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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Babies in travel systems

430 replies

Excusemeforpostinghere · 11/05/2016 08:03

Am I bu that I just get the rage when I see babies in carseats clunked to the pram?

Am I being a judgypants?

Fair enough on the nip in & out jobs like school run.

But supermarket? Theme park? National trust gardens? Running? Town? Zoo? Places were the child is likely going to have been in that carseat for a few hours!

They've already been in it for the car journey. I bet likely, some will only be out of them all day for feeding time.

I watched holiday supersavers last night and the baby did the walk to supermarket, around supermarket and walk nack home again in the flippin carseat!

I just want to go up to them and tell them to stop being lazy and think of their child's spine development.

OP posts:
EsmeraldaEllaBella · 11/05/2016 08:50

Yup I completely agree with you op. I see people using them at the zoo etc, hours in the car seat. I can only assume people don't understand the risks. And to be fair, if you can buy a travel system most people probably assume they're safe. But they're not. Personally I think we need to educate parents more on the risks and highlight they are for short trips only (or just ban them altogether...)

Also - it takes me an hour to go around the supermarket... (Misses the point Grin)

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 11/05/2016 08:50

FFS you don't like them? Don't bloody use them. You don't know someone's circumstances (unless you have followed them around said shop/theme park/zoo) so stop whining. YABVU.

PregnantAndEngaged · 11/05/2016 08:50

You are being judgey. We had a cheap pram, couldn't afford anything more than £200 and, under the age of 6 months, it was either have him lay flat in what was essentially a cardboard box with some material on it (which he hated, and screamed when he was put in.. God forbid if he had reflux, that would've been even worse but thankfully he was fine in that department, but this is another reason many parents prefer a more upright option) or the car seat, because he was too small to go in the actual buggy bit. My son also hated slings, so that wasn't an option.

I however took heed of advice from health visitors to not have them in it for more than 2 hours at a time so I always made sure to stop in cafes etc and let him have a good length of time out of the car seat. I also made sure he was never too hot in it.

As long as you take precautions there is absolutely no harm in using a car seat, and for some parents it is the only option if the child doesn't want to lay down or they suffer reflux.

LilySnape · 11/05/2016 08:52

YANBU i see my neighbours using one all the time they don't even own a car yet its constantly on the frame because they don't care about their childs spine Hmm probably the same types dumb enough to buy a 2nd hand car seat i see it on local selling sites all the time and drives me nuts

LaurieLemons · 11/05/2016 08:52

Do you follow these women around at the zoo? Don't you think all these babies being left for hours on end need feeding/changing/playing with at some point?

You're just assuming so of course yabu.

mrsmugoo · 11/05/2016 08:52

Well mine would scream blue murder in the carrycot but was fine in the car seat. He hated being flat and wanted to watch the world go by. I switched to the proper pushchair seat with the padded head support as soon as he was able.

He'd never be in it longer than 2 hours because he'd need feeding anyway.

DangerousBeanz · 11/05/2016 08:53

My son is 24. He had one of the first travel systems and was regularly in it for longer than the now recommended 2 hrs. He would sleep in it, he wouldn't sleep anywhere else. I was an emotional wreck through sleep deprivation. I ended up on medication. He's now 6 ft 1 and his spine is fine.

Rage internally all you like. I'm sure the sleep deprived mum of a none sleeping child actually needs or wants your opinion.

OohMavis · 11/05/2016 08:53

Have I accidentally clicked onto Sanctimommy? This is a joke right.

RedToothBrush · 11/05/2016 08:53

When you said this:
I actually don't care if I'm being judgy. I still don't like it and still see no need for it.
Even for a child who won't settle/has reflux.
Use a sling, buy a pram that can be used from birth and have the seat every so slightly reclined (like the out n about nipper, or bugaboo bee)

You REALLY REALLY were BU.

DS was great in his pram. He didn't have reflux.

If he had, I'd have done what I could to cope though. Because me coping is an important as the small risk that a car carrier might provide. You have to balance the risks posed by your circumstances. Therefore, it might not be ideal, but if it stops you having other problems to deal with or prevents harm to you (which in turn have an impact to your baby and are not mutually exclusive issues).

DS would NOT go in a sling. I bought one. Tried one. Repeatedly. It was not happening. How are you supposed to use on, if you have a child who gets very distressed in one? Is that good for them?

As for buying a pram that can be used from birth so the seat can be reclined. Errrr one there is the issue of who buys the pram (I know a lot of well meaning grandparents who do as its an expensive purchase as parents struggle to find the money for a full travel system), or buy a system with good intensions to use the pram and then find it inappropriate for their child. Are they supposed to then buy ANOTHER system. The fact you suggest the Bugaboo bee really shows you are aware with the fairies! It was beyond my budget at the time, and we dismissed it was it wasn't suitable for us for other reasons.

The pushchair bit of my system which could be reclined was not supposed to be used until the child could hold their head without support which is another issue entirely. This wasn't a problem for DS but he was so small and skinny we had other problems. We had a gap of 2 months where he outgrew the pram but was too small to be strapped into the pushchair safely. We ended up merely carrying him between the two of us when out during that period, but that is not practical or possible for most people, so if the car carrier worked, then fair enough.

I don't care if you don't mind being judgy. You are ridiculous and narrowminded and obviously have more money than sense. This should be pointed out, not for your benefit but in case anyone reading this is upset because they are struggling and is just trying to do the best they can. Being judgy has an impact on other people. Its massively selfish and can be massively damaging to the well being of others.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 11/05/2016 08:53

I also had a "clingy" baby so I just carried her everywhere, no big deal

nap - car seats and supposed to be used for naps!

Also - I thought it was 2hrs a day max, not at a time? (Rare long journeys excepted) plus the 2hr is a maximum. Not a target.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 11/05/2016 08:55

Oops, car seats aren't for naps Blush

GreenTomatoJam · 11/05/2016 08:56

Personally I think it's crazy - my carseat stayed in the car, and I carried the baby either in arms or in mei-tai. The few times I tried to carry him in the car seat it was heavy, I kept bumping it into things/my legs, and it was too tempting to plonk things on him like a shopping basket.

To my mind, I'd much prefer to carry 4kg of warm baby than 10 of awkward car seat - people seem to be making their lives more difficult by doing it - but to each their own.

CheesecakeWarrior · 11/05/2016 08:56

If you "don't actually care if you're being judgy" then what's the point of your aibu?

As a pp said, you're seeing a snapshot of someone's day and therefore making some pretty big presumptions.

PregnantAndEngaged · 11/05/2016 08:56

LilySnape that was really bloody rude. I don't drive yet used a car seat, I'm not "dumb" and I do care about my child's spine. Thank you very much.

Wow there's some really judgmental **s on here aren't there.

Pippa12 · 11/05/2016 08:57

I'm confused- if you don't like car seats in general, how do you go anywhere in the car with your babies? Do you not go in the car?

curren · 11/05/2016 08:58

Yabu and acting like a bit of a dick

Use a sling, buy a pram that can be used from birth and have the seat every so slightly reclined (like the out n about nipper, or bugaboo bee)

Not all babies or parents like/can use slings.

Get a grip! I am sure many people would disagree with certain things you do with your child.

It's recommended to not leave babies in them for more than 2 hours. I never take 2 hours to get to the supermarket and back. If we were at the zoo, we would be getting the baby out, laying the babie down while we had lunch etc. Again wouldn't be in it more than 2 hours

You say you don't care if you are being judgy, in which case....why post?

Squegg · 11/05/2016 09:00

Mind your own business. How do you know how long they've been in the car seat for!? My twins were always in them if we were just nipping to tesco or whatever. If we were out for longer they were in carrycots.

I've yet to figure out a way to carry 2 newborns safely Hmm

Lily maybe those people buying second hand can't afford a new car seat? You're the one looking dumb lovely.

Oysterbabe · 11/05/2016 09:00

It's the likes of the judgy cunts on this thread that make being a new mum so bloody hard.

Squegg · 11/05/2016 09:02

^what oyster said. Should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourselves.

nonline · 11/05/2016 09:02

I don't currently drive. I recently walked (half hour) to a class with LO in car seat on buggy to enable MiL to pick us up and take us to hospital appt - this was the one way to enable doing both things.
Yesterday I went to doctors (on the bus) and if lo had been in car seat rather than buggy seat I could have got DP to collect and take home rather than prolong journey waiting for return bus in the rain.
We often, after swimming lesson, nip to supermarket with lo asleep before going home. An hour in seat max.

I already worry about her being in seat too long because of all the hype (when in fact my not driving means we use it infrequently). The thought of other people judging me in these situations (or any other) does not help.

Excusemeforpostinghere · 11/05/2016 09:03

jassey just buy a pram suitable from birth in the 1st place?

I will judge away laurie as they just look so incomfortable, restricting airway. My nephew couldn't poo in his due to the angle, and their spine development is a real thing.

It takes me 20mins to drive to supermarket, and hr ti do shop and 20mins back. 1hr 40 altogether. Way too long to be in such cramped cinditions

OP posts:
Queenie73 · 11/05/2016 09:05

Not my circus, not my monkeys'. I.E. None of my business
I love this!

I never had a travel system because I didn't want one and they wouldn't suit my lifestyle. But I wouldn't judge someone else for using one. I might have done when I had my PFB, but after four children the one thing I have learnt is that there are very few fabulous parents and very few truly awful ones- most of us are just doing what we can to get through the day.

Mothers with babies need support and to feel part of a wider community. Knowing that there are people who sneer at their choices isn't helpful. Any mother with a small baby who makes it out of the house is doing just fine in my opinion.

PerpetualStudent · 11/05/2016 09:05

What OohMavis said Hmm

Though I do think 'why not just buy a bugaboo?' Should become a new MN catchphrase

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/05/2016 09:06

It takes me 20mins to drive to supermarket, and hr ti do shop and 20mins back. 1hr 40 altogether. Way too long to be in such cramped cinditions

Well that's not what the experts say now, is it? So forgive people if they don't agree.

Excusemeforpostinghere · 11/05/2016 09:06

I do know already thekings that I am being judgey. But I hate seeing it. Can't help that.

Surely the fact that there are lieflat carseats on the market means that the upright ones are a problem

OP posts:
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