want the best for your baby, you need support & understanding.

I take my hat off to all those lucky enough to really have a choice but ask them to realise while their experiences may be idyllic, others have a far bigger, more complex picture to consider. Would have liked the choice, but not meant to be for me - I'm grateful I was given the chance to be a mum and that I know I did what was best for my baby, regardless of the critics - who incidentally included MIL. The depression I suffered was added to by the insensitivity of others & certainly impacted on my DS early months.

Please don't judge until you're walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

what makes you think that my purpose is to encourage people to breastfeed?

Since you only appear on threads about breastfeeding I assumed that your aim was to wave the flag for BF. But maybe you just prefer a bit of on-screen argy bargy.

I get immensely pissed off with the whole "breast is best" shit.

No it's not!! What is best is a baby that is fed and a mother who feels comfortable feeding.

It isn't anyone else's business unless they are being asked for an opinion. If you aren't then keep it to yourself.

Everyone needs to do what is right for themselves.

"Most women who breastfeed are middle class so it goes a bit beyond a parent's values. There are many factors at play"

Yes I agree.

Nothing is as simple as all that.

OP Yanbu.

Personally speaking after 9 months I wanted my body back to myself.

Does that make me a bad Mum?

Does it F**k.

But that's not the reality. Lots of women suffer horribly trying to breastfeed, or physically cannot, or the baby fails to thrive etc. etc. In those cases, prioritising your child's health is giving them formula over trying to continue with something that doesn't work for whatever reason.

This. In fact, desperately trying to breastfeed despite you being miserable, your child being miserable, your child not thriving, you being in pain and your mental health deteriorating will have a much worse impact on your child's health than formula.

"I get immensely pissed off with the whole "breast is best" shit.

No it's not!! What is best is a baby that is fed and a mother who feels comfortable feeding."

Do you get pissed off when the WHO says that breast milk is better for the baby than formula?

I don't disagree with your second statement BTW.

(as evidenced by the Infant Feeding Survey - 'because it's healthiest for my baby' is far and away the most common reason given for choosing to breastfeed).

I just looked up this survey as I was interested to see what reasons were given for choosing to FF. (as in reasons for choice before birth, not people who plan to BF then switch) According to the survey these are the most common reasons:

"they did not like the idea of breastfeeding (20%), convenience or due to their lifestyle (19%) and because other people could feed the baby (17%)."

I can't help thinking surely antenatal BF education, society's acceptance of BF as perfectly normal, and support for new mums need to improve if these are the main reasons people plan to FF? This has also really challenged my assumptions about people's feeding choices. I firmly believe the vast majority of new mums want what's best for their baby so I'd have guessed that misinformation from formula manufacturers (ie that FF is the equivalent of BF) would have been cited as a motivation by people choosing to FF from the outset. But it looks like that's not actually a big factor at all.

Future There is surely a difference between those who would like to bf but can't for one reason or another (though more needs to be done as to why so many British women can't bf) and those who simply won't countenance it at all. So bringing those who ff because they have tried but were unable to bf into what mini is saying is a bit daft.

River Mini implied the length of time someone breastfeeds for is directly correlated with how much they prioritise their kids' health. That is an attack on anyone who doesn't breastfeed, whether can't or won't.

As for the second part, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to breastfeed. If doing so would make you miserable, that will have a negative impact on the child far more than not breastfeeding.

I can't help thinking surely antenatal BF education, society's acceptance of BF as perfectly normal, and support for new mums need to improve if these are the main reasons people plan to FF

How would any of that affect it? If someone wants the convenience of formula and wants to not be the sole feeder, how would normalising breastfeeding help?

It may help women who are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding.