To be irritated that MIL gives men 2-3 times more food than women?

[Ladyboluna]

Last week we went to MIL's for Sunday lunch. We had gammon and I made a big thing about saying its my favourite and how hungry I was. All the men (OH, BIL, FIL) got about 6-7 slices . While I and the women get 2 small slices (wouldn't cover a slice of bread). I even got a smaller portion of potatoes and veg. What really didn't help is that my FIL didn't even finish his!

When I went home I had to cook myself something to eat! I'm pregnant and they always make jokes about what my appetites been like recently (good-natured ones). My MIL and SIL hardly eat anything, so I wonder if its that, or an old-fashioned thing.

I know it isn't a big deal, and I have a great relationship with her, so it really isn't worth falling out about. But it happens every time I go round! Thoughts?

How often do you have meals cooked by mil? If it's once a week then I would mention it to her. If it's not regularly then I would just eat it and have something else later or a snack before I went over !

My in laws do this too. It is definitely an old fashioned 'have the men had enough' thing with them. Their other daughter in law really does eat like a bird though - she will have ONE roast potato and ONE slice of chicken for example . I'm not even overweight either, whereas dh is, so don't know why they persist in feeding me as if I'm on a diet.

A person's calorific requirement does depend on sex as well as body size and exercise level. If a woman and a man are of equal weight and height and both have the same lifestyle the man will still be able to eat more calories than the woman before putting on weight. This is because his body composition has more muscle than hers and muscle maintenance requires higher calorie intake. Add to this that men tend to be taller and broader than women, and the calorie intake difference becomes wider. The calorie difference per day is not huge though - about a mars bars worth.
Of course if the woman takes up body building while the man continues to sit in front of a screen all day her calorie requirements (and possibly also muscle mass) will surpass his. This is why weight training is great for those who want to eat a lot without getting fat!

I think in the past many more men had manual jobs than do so now. If you come from a background where the men worked in mining, construction, farm labouring etc, where the women did lighter work, then the serving of more food to the men makes sense.
Some older women may still stick to those portion sizes today, because that's what they grew up with. Was MIL's father a manual worker? Or was FIL but has since retired?

A person's calorific requirement does depend on sex as well as body size and exercise level

Yes. I always need a sandwich after a really good shag

Ha ha! I meant sex as opposed to gender! .

Although a good shag does mean exercise!

I dunno about sex and exercise. If that was true that TTC should have made me a supermodel. [Wink]

My mil is the opposite and fills my plate up like dh & fil but puts a normal amount on hers. As she's in a diet & I'm not

I think she's trying to fatten me up

No. Men may tend to have more muscle mass etc, but there are plenty of individual women that have more than plenty of individual men.

And anyway, its not about actual calorie need, its about appetite and desire and all the rest. A good host does not give more to the men than the women just because they think the men need it more.

This thread has reminded me off the somewhat joyless experience of meals at my MILs house.

She is an excellent cook but clearly has ishoos with food - often announces she's not eaten lunch, or isn't hungry, or won't eat for the rest of the day because she had a big breakfast, takes tiny portions - with a commentary about not being hungry- but then nicks anyone else's food she fancies, or hoovers up leftovers in the kitchen on her own, that sort of thing.

I don't know what sort of meals she has on her own but when we are there there is a huge to-do about producing something fancy, loads of dashing about for this plate or that special fork. No one is allowed to serve themselves and her house is freezing so we all it waiting, watching the food get cold whilst she rootles out the heirloom mustard spoon (no one wants mustard, we all said so but no! The spoon must come out in case we change our minds.)

And because she has such a problem with food there is never quite enough, so that the practical upshot of all this fanfare is a rather meagre, stone-cold meal, eaten to a background of exclamations of what vast appetites we have. It manages to suck all the enjoyment out of what is supposed to be a nice family meal.

Yeah do that. If you want to be a colossal cunt.

Helloo pot, this is kettle, you're black!

I think you'd be the one being rude pearl if you said that! I'n with penquin

On mumsnet the received wisdom that it is impossible to be rude to a mother in law. They are completely fair game and have no feeling except inappropriate or misguided ones. Everything they do has an ulterior motive, however kind it appears on the surface, and they should have no interaction with their son and his children which is not mediated through their daughter in law. It's incredibly depressing, and must make for so much unhappiness.

Nobody called you a cunt, just that anyone who did that could be called a cunt.

This is aibu, cunt is lighthearted. No aggression. You said fuck, so obviously you don't have a problem with swearing, so whats wrong with cunt?

Bertram I tend to agree. I think we would do well to remember the vast majority of us will (hopefully!) be in laws one day. I'm sure if my DIL, or SIL posted a thread like this after I had hosted them for Sunday lunch, I would be fairly upset. It seems that even gestures are inherently kind, eg buying presents/cooking meals etc, can still have fault found with them. The majority of us are just the usual good type of person who tries to treat others well, and MILs are probably just the same.

I also think there is a trend on MN for the sister in law being the new mother in law! I am NC with some of my DH's family (as he is) for serious reasons, it saddens me sometimes that my DC miss out on them as relatives and perhaps puts other transgressions in perspective. My MIL not giving me enough gammon when she cooked me Sunday lunch just seems a bit trivial to be griping out.

Pick your battles

Griping about ffs

Hmm is griping even a word? It looks wrong now I've posted it so many times