To be irritated that MIL gives men 2-3 times more food than women?

[Ladyboluna]

Last week we went to MIL's for Sunday lunch. We had gammon and I made a big thing about saying its my favourite and how hungry I was. All the men (OH, BIL, FIL) got about 6-7 slices . While I and the women get 2 small slices (wouldn't cover a slice of bread). I even got a smaller portion of potatoes and veg. What really didn't help is that my FIL didn't even finish his!

When I went home I had to cook myself something to eat! I'm pregnant and they always make jokes about what my appetites been like recently (good-natured ones). My MIL and SIL hardly eat anything, so I wonder if its that, or an old-fashioned thing.

I know it isn't a big deal, and I have a great relationship with her, so it really isn't worth falling out about. But it happens every time I go round! Thoughts?

[Lweji]

You need a preemptive strike.
As soon as the food arrives, say how many slices you'll have. Corner her in the kitchen if she plates separately.
Think Rambo.

[Lweji]

Also shame her for not having enough food for seconds.

[user1456925105]

Oh dear god. I would actually cry if i ever ate somewhere like your mil's op. I love my food. I'm 4"9.5 tall and a size 14 (so about 2 stone overweight but am fit and healthyish).
In my house i carve and dish up the meat whatever roast it is. Plates are all laid out on the side. Dp is fussy about meat (as in he doesn't like any fat) so i will always check he's happy with whatever is put on his plate. The kids get different portion sizes of meat veg and mash due to different ages/appetites. Dp serves up the potatoes (which he mashes cause i hate doing it). He will always dish out his first do avoid giving anyone any possible lumps he might have missed. After that he asks me who's plate is whoms and what size portion to give. Once everything is plated up then everyone gets served at the same time.
There are always left overs and no one is ever left hungry after the first plating (except my eldest cause he is a bottomless pit of a teenager and finishes off any leftovers. Then complains he over ate.).

Asked dp what he thought of your mils method of serving and he replied with "she's fucking nuts". Have to say agree. Sorry. As lovely as my mil to be is if she deprived me off food at all ever (particulary due to such antiquated mysgonistic "traditions"), i think she would be my dearly departed mil very very quickly.

[WorraLiberty]

Also shame her for not having enough food for seconds.

WTAF? Please tell me that's a joke?

You would shame someone who went to the trouble of cooking you a Sunday roast dinner, because they didn't have enough food for seconds??

[MiffleTheIntrovert]

I'm trying to say this in a nice way as I genuinely really don't mean it unkindly, (see my previous post about being a former greedy guts )but is it possible that if you see three quarters of a large Pizza Hut pizza, and 6/7 slices of gammon as a regular portion, your MIL just serves smaller portions?

I do agree that she shouldn't automatically be giving men and women different portion sizes, but I'm wondering if perhaps you are being a little unfair to her here.

[Lweji]

WorraLiberty
If they gave me a tiny tiny portion, yes.
I'd rather stay at home and not go hungry.

[Lweji]

Or rather, that they don't dish out smaller portions to everyone leaving the choice for seconds for everyone too.

[MacTootBlowsonHisBagpipes]

My MIL (who is lovely) does this a bit too. So much so that she asked if the wedding caterer would be told how many mens and womans meals were needed!

[WorraLiberty]

And how exactly would you go about shaming your host Lweji?

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

Even if she gives you three peas and the steam off her piss, you don't ^shame" an old lady who you like and who is making you dinner. FFS.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Host shaming.

Wow...that's an unusual take on life you have there.

[MizK]

If I were in that situation and obviously didn't have enough, my DP would share his portion with me.

My MIL does more food for the men but my portion is still plenty for me (not a bird like nibbly eater, she's just generous with food) so I don't really care.

[Lweji]

It was tongue in cheek. See immediately previous post with Rambo.
Anyway, yes I'd definitely tell her how many slices I'd eat. People shouldn't be hungry when dining at our places. I know I'd be mortified if I didn't have enough food and most people I know too.

[WorraLiberty]

Oh right.

I did say 'please tell me that's a joke', but you carried on as if you were serious, rather than tongue in cheek.

[temporaryrecruit]

Yes in my family we all help ourselves to veg and stuff in tureens

Mil always dishes up but usually gives similar portions. Obsessed with not creating washing up even though they have a dishwasher. She doesn't use a colander to drain veg either.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I have no wise words to add to this thread but bloody hell I want gammon for tea now

[Indantherene]

My grandma was notorious in our family for always cutting food into one more piece than the number of people there (we have a standing joke now - how many shall I cut this into? seven?), and then giving the extra piece to grandad.

He would struggle to finish while the rest of us sat and fumed.

You didn't say how old your MIL is but I've noticed that my DM is now eating so much less that she underestimates how much to give people. Your appetite really does decrease with age.

It's probably a combination of those two things.

[Junosmum]

It would piss me off BUT men do need more calories than women and women should have smaller portions. I suspect this is part of the reason women's obesity is rising faster than men's.

I used to give myself and DH the same sized portions but recently have reduced mine, as I'm gaining weight but he isn't!

[Ladyboluna]

Miffle - I don't think anyone sees 3/4 of a large pizza as a regular portion? Maybe I overeat sometimes. Especially when it's meat feast pizza with stuffed crust.

Equally I don't think 6 or more slices of gammon is a normal portion. But I'd like a happy medium please. If I choose to pig out then any leftovers is nice and if not then I'll stuff myself silly at home and have no complaints.

My issue is more what MIL sees as a normal portion. Women have teeny stomachs and men are bottomless pits apparently.

[Ladyboluna]

Junosmum men need more calories than women if you have a male and female of the same height and weight doing the same amount of exercise each day and the woman is not pregnant, on her period or either of them are unwell.

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

BUT men do need more calories than women and women should have smaller portions

This isn't true as a blanket rule. Why do you imagine it is? Are men always bigger than women? No. Are men always more active? No. Are men ever pregnant or breastfeeding? No.
A person’s caloric requirement depends on body size and exercise level. Not on gender.

[Ladyboluna]

Ahh I keep pressing enter too soon apologises!

But yes I get what you're saying Junosmum men on average need more you're right. Glad you see where I'm coming from though.

[5minutestobed]

Both my MILs and my SIL are like this. I am always starving when we go to stay. Last time I took snacks and hid them in the car.
My MIL once dished up one Weetabix each for the woman and 3 each for the men because they would be hungrier apparently. I was bloody starving and ate DS's leftovers (indecently the 2 year old got one Weetabix as well!?!)

[WorraLiberty]

Still, on the bright side it's only Sunday lunch isn't it and presumably you've eaten breakfast and you'll eat dinner when you get home.

It would be worse if you lived with her and she insisted on cooking.

[CheekyGit]

On a sunday after a week of normal food and being " good" its not un reasonable to have some seconds at a sunday roast.

It was always drummed into me when you entertain to have enough for guests, even if it means you hold back yourself as the host.

we went to BBQ at weekend and seconds were placed out of bounds by a food controller, we had offered to host but this person likes to control. I like people to eat what they want and feel comfortable!