to ignore STBXH's religious beliefs

[MrsDeathOfRats]

Firstly, sorry about the number of threads I'm starting right now but I am so conflicted on many levels right now!

So, STBXH is Muslim. We have so far raised the kids as such. BUT he really only eats halal and observes Ramadan.
I am filing for divorce and once it is done I see no reason to keep feeding the kids halal food.

So, in the 6 years I have know him He has NEVER attended a mosque.
He used to smoke.
We lived together and were pregnant prior to religious marriage ceremony.

I am not Muslim and I will be the resident parent.

WIBU to stop feeding them exclusively halal meat once we are divorced?

So as not to drip feed: I am prepared to continue not feeding them pork.
This is going to cause major issues and any hope of an amicable post marriage relationship will disappear.
(If I ever tell him. But if he ever asks I won't lie)

I'm amazed that some people on this thread sure making out that you'd be the one to be unreasonable in this situation.

This boy man clearly picks and chooses which bits of his religion suits him, and easily rejects those that don't.

It's seemingly fine for him not to stick to every edict, but apparently it's not fine for you not to stick to an edict that you didn't even get on board with in the beginning. And yet you're the one that would be jeoparading the post-split relationship?

No - he is, but you're being told you need to roll over an accommodate him in his unreasonableness. This really is a lesson in how women are conditioned to 'behave' and 'accommodate' others.

It would be HIS - and only his - decision to make this unpleasant. But you're being told that you need to disadvantage yourself (socially, financially even) to avoid this happening. Crazy.

And the unfortunate thing is that I can see why you would roll over - it's the DC that suffer if you don't.

And all the while, this eejit is being pandered to. Whichever decision you make, do it in the full knowledge that he IS the one who's being unreasonable, not you.

Once you've read the below you may conclude vegetarianism to be the way forward

^ this

I think the TheDowagerCuntess has summed the situation up perfectly.

Another poster had a good suggestion though. Let him organise buying all the halal food and having it delivered to you as a good compromise. Let's see how long he bothers doing that.

If you have an ethical concern about halal meat, then he is disrespecting your views if he expected you to continue to eat it.

Personally I'd only feeding halal if he took the religious education properly. If the kids aren't being taken to a mosque or being tought about Islam, then eating halal is meaningless.

"He only really eats halal and observes Ramadan".

And doesn't drink alcohol?

If I were you i would keep halal (but be a bit slack when I could get away with it!) while they were younger, as it seems very likely it will fade once they are older as they choose not to keep it, and then it will be their choice not yours and he won't be able to do anything about it.

It's only a few years.

I agree that I would do at least some halal now to show willing (but wouldn't stop them eating what they like in other people's houses) and see where it goes. My ex is strongly against dd eating pork for religious/cultural reasons, and dd has strongly internalised this from her time spent with him - this may happen with your dcs, or they may rebel against it, or it may be that their father disengages with them over time so it becomes a non-issue.

No point getting into a conflict about it now if it might fade away as an issue over time.

no point getting into conflict over it now

Read: the OP should be the one to accommodate someone else's unreasonableness.

He's barely paying support. Where is the money for the more expensive halal meat? He sorts kids food on his watch.

YANBU but I think in this situation I would continue to give the DC halal meet. Partly as a way to maintain an amicable parenting relationship. (If you stop giving them halal meat, sooner or later your ex will hear about it, children will tell him you bought it in Tesco, etc.) Partly because you did make a promise. And partly because if later the children make a decision about being/not being a Muslim, it will cause less harm. (Scenario 1: they decide not to be Muslims, and can stop eating halal meat. Scenario 2: they do decide to be Muslims and will question why they were given non-halal meat despite their mother having promised to their father.) If it's so much more expensive, maybe you could eat less meat?

That is my way of looking at it wth the pork.
I won't ever give them porn as its a complete no no and if they do decide to pick up their inherited religion at a later date then they will be 'pure'.

And this is part of my conflict over the non halal meat. And also, that's why I feel it's all or nothing cos I don't feel comfortable lying to my own children. So perhaps it is best to wait til they decide for themselves but like others have said be a bit vague and flexible about it.

I won't ever give them porn as its a complete no no

That's an amusing typo!

If there is a god (which there isn't btw), do you think he'd care about the purity of his worshippers' childhoods?

Please don't impose stupid ideological rules on your children. Let them eat what they want, don't ban anything.

Just don't tell him (or them). Halal meat looks and tastes the same as non-Halal so just lie to him. Under Muslim beliefs it's you who will go to hell (not them if they eat it under false pretences). But as you're not Muslim you won't believe in the same rules about hell so it doesn't matter. I'm an atheist, can you tell

Purple oh my days!
I won't give them porn either though. That would be wrong in many many ways

My love. Your children are not being raised Muslim. They haven't the faintest idea of anything since their father only does pick and mix Islam. Don't give this stuff more power in your lane vets than it deserves. It's not that important to your ex or he would have bothered his Arse to do something about helping educate them eh?

My ex didn't fast, but smoked, drank. Never prayed. Ate any kind of meat, never pork though.

I wouldn't want my ds taking up this religion, or any other for that matter. I worry he'll be targeted by extreme nutters in future, telling him what he should be etc, but hope he's smart enough to ignore them. In any event when the pork question was discussed at home I made sure he understood the meaning of it and how he had to be responsible for that decision

In any event, pork is not as forbidden as say, alcohol. If it's a matter of starve or eat pork, the Koran says to eat. Alcohol is always and completely a no no.

If I were you I'd wait a while on the pork issue and make it a decision they decide for themselves when they are older.

You set the rules in your home. You're the one keeping not all the balls in the air, you make the choices.

Lane vets = life

Hissy - you will probably be lynched by the liberal PC crowd for that but have a virtual high five from me!

Islamically a person who becomes Muslim is considered as a newborn and anything they consumed in their past is not considered to affect their status as a Muslim. They're considered completely pure on embracing Islam and begin with a clean slate.

If they've never eaten pork tho, would your children be able to digest it?

I agree with Hissy.

Also, this is the sort of situation where a white lie does no one any harm. I wouldn't lie to the kids when/ if they ask, but if it were a toss up between unnecessary conflict with your ex, and a harmless fib, I know which I'd choose.

Re pork, I would probably wait until the kids are old enough to choose for themselves whether to eat it.

My son hadn't eaten pork for all of his 6 years. Until he decided he wanted to. No sign of any trouble. Not a sausage see what I did there? 😂😂

Meat is meat, if you've eaten one, you've pretty much eaten all. If the children had been raised vegetarian or vegan, they'd probably struggle to digest it, but I've no experience of this.

After 10 years with my ex, including 3 years in his land I have Seen it all, a PC lynching won't even register facebookrecruit 😉 seriously tho, I know how pressure can be used, I know how young men are targeted by some and him with his name and all, it is a consideration.

Hissy I absolutely agree with you. Thanks to the liberal PC brigade who throw racism, sexism and everything like all in the same boat extremism is becoming more and more of a danger to all of us. Each to their own - I'm an atheist - but any kind of forcing culture or religion on anyone else should be made illegal.

Forcing your religion isn't part of Islam, but the nutters who would target people like my son aren't Muslims.

They are deluded and need a nail to hang it on.

But like I said, the op ex can't pick and choose what to abide by or not AND expect full observance by other non Muslims, not when he has nothing invested in it himself.

I've lived in a "religious" land and that is precisely why I don't believe. It's all about control of women. No matter the crescent or the cross.

Hissy you're so right. I didn't even think of that. That's so scary! I think OP should reconsider the raising them muslim thing altogether. She isn't Muslim so nothing to fear at all. You gave birth to them, you clean after them, love them and do as much as you can for them. in 10 years time do you really want the police knocking at your door because your son is involved in some islamist terrorist thing? Kids are vulnerable as they without religion being a factor. I say OP reconsider the whole religious thing just raise your kid to make something of his life.

vulnerable as they without *

sorry vulnerable as they are without *