To think that you don't call after 9pm just for a chat

[MummaGiles]

I am donning my hard hat.

My PIL seem to think that it is fine to call at 9.30 on a week night just for a chat and a catch up at least once a month (this isn't the only time we talk to them). Every time they do it we answer asking if everything is ok, because you'd think that if someone was calling at that time something might be wrong. But they don't seem to get the message. AIBU to get irritated by this?

9.30pm seems reasonable to me. Especially if it's not often.

But YANBU to not like it, you can not like what you want. Yabu not to just tell them you don't like calls that late. It doesn't have to cause a drama, just say you love hearing from them but 8pm (or whenever) would be better.

Also unsure why calling a landline is idiotic and inconsiderate? It's the only way my family calls each other.

Get rid of the landline! We don't use one (we have a line but don't use the phone or give out the number at all) This also has the advantage of you not feeling you have to answer - a mobile is easier to ignore as you can say you didn't have it with you, didn't hear it etc.

If they want to call late they could call your DH on his mobile.

Our entire household is asleep by 9.30pm.

We are the Waltons

I personally would not call anyone after 8pm - unless it was a v close friend / family member.

Evenings are for relaxing and not being disturbed.

Toffeeboffin- yet you posted that at 22:24! Are you in a different time zone? ;)

Dps nana only rings after 10pm. We're normally in bed and as she doesn't ring our landline, DP often doesn't get to it on time or we're asleep anyway! She doesn't get the hint when we say we have work in the morning so DP just ignores it until the next day and rings her at around 8pm. His nana can be awake until 3am so 10pm is like her tea time!

No, I would not think of this as late. Just tell them. People have very different ideas of what is too late.

And as to the poster who would not call anyone after 8pm I only get in from work some nights at that time.

I'd rather people phoned before 9-ish, especially if it's likely to be quite a long call.

9.30 is the earliest I want anyone to ring me for a chat as that's when the DCs go to bed and I can chat to my heart's content.

My family have an unwritten rule that you don't phone after 9pm, unless it's for a quick question.

As someone said up thread, don't answer the phone.

I don't think it's inherently inconsiderate. It depends on a number of factors such as whether you have young children or a very early start. My parents (in their 70s) would ring up to around 9.30. And you can always unplug or ignore the phone.

Do tell them that with young children, 9.30 is a bit late as you and dh are tired and the children are asleep. Just ask them to ring at whatever time would be more convenient to you. They'll probably forget at first.

Or perhaps dh could ring them? Pre-empt their call and solve the problem. They might feel that they don't hear from you enough.

Surely you adapt according to person? I have some friends or family I wouldn't normally phone after 8.30 - others where up to 10pm is fine, and others where even later is okay... It is all a part of relationships - manage expectations, perhaps find another time which works for both parties - wouldn't surprise me if they think that they want to wait until child is in bed and you have had a chance to eat so as not to disturb your routine - just make clear when it works...

My parents ring every night after 10 and the in laws ring DH often after 11! It's when they know our DD is asleep and we are free. If we want the daily call over earlier we ring them earlier but it doesn't bother me at all.

I'd rather be phoned after 9 when the DCs are in bed and I'm not actually doing something for the first time all day.

BiL has an annoying habit of ringing around 8. He's done for the day, but ends up catching me at a busy time when we're at some point of cooking/ eating/ DC's bedtime.

In our family the cut off time for phone calls is 10pm. I wouldn't have a problem with someone calling at 9pm.

surely it depends on your house? I didn't know parliament passed something on this.

9.30 pm wouldn't bother me. FIL ringing at 8.30 am on Saturday does though

jeannie. EVERY NIGHT??? Are you some kind of Saint? That would drive me mad!

Lol extra hot, some people are just close. I speak to my mum every day

why don't you just tell them?

My grand-mother calls me between 10:30 and 11:30, after she finishes watching her movie. It works for us, I don't really answer the phone during the day, and I never answer between 6 and 8:30 when I am busy with the kids. She knows me.
She wouldn't dream of calling my sisters at that time, they are in bed.

It's very rude to call someone before 9am and after 7pm, but you can communicate with close friends and family and arrange time, can't you?

It's rude to call after 7pm!?! But that's when many get home from work?

My PIL call at exactly 10.15pm every Monday. Without fail. I ignore the phone and let it go to answerphone until DH is able to pick up (he is usually having a bedtime chat with [older] DC).
They don't think that it might be intrusive or inconvenient and will happily blather on about bloody vegetables and compost and shite for ages. I usually go to bed and have a nice early night....
I am not that young (47) but am of a generation where you don't phone much. That is for my parents generation as far as I am concerned. I would text or email rather than phone in the evening.