To be irritated that MIL gives men 2-3 times more food than women?

[Ladyboluna]

Last week we went to MIL's for Sunday lunch. We had gammon and I made a big thing about saying its my favourite and how hungry I was. All the men (OH, BIL, FIL) got about 6-7 slices . While I and the women get 2 small slices (wouldn't cover a slice of bread). I even got a smaller portion of potatoes and veg. What really didn't help is that my FIL didn't even finish his!

When I went home I had to cook myself something to eat! I'm pregnant and they always make jokes about what my appetites been like recently (good-natured ones). My MIL and SIL hardly eat anything, so I wonder if its that, or an old-fashioned thing.

I know it isn't a big deal, and I have a great relationship with her, so it really isn't worth falling out about. But it happens every time I go round! Thoughts?

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

And why would that be, Pearlman?

[Gowgirl]

I'm bloody starving therefore cannot debate who's a cunt as I need to inhale the two creme Brule that are screaming at me from the fridge

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

Ok. But "I'm offended" without any explanation as to why is meaningless and unhelpful.

[MiffleTheIntrovert]

You two sound like my teenagers

[MiffleTheIntrovert]

^

[bakeoffcake]

Like others have said, generally men do need more food than women, but 7 slices of gammon is ludicrous.

I don't like all the "performance eating" comments. Different people have different appetites. I'm only 5ft 2 and have a MUCH smaller appetite than my DH who is
6ft 2, so he always gets more food than me. I'd be obese if I ate a similar amount as him.

And my friend and I often share a sandwich and portion of chips when we go to the pub for lunch. What the heck is wrong with that

[RockMeMomma]

I just started swapping plates with Dh, she eventually stopped giving me smaller portions.

[Ludwaysl]

The majority of the time MIL I'd happy to feed everyone and we help ourselves, SIL and niece are the biggest eaters in the family, you have to be fast or they'll have it all. However, it has been known that MIL will feed DH but not me or the kids at all.

[caroline161]

My mum once kept back 3 doughnuts "for the men, for later" very 1950s

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I hate this. There is nothing worse than feeling obliged to eat a huge amount of food.

[BeStrongAndCourageous]

My FIL does this. Last time we all ate together he gave me and SIL (both breastfeeding) tiny portions and huge helpings to himself, DH and BIL.

After we'd finished, he offered DH and BIL seconds - they both declined. I piped up and asked if I could have DH's as he didn't want them, and was told by FIL "no, you've had enough"!!

DH clocked my furious expression, realised I was about to kick off and announced "actually, I will have seconds" - which he then handed straight over to me, to FIL's disgust.

There are many good reasons I'm low- contact with FIL, that's just one example!

[Yukduck]

My dh carves the meat at the table for the whole family for our Sunday roasts. He will give each the amount of meat they ask for. It is really good for making sure everyone gets a lovely portion of meat BUT he is so slow at carving and talking everyone through what they want that dinner is cold by the time we come to eat!!
I put the veg and tatties on warm dishes on the dinner table and it amuses me to see everyone waiting for their meat in turn.
I like the idea of MIL serving up as at least you get your meal all in one go and HOT (I hope!). Have you tried extreme flattery about how lovely her meat cooking skills are and how you crave her lovely dinners now you are pregnant more than ever?
I would be gutted to only have a small portion of a lovely dinner. I love carverys because you can pile your plate high and you get a decent amount of meat.

[Ladyboluna]

I know it's not the end of the world and it's not worth falling out with people about.

But am I really a bad person for being irritated by watching my FIL leave loads of tasty tasty gammon untouched on his plate while I'm licking my plate clean for just a few extra calories?

[Lweji]

Of course you're not a bad person. I think you do need to be honest with her (or your oh) and say that you do need more than a couple of slices. The best time is when she distributes them. Or you could point out the waste and mention that you'd have liked more yourself. You'll know them better and find a way, ideally with OH on your side.
She may not realise you do want more.

[EponasWildDaughter]

My dh carves the meat at the table for the whole family for our Sunday roasts. He will give each the amount of meat they ask for. It is really good for making sure everyone gets a lovely portion of meat BUT he is so slow at carving and talking everyone through what they want that dinner is cold by the time we come to eat!!

Oh that is exactly what my dear old dad used to do bless him! :) You've triggered a memory there. Who wants this end bit? Who wants this fatty bit? Who wants this bit that's a bit raggetty? Who doesn't mind a bit of gristle? Who likes the skin? Who wants this bit it's quite big? Who hasn't got enough?

The thing is our answers were all the same every week - just as it comes dad we don't mind just hurry UP

[parmalilac]

Same here, always hungry when we return from PILs, even (especially at Christmas). It is not the done thing to ask for more!

[tobysmum77]

My mil used to do this. I just asked for more ad inifinitum and 15 years later she gives me and dh big portions but she's cut FIL down because of middle age spread.

[ismellSwell]

It is irritating when you are given smaller portions, but isn't it scientific fact that men (on average) require more calories because they have a different body structure to women? Ie more muscle?

Men burn more calories than women for two reasons. The average man burns more calories than the average woman because the average man weighs more, and heavier people burn more calories. Men also usually burn more calories than women of the same weight because they usually are more muscular, and muscle burns more calories than fat. Men, however, need more calories than women to perform the same activities.

I know it seems extremely old fashioned, but it could be a good thing if we were to go back to eating smaller portion sizes.

[EastMidsMummy]

I don't mind anyone disagreeing, I just think we could all do without the aggression.

That is is an odd reaction when your suggestion was "Embarrass the fuck out of her."

[StrawberrytallCake]

I'm sure I've seen this exact post before.

[NamelessEnsign]

As a child, I was very rarely not hungry when leaving a friend's house. They all had such vastly different ideas of what a meal should look like. Even if all the food was served in the middle, it would have been rude to take too much of what was there,

It took me a long time to realise that my family overeat at mealtimes as well as having snacks and that everyone else was eating more suitable portions. Especially of carbs.

I struggle to self regulate even now, but usually stay a 10-12 with exercise; I'm short so need to stay lightish in order to be able to compete at my sport and be comfortable in my own skin. I look better at size 6-8 but really like food😀.

When I eat at MIL's they do serve in the middle but have some very odd ideas about food. MIL ate cereal for breakfast and lunch for years. She regularly dithers around, not eating, until she feels faint and then we all have to drop everything to sort out some food for her. SIL, sadly, has been quite affected by this and had very serious anorexia and OCD around food. MIL definitely has the idea that food is somehow a moral issue. However, she had a borderline abusive upbringing and as an adult lived with very restrictive finances for a long time, so it's understandable.

Thankfully, FIL does most of the cooking now and serves plenty, and a pudding 😉.

Having said all of that wordily I would be very hacked off by the food control issues OP and especially with the food waste. At least serve the protein in the middle of the table!

[Marynary]

It would find it irritating but more because I think she probably knows that you would like to have more but doesn't feel that you should have it as you are quite large already. That is quite controlling and irritating.
I think that people should ask guests what they want as everyone prefers different amounts of meat. I would be very happy with the amount your MIL gave you. DH would be very unhappy with 6 or 7 slices.