AIBU to think in a way it's easier without dh

[mylittlearmy]

Just that really normally have really bad depression and anxiety. I work with dh and he went away on a trip yesterday . At work I could talk to people without him having a go at me. I had a nice relaxed journey home and then had a relaxed evening with no one moaning I hadn't done something or shouting because he lost a game or the kids were loud etc

I feel incredibly guilty that I have enjoyed the day and felt so relaxed! AIBU to think that emotionally at least it is easier without dh ?

And honestly, I don't think you have depression and anxiety. I think your DH makes you depressed and anxious. Two very different things.

Can you get another email address? A hotmail or gmail one would be fine. He needn't ever know.

As for your CV, I wouldn't do a statement. Just do a factual one sheeter with your details, employment history and extracurricular stuff on, then make a template covering letter which you can customise for each application.
I can help you with that if you want?

Ok I have my first draft cv . I think it makes me sound a little pathetic but I have no idea what else to write !

can I send messages on the app or do I need to go on Mumsnet on the computer

Mylittlearmy, I've just read your other thread. It's an abusive relationship in every way - he's not just emotionally and financially abusing you, but physically and sexually as well.

He is causing your mental health problems because he is abusive. If you think you can, open up to your doctor or health visitor and tell them what's going on. Call women's aid. You've said in this and the other thread that it's "just" these issues but these issues are enormous. You cannot stay with a man like that, he will never change. for you.

To answer your opening post - yes, life would be easier without him around.

To be honest I don't really care if he knows I am applying for new jobs, it probably sounds like I am afraid of him but I not afraid he will harm me in anyway the worst he will do is sulk and make life difficult .

Sounds like a great husband and father. Immature, sulky and abusive. I hope you manage to get out.

for you.

You are very strong.

Life can be so much better than this, and you are worth so, so much more.

Also by the way sulking to get you to have sex is coercion, ie sexual abuse.

Or the worst he will do is delete emails offering you interviews.

Or sulk you into having unprotected sex again, so you have another child to deal with, another tie to him, another mouth to feed...

He is having a vasectomy in 4 weeks .
I am going to set up a new googlemail though i think you are all right.

oh poop forgot I was on my computer now i think this is an old name? or one i signed up for with google after the hacking thing

no idea - but this is OP [embarrassed]

i dont know how to get my computer to log in with the account i use if my phone (I normally phone mumsnet but I a, on the computer doing my cv!)

Your role sounds like more of an office manager - maybe look on Reed online at job descriptions and see whether your experience matches up. You can call yourself an office manager on your CV - operations director will make it very hard to find something else.

He is abusive in various ways. You do not have to stay with him.

Oh god op I've just realised who you are. Please look after yourself

"It sounds pathetic written down doesn't it!"

OP, you may not yet be in a position to leave this man. But that does now mean you have to pretend that his behaviour is normal or acceptable. It isn't. Make an exit plan, even if it can't come to fruition for a long time.

ok I have finished off my cv and applied for my first job with it. Its an NHS admin job, I didnt apply before because I thought I wouldnt get it but actually I have everything it wants so you never know. No harm trying!

Great. Good start! Make sure you are not seeking yourself short though.

Omg, op I remember your thread about the sex issue as well. Please, your husband sounds abusive in every possible way. He's exercising total financial control, he's emotionally abusive, and he's a vile person. Please leave him!! Your children deserve better than to grow up around this man.

"He just said he's not flexible with his working hours but I can do what I want."

What he means is "I will refuse to do or help with any of the childcare, so good luck finding a job that will work around that". He doesnt realise yet that actually, he is also a parent and will no longer be getting childcare and office admin for free.

You need to get on with finding out whats happened to all your wages, youll also have a share of the business profits, both of those can be used to pay for childcare. Also dont be surprised if it turns out the business may have been making more money than youve been told.

Well no idea where he is he was supposed to come home tonight but he hasn't turned up yet

Good morning op. Has he come home? Are you okay?

He turned up not long after I posted the message. Slightly drunk and annoying. Woke me up repeatedly during the night nagging about sex so I'm tired now.

He has gone to work now.

I was thinking I tried to add dc6 to our child benefit claim but I couldn't because it's not in my name and dh never got round to doing it so I'm wondering if l could call up and just do it in my name? Or if you can't split it like that.

You could call up and get them all switched to your name. Not getting cb means that you are not getting NI credits towards your pension.

Would I need any proof that dh was on with that?

After last night/this morning I emailed women's aid. I couldn't bring myself to call plus my 4 year old is here. I also called up the counselling people that my gp gave me the phone number for.