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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think in a way it's easier without dh

135 replies

mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 04:03

Just that really normally have really bad depression and anxiety. I work with dh and he went away on a trip yesterday . At work I could talk to people without him having a go at me. I had a nice relaxed journey home and then had a relaxed evening with no one moaning I hadn't done something or shouting because he lost a game or the kids were loud etc

I feel incredibly guilty that I have enjoyed the day and felt so relaxed! AIBU to think that emotionally at least it is easier without dh ?

OP posts:
leelu66 · 12/05/2016 08:00

I think you have a lot of skills you have learned in your role that you could use in your cv. Whilst you're right not to put 'Operations Director' on your cv, you could put Sales administrator or Operations administrator. Or even manager if you're already managing staff? If you need help fleshing out a cv, I'm sure MNetters could look at the skills you have and help.

Don't downplay your skills!

MLGs · 12/05/2016 08:18

He sounds horrendous. others have given great advice re copying financial documents and then leaving.

MLGs · 12/05/2016 08:27

Hermione that's a brilliant and really moving post. You did so well to get out.

WellErrr · 12/05/2016 08:28

remember.people only treat you how you let them

You probably didn't mean it badly, but this really isn't helpful to someone in an abusive relationship.
None of this is your fault OP Flowers

Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 08:35

Hermione I about about to take the kids to school but I just wanted to let you know I read your amazing post and you sound incredibly brave. Thanks for sharing your story it does put things in perspective for meFlowers

OP posts:
coconutpie · 12/05/2016 09:38

Mylittlearmy - what did you mean by getting pregnant with DC6 being his fault?

ifgrandmahadawilly · 12/05/2016 10:08

YANBU. I really don't think you're the problem here. I think your anxiety or depression is just the normal result of living with a man like this.

WellErrr · 12/05/2016 10:12

I found your other thread OP. If you want me to PM you to let you know where it is I will do, but I won't link it here.

Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 10:12

Coconut pie I mean he got in such a mood about not having sex I agreed to and then he claimed to have withdrawn (he didn't) he then lied about it until I found out I was pregnant. Not very exciting but I still think mostly his fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 10:13

Ok I am sitting her with a doc open to write a cv. I have only applied for job that just need an application form filling in but I found a couple I would like (not sure if I'd get!) that need a cv. Go me!

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 10:15

Weller it's ok to link it here I am on the app on my phone I don't think I can get messages on here? Maybe I am wrong!

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 12/05/2016 10:18

mylittlearmy no wonder you can't bring yourself to do anything, he has worn you down until you have no mental strength for anything

Well done on applying for the jobs. If you'd like your CV looking over once its done I don't mind, just inbox me and I'll give you my email address

BTW you can change tax credits as they'll be in both your names. Just phone up and say you need to change bank details. I know you probably can't face the fall out now but the option is there

Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 10:19

My youngest dd has chosen this precise moment to learn how to crawl so the cv is going slowly!

OP posts:
MessyBun247 · 12/05/2016 10:24

Aww Smile go baby go!!

Well done OP for being proactive! Keep moving in the right direction.

WellErrr · 12/05/2016 10:32

It will be deleted in a few days anyway it's a 30 days only section.
It's in OTBT and has a trigger warning. If anyone wants to know where that is PM me as I don't think it's really supposed to be advertised as such on the main site.

WellErrr · 12/05/2016 10:34

And well done to your DD!

mrsmortis · 12/05/2016 10:58

I think everyone else has given you all the useful advice that I could have. I just wanted to say that I'm happy to look over your CV too if you need it.

Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 11:24

That's all I have managed so far is my nameGrin I am trying to think of a statement for the top, I can't think of any positive things to write!

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 11:28

Ok I think that my current job is more like an admin assistant? So I am going to put "I am an experienced administration assistant"

Dh now knows I am applying for job as for some reason my email also goes to his address. He just said he's not flexible with his working hours but I can do what I want. So not sure what that is meant to mean

OP posts:
Janecc · 12/05/2016 11:30

Hermione thank you for your bravery. You sound like an amazing woman.

mylittlearmy as a pp said if you are working as operations director, you should be being paid as well as your husband. It seems that your husbands actions are preventing you from having your own money. Even if this is not intentional, he is doing this in the knowledge that you have a 12k debt - when will that be paid off? I see you have access to the accounts as I said earlier, take copies of everything.

Some of the stuff upthread is amazing advice and questions. Please think seriously about how you want you and your children's lives to be.

Janecc · 12/05/2016 11:37

Is his phone/tablet linked to your emails? Or does he actually log on to access your emails? It sounds a bit controlling and suspicious if you didn't give him permission to access your emails - and illegal if you didn't give consent. My dh has access to mine and I have access to his btw but not in a controlling way. He looks at mine because I'm ill and he helps me out with business stuff. I look at his sometimes for financial stuff because he's always listed as the first applicant being the main breadwinner and mails often go to him.

Do you have access to his emails? If you do, also check on there for financial information.

Original poster
mylittlearmy · 12/05/2016 11:57

I think it's just because of work - I can log in to his emails as well and do to get things I need out. I am not upset about him seeing my email it just means that I can't keep anything secret!

OP posts:
TimeforaNNChange · 12/05/2016 11:59

Set up another email - via Google, that only you have access to.

LisaMed · 12/05/2016 12:03

You can get a free email account from hotmail.com or gmail. I have eleventy ten as I use them for different purposes like household hints, surveys, etc. You may not want to get a new one immediately, but you may find it comforting to know that it would be possible to do stuff without him knowing if things change for you.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/05/2016 12:03

mylittle, I remember your previous thread and you have to get out of this relationship. A good starting point would be setting up your own email address - it's easy to do, you have the skills to do it, you need a private address to stay safe.

I too would be happy to look at your CV, just pm me. Getting another job would be a great first step, but I would worry that your H would sabotage it somehow, probably by not pulling his weight on the childcare or letting you down. You need to make him leave and I absolutely believe that one day you'll have the strength to do this.

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